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"Whoever can laugh lasts".

"The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you can never know if they are genuine. " (Abraham Lincoln)

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty." (e-mail 02/16)

Instead of Incident Reports

"After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

(e-mail 01/16)

The American Board of Crash Carts (ABCC) released updated Maintenance of Crash Cart (MOCC) guidelines for 2016 as follows:

"A turbocharged 4-cylinder engine for quick acceleration

A spoiler to improve the crash cart's aerodynamics

Racing stripe, endorsement stickers to appeal to NASCAR fans

A lock for each drawer to ensure immediate frustration when accessing contents

Monitor affixed with Netflix, Hulu to provide vital signs, shows

Free WiFi

Keurig for code team if wee hours of morning

Dramatic music like they play on medical TV shows

Press Ganey-meter to assess patient satisfaction waveform

Prior authorization forms to facilitate denial of life-saving treatment

Defibrillator to counter a heart in fibrillation

Refibrillator to counter a heart in refibrillation

Nasal cannula, rectal cannula

Bag valve masks, lucha libre masks, and other party favors of different sizes

Oxygen or other favorite gas of choice

Intravenous (IV) start kit to start a peripheral IV and an IV finish kit to finish it

Intraosseous (IO) start kit with DeWalt DCD980MS power drill for brute strength, speed

Intraocular (IO) start kit with DeWalt DCD980MS power drill for brute strength, speed

Two incomplete central line kits since it's the thought that counts

Gloves, including latex, sterile, winter

Alcohol preps for sterility

Alcohol shots for futility

WD-40 for urgent lubrication

Saline, both normal and abnormal

Epinephrine, atropine for advanced cardiac life support (ACLS)

Orange juice, rest, blankie for not-advanced cardiac life support (NACLS)

Adenosine, which causes flushing, chest pain, brief asystole to provider who thinks about using it

Sodium bicarbonate for the heck of it

Narcan to temporarily reverse opioid epidemic

Dextrose for moderate hypoglycemia

Glazed donut for severe hypoglycemia

Turkey sandwich for severe hunger

Kosher salt and freshly-ground black pepper to taste

Spatula

A powerful paralytic for rapid sequence intubation, such as an admission pager

Endotracheal tubes and other intubation equipment for suppression of cough

Two eager medical students in bottom drawer to help with chest compressions

Reset button, Control-Alt-Delete, or Game Genie if code not going well

Flashbang grenade for clean escape if code goes awry

Note: Although not part of the crash cart, the ABCC stressed the importance of three people during a code: (1) someone to take charge and run the code, (2) someone to act unnecessarily dramatic during the code and bring much needed stress to an already stressful scenario, and (3) a coder to code the code and ensure life-saving reimbursement." (Dr. 99, gomerblog. com)

Tomato Behavior: "They're going on vacation, let's ripen" (Cartoon, Signe Wilkinson)

Diane Sears, RN, MS, ONC-ret
COPYRIGHT 2016 Oklahoma Nurses Association
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Title Annotation:Laughter is the Best Medicine; jokes
Author:Sears, Diane
Publication:Oklahoma Nurse
Date:Jun 1, 2016
Words:845
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