reader forum.

Breathless

k.d., you take my breath away ["k.d.: A Woman in Love," June 20]! That sweet smile of yours melts my heart! I am single, quite sweet, and loving but have yet to find my soul male. Thank you for giving me some hope. I look forward to buying your new CD.

Julie Coates, St. Louis, Mo.

The people next door

After reading your "Pride Across America" report [June 20], I feel a renewed belief that things are getting somewhat better in our country. It made me realize people can both adapt and still work for change by being the people next door. I also felt proud that when one looks at the "State of the Union" map, you can see that Middle America has a very livable, progressive state--Wisconsin.

Ray Schaefer, Milwaukee, Wis.

After spending 17 years in New York City, I left in search of things that couldn't be found in Manhattan. Loving good restaurants, theater, and other trappings of city life (including a visible gay community), I assumed I'd wind up in Denver, San Francisco, Portland, or Seattle. Much to my surprise, I've happily landed in rural southwest Montana. While at times I miss some of the elements that New York offers, I'm enjoying things that gay people aren't supposed to care about--hiking trails, mountains, clean air. I also find that being away from some of the darker sides of the urban gay male ghetto--the slavish devotion to status, the maddening obsession with the body, the rampant abuse of alcohol and recreational drugs--has brought me a peace of mind I'd never dreamed possible.

David Weiss, Gallatin Gateway, Mont.

Gee whillikers, Marge, lookit there--the Midwest actually has a life. A gay life, even. No kidding. Actually, life here between the coasts has been just fine for quite some time. I've been an openly gay public official here for 23 years now. There are many openly gay women and men throughout our fair town who over the years have established to our friends and neighbors our place as a part of the life of the town. We work in every type of local business, we live in every neighborhood. We truly are everywhere.

Kevin Phillips, Champaign, Ill.

In describing Pocatello, Ida., as a good place for gays and lesbians, you left out an important part of the story. When Alex and Nancy Nagy became pastors at Trinity Episcopal Church in 1995, there were no openly gay people in the congregation. As the Nagys made their openness toward GLBT people known, first one person came out, then a couple started coming, then another and another until there are about a dozen or more openly gay and lesbian people in the church. Is there a friendly and welcoming atmosphere in Pocatello? Yes! And Nancy and Alex should be credited with having built it.

Bruce Jarstfer, San Antonio, Tex.

I am a 22-year-old lesbian living in a very small town in Alabama. I was born and raised here, so everyone knows me. Since this is the Bible Belt, believe me when I say this town is run by the Baptist Church. They won't even let us have MTV because it's supposedly the "work of the devil." (The one good thing we have here is that our mayor is gay!) I came out when I was 15; I was not rejected by the town, nor was I accepted. And I now have a wonderful steady girlfriend my family has grown to love. I have to say that life in Alabama for a lesbian isn't all that bad.

Joanna Spruiell, via the Internet

Deep pockets

I was one of the thousands who volunteered to make the Millennium March Festival a success by flying to D.C. for the weekend ["Where Did All the Money Go?" June 20]. The four days were at my own expense, but I didn't mind; it was a worthwhile event. Or so I thought.

As we were meeting the volunteered for our booth at one of the entrance gates, I witnessed a disturbing sight. At the beginning of the festival (which opened an hour late), hundreds of folks were pressing against the entrance gates. There was no system for exchanging money for bracelets, tickets, or whatever. We witnessed a "lead volunteer" holding wads of money, stuffing it into his pockets as fast as he could, and screaming out for more bracelets. At the same time, he was trying to hold the gates closed so as not to allow more than a few people through at a time. Gee ... I wonder if he turned all that money in.

David Tomb, Los Angeles, Calif.

Mother's day

I don't think I can express how much Sharon Underwood's letter meant to me as a gay man [The Nation, June 20]. I thank her for speaking with such clarity the thoughts and feelings that we, the gay citizens of the United States, have tried and failed to say. As I deal with my own parents, whose greatest fear is that the neighbors will find out their son is a homosexual, I cannot help but be jealous of her incredibly fortunate son. She gives me hope for the future.

John Jeffers, Atlanta, Ga.

Pas de deux 

Jan Stuart's review of the film Center Stage ["All the Wrong Moves," June 20] should have been titled "Reverse Bigotry, or How Hypocritical Can the Gay Media Be?" The impression this article left me with is that I should be offended this is another movie about the dance world that doesn't center on gays. Who are we to tell writer Carol Heikkinen her vision is not valid? This thinking is wrong and only helps to foster the idea that there is a "homosexual agenda."

Jai Sacks, Fort Worth, Tex.

Thank you for writing the truth about that horrible movie, Center Stage. Just from the previews alone I could tell what kind of movie it is. Think of all the closeted gay people in Hollywood who had their hands in it! Shame!

Doug Stevens, via the Internet

Mutilating Norah

I found Norah Vincent's Last Word column [June 20] quite provocative. I am a 54-year-old newly postoperative transsexual female. My partner and I live a simple rural life and are not very politically active. I've expressed to her at times my own displeasure with transgender PC. I, therefore, agree with Vincent on many of her opinions. However, Vincent has no way of knowing the emotions I, as a transsexual, have felt for a lifetime. I did not arrive at my decision for surgery frivolously in order to be "fashionable." Many years of prayer and meditation brought me through extreme discontent. It is offensive to read her description of my surgery as mutilation when that surgery has brought me wholeness, contentment, and peace. My need and reasons for surgery are wasted on judgmental people. Vincent's holier-than-thou pontification about God's will in my life's journey smacks dangerously of Dr. Laura-type dogmatic fundamentalism.

Beth Thompson, Clyde, N.C.

In her article Vincent urges transsexuals to "live androgynously ... with all the polymorphy God gave you." To which I, as a postoperative female-to-male transsexual, say to Vincent, Why don't you forgo having nonconformist gender-bent sex with women and have normal missionary sex with men? If you truly want to thwart sex norms, don't pull a fast one on your blameless privates. Accept the divine heterosexuality that God gave you and suck some biologically male dick like all good Christian women.

Ethan Zimmerman, Seattle, Wash.

In Vincent's either-or philosophy, people are either male, female, or a hermaphrodite. But with Einstein and the shift to a relative paradigm, the old image of two absolute points--either John Wayne or Marilyn Monroe--has given way to the image of the continuum, a smooth curve of all those who find themselves somewhere between those two extremes of maleness and femaleness. She admits to this continuum in the gay male community, and one has only to look at Lea DeLaria and Anne Heche to get an idea of the diversity in the lesbian community. So why can't there also be a continuum in the gender community, from those who thrive in the radical, in-between, androgynous gender presentation that Vincent favors to those of us who are in a different place on the continuum and need some kind of physical transformation to feel truly whole?

Sean Gardner, Santa Fe, N.M.

Vincent's column was good for one reason. It reaffirms my belief that the gay mainstream has no interest in the reality of the transsexual experience, despite the fact that many transsexuals have come from your ranks.

Jay Snider, via the Internet

[Editors' note: Due to the enormous response generated by Norah Vincent's June 20 Last Word column, we've posted the remainder of the letters on advocate.com.]

THE ADVOCATE POLL

SPONSORED BY SAAB 

From the June 20 issue; If you live a big city now, would you ever consider living in a small town or rural area?

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Reader comments from www.advocate.com

* "My partner and I have a second home in a rural area and are very comfortable with the area. I think it makes a difference if you are a couple and somewhat older."

* "Hell, no! I spent my childhood in a dinky little Vermont town and still have the scars to prove it. You must be rock-solid to withstand the scrutiny of the `moral majority.'"

* "It would depend on the context. Rural Kansas is a much different environment than rural Sonoma County, Calif., or Short Mountain, Tenn."

* "In my remotest dreams I might consider living in a small town on the West Coast or in New England but never in my native South. Rural Southerners can be militantly hostile to openly gay people. Remember Camp Sister Spirit?"

* "I live in Chicago now and used to live in a small town. I would move back without a moment's thought. I loved knowing every gay person in town. Here we're all lost in a sea of anonymity."

Please keep letters brief and to the point; we reserve the right to edit all letters as deemed necessary. Letters must include the home address and phone number of the writer and should be sent to Letters to the Editor, The Advocate, P.O. Box 4371, Los Angeles, CA 90078; faxed to [phone]; or E-mailed to [e-mail]. We cannot respond to letters individually. For general information, send an E-mail to [e-mail] with info typed in the subject line of your message.