Your new game's a crying shame, Cilla.YOU'VE got to hand it to LWT LWT London Weekend Television
LWT Look Who's Talking
LWT Leaving Water Temperature
LWT Lewistown, MT, USA - Municipal (Airport Code)
LWT Loaded Wheel Tester (traffic simulating device) for dreaming up The Moment Of Truth.
In the frantic search for ratings, the idea of making kids cry on prime- time television is a corker cork·er
1. One that corks bottles, for example.
2. Slang A remarkable or astounding person or thing.
Old-fashioned slang .
Every single person involved in the production of Saturday evening's shabby, shoddy show should be hanging their heads in shame.
Yes, Cilla. You too.
As a mother, didn't you feel the slightest pang of conscience, the teeniest twinge twinge
A sharp, sudden physical pain.
To cause to feel a sharp pain. of embarrassment, when you looked at the miserable, tear-stained faces of those two little boys Nick and Chris Wisby?
For a fleeting second, did the thought cross your mind that to parade the expensive prizes they had chosen before their eyes - TV, video, computer game console See video game console. , remote-controlled car - and then snatch them away because their mother had failed to play the game properly was an act of despicable, wanton Grossly careless or negligent; reckless; malicious.
The term wanton implies a reckless disregard for the consequences of one's behavior. A wanton act is one done in heedless disregard for the life, limbs, health, safety, reputation, or property rights of cruelty?
I'm not easily shocked. I've seen some terrible tat on TV.
Mainly, I love it.
If grown-ups want to humiliate themselves for a few minutes of fame, fine.
People get on Family Fortunes, behave like prize chumps, and go away empty-handed.
That's their choice.
But if making two young boys blame their mum for dashing their dreams is entertainment, then roll on televised public executions (and yes, they'd get fab
I know kids are tough. Nick and Chris will soon have dried their tears.
That VIP day out at Charlton Athletic, which was their consolation prize consolation prize
A prize given to a competitor who loses or does not win the first prize.
something given to console the loser of a game , is something to look forward to, isn't it? But who knows what mental scars remain?
My heart sank when the Risby family were first shown, sitting grim-faced backstage.
"They're right now getting ready to face their moment of truth," chortled Cilla.
You'd have thought they were getting ready to face a firing squad.
We'd already seen mum Julie practising her almost impossible task - memorising the league positions of all 132 English and Scottish professional football clubs.
And she looked like she'd have been happier scaling the Matterhorn.
In the studio, pressure was piled on.
The drum roll, the fanfare.
Dad and the kids standing with their fingers crossed.
Julie's voice faltered. Barely a third of the way through, she lost it. Aaah! Went the audience. Cilla put on her concerned, sincere face.
Nick hung his head. Chris buried his face in his hands.
Unbelievably, we were then shown a replay.
They're going to cry... YES! They're crying!
I can't wait for the live Christmas special.
The kids are gathered around the tree, waiting to open their presents - when "Santa" Cilla comes down the chimney and asks mum to explain Einstein's Theory Of Relativity theory of relativity
Einstein’s contribution to the space-time relationship. [Science: NCE, 843–844]
See : Turning Point in ten seconds.
Aaah! You did ever so well.
No mountain bikes or GameBoys for you, gang.
But here's a book token Noun 1. book token - a gift voucher that can be exchanged for books costing up to an amount given on the voucher
coupon, voucher - a negotiable certificate that can be detached and redeemed as needed
Britain, Great Britain, U.K. , a Tesco voucher and a signed photo of our Cilla.
A WAIT OFF HER MIND..
QUESTION: Why did the supermodel stare at the carton of orange juice?
Answer: Because the label said concentrate.
Oh, that's so unfair.
Clive James Clive James AM (born October 7, 1939 in Kogarah, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia) is an expatriate Australian writer, poet, essayist, critic, and commentator on popular culture. Meets The Supermodels (Sunday, ITV (1) See interactive TV.
(2) (iTV) The code name for Apple's video media hub (see Apple TV). ) revealed the real reason why Naomi Campbell Naomi Campbell (born May 22 1970) is an English supermodel, actress, singer, and author of Jamaican descent. Biography
Campbell was born in London, England. Her mother, Valerie, was a ballet dancer of Jamaican heritage, who told Arena finds it difficult to string two words together (even one is a bit of a problem). It's because she thinks too much.
"I'm usually quiet because I've got so many things on my brain," she explained.
Clive nodded, sympathetically.
He'd been hanging around for hours at the Paris fashion week for just this moment.
Naomi kept him waiting so long outside her apartment that he had to ask: "What on earth was she doing up there? Writing another novel?"
When Kate Moss arrived for the show in a flurry of arms and legs, like a bundle of twigs blown in by Hurricane Georges This article is about Atlantic hurricane of 1998. For other storms of the same name, see Hurricane Georges (disambiguation).
Hurricane Georges (IPA: [ʒɔʒ] , Clive said: "You could tell Kate was late because Naomi was already there."
Watching the models being pampered pam·per
tr.v. pam·pered, pam·per·ing, pam·pers
1. To treat with excessive indulgence: pampered their child.
2. , painted, primped and preened, it suddenly occurred to Clive that he could have been at a Grand Prix Grand Prix
n. pl. Grand Prix
Any of several competitive international road races for sports cars of specific engine size over an exacting, usually risky course. race.
"Like a racing car in the pits, each girl was surrounded by technicians who could rebuild her in a matter of minutes A Matter of Minutes is an episode from the television series The New Twilight Zone. Cast
Naomi finally went into overdrive when another model trod on her frock, almost ripping it in half, and she had to totter down the catwalk holding the bits together.
This was like watching Jacques Villeneuve's reaction after being shunted off the track by Michael Schumacher Michael Schumacher (pronounced / . /, born January 3, 1969, in Hürth Hermülheim, Germany) is a former Formula One driver, and seven-time world champion.
Except that Villeneuve doesn't roll up for races two hours late.
Charlie's Clanger clang·er
n. Chiefly British
A blunder; a faux pas.
drop a clanger Informal to make a very noticeable mistake
I'M NOT sure whether this counts as a Clanger ... but it makes me laugh.
John Lowe This article is about the darts player. For other uses, see John Lowe (disambiguation).
John Lowe (born in New Tupton, Derbyshire on 21 July 1945) was one of the main competitors who made darts such a huge spectator sport in the 1970s and 1980s. of Huddersfield wonders if Coronation Street's Jack Duckworth had been watching the Clinton tapes before he handed Vera a cup of tea and said: "Get your laughing gear around that, cock ..."
You too could win pounds 30 by writing (on a postcard or the back of a sealed envelope only) to: TV Clangers, The Mirror, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5AP.
ROY and Hayley's moment of truth in last night's Coronation Street ("If neither of us know what we're doing, we won't know if we're doing it wrong...") reminded me of Bob Monkhouse's description of inadvertently pulling a transsexual trans·sex·u·al
A person who strongly identifies with the opposite gender and who chooses to live as a member of the opposite gender or to become one by surgery.
1. Of or relating to such a person.
It was, he said, like putting your feet into an apple-pie bed.
Undercover Heart (Thursday BBC BBC
in full British Broadcasting Corp.
Publicly financed broadcasting system in Britain. A private company at its founding in 1922, it was replaced by a public corporation under royal charter in 1927. 1, 9.30pm)
JUST what we really, really need ... another cop series.
This new six-parter promises to be a cut above the usual "Don't do it, guv, he's not worth it!" stuff, where lots of unshaven men in leather jackets beat up other unshaven men in leather jackets.
Moral dilemmas matter as much as shoot-outs. And keep an eye open for one very hot scene with ice-cubes, involving the delicious Daniela Nardini from This Life.
YOU can catch Charlie talking television at 10am every Saturday on Talk Radio 1053 or 1089 AM.
FUNNY how easy it is to move home in Soapland.
No tiresome business with estate agents, solicitors or removal men. You just throw a few things in a suitcase, call a taxi (or your mum) and off you go.
Fed up to the back teeth with too many McDonalds, Fiona flounced out of Coronation Street after agreeing to sell the salon to Audrey.
Er, for how much exactly?
Audrey had banged on about the price having to be right. Then she roped in Fred as her "business advisor" to persuade Alfie to stump up to pay cash.
See also: Stump the cash - but a sum was never mentioned.
Meanwhile in EastEnders, Gita was moaning: "Sometimes I feel like I want to disappear ..."
No sooner said than done, dear. Next day, she and Sanjay were standing on the pavement bidding a tearful farewell to Ruth and Mark.
"We have to make a fresh start," sniffled Gita, as Mark got down on to his knees to hug her.
The Kapoors had been hounded out by the tabloid Press. Boo, hiss. All week, packs of reporters were roaming around Albert Square, trying to follow up Polly's sensational story: Secret Baby Shame Of "Murder" Wife.
Or to put it another way: East End Market Trader's Missus mis·sus
Variant of missis.
missus or missis
1. Brit, Austral & NZ informal Disappears For A Short Time And Turns Up With Another Man's Kid.
Hold the front page!
What about Ian Beale's story? My Two-Timing Runaway Wife Hired Hitman To Kill Me And Now My Kids Have Vanished.
Or Grant Mitchell's? Falklands Hero Admits: My Alcoholic Brother Bedded My First Wife - Now My Mother-In-Law Is My Lover.
Maybe they should all be on the Jerry Springer Show. Seriously, though, I'm worried about the decline in journalistic standards.
Behind the bar in the pub I spotted a framed, full-page restaurant review headed: A Right Royal Feast At The Queen Vic. Eh? Shepherd's pie and a packet of pork scratchings?
Michael Winner's getting easy to please.
A downmarket rag has been working itself into a lather about soap stars' salaries. Who cares what they ARE paid? Here's what they SHOULD be paid:
Malandra Burrows (Kathy Glover, Emmerdale) pounds 69,000. Emmerdale's plots may be hard to swallow, but without man-eater Kathy, ratings would go down.
David Neilson (Roy Cropper, Coronation Street) pounds 68,000. Roy deserves a BIG raise for taking the plunge with transsexual Hayley.
Claire King (Kim Marchant, Emmerdale) pounds 66,000. Kim loves being in the saddle. But now she's so broke she can't afford a horse.
Ross Kemp (Grant Mitchell in EastEnders) pounds 65,000. Grant receives danger money for getting inside mother-in-law Louise's spray-on trousers.
Michael J. Jackson (Ollie Simpson, Brookside) pounds 62,000. Enough to fund Ollie's Viagra habit after the collapse of his affair with Eleanor.
Anna Brecon (Lady Tara, Emmerdale) pounds 20,000. For a new silver spoon for her mouth, when Lord Michael pawns the one she was born with.
Kerrie Taylor (Lucy Benson, Holly-oaks) pounds 15,000. A new silver spoon for her nose. She's tried every drug bar aspirin.
Elizabeth Bradley (Coronation Street's Maud Grimes); Peter Amory (Emmerdale's Chris Tate) and Charles Lawson (Coronation Street's Jim McDonald) pounds 10,000 each. Those wheelchairs can't need much maintenance..
Wendy Richards (Pauline Fowler, EastEnders) pounds 9,000. To redecorate re·dec·o·rate
v. re·dec·o·rat·ed, re·dec·o·rat·ing, re·dec·o·rates
To change the appearance or furnishings of; refurbish.
To change a decorative scheme. her house for the first time in 15 years. And splash out on a new cardigan.
Clive Hornby (Jack Sugden, Emmerdale) pounds 8,000. He's already rolling in EU farming subsidies.