You do not have to put up with it; Stephen Newton was jailed for life for the murder of his partner. Lesley Storey, domestic violence co-ordinator for Safe Newcastle, explains why women stay with abusers and what they need to do to break away. MIEKA SMILES reports.

Byline: MIEKA SMILES

EVERY week in this country two women are murdered by their partners or expartners.

It is a sad fact that domestic violence and abuse affects one in four women.

This means that someone you know right now is suffering in silence. It could be you, your sister, your next door neighbour, your work colleague or your best friend. How would you know? You could ask them the question 'Are you frightened at home?' If the answer is 'yes', take her seriously and listen carefully to what's being said.

It is extremely difficult to talk about abuse and ask for help. Many victims become totally isolated from their friends and families. Anyone who watched the BBC's recent programme 'Criminal Justice' will now understand how abusers can completely control all aspects of a victim's life.

Emotional bullying, sexual abuse, being kept without money, children seeing their mother being attacked - all of this could be happening on your street today.

Often our focus is on the victim and time and time again we ask 'why does she stay?' 'There's lots of help out there', 'she must like it', 'she's not thinking of her children'.

But to ask these questions is the same as blaming the victim.

The question we should really be asking is 'How can anyone do that to the person they claim to love?' People fail to understand that it is as hard for a victim of domestic abuse to walk out of their home as it is for a prisoner to leave the confines of a jail. Years of abuse erodes self esteem, confidence and self worth.

Quite simply victims believe they deserve to be abused. However, responsibility for the abuse must be placed on the abuser and there is no justification for abuse or violence.

There are also many practical reasons why women do not leave. They may be worried about money to support themselves and their children. They may be worried about losing their home, their possessions and even their children. They may fear being a lone parent and the stigma this can bring.

If you are a victim of domestic violence you have the right to be protected under the law. The first step in getting help is to speak to somebody and there are lots of agencies which can offer support.

There is also some basic safety advice that can be followed.

Identify somewhere you can use a telephone quickly and safely: A friend, family member, neighbour or the nearest pay phone. Is there a neighbour you can trust to telephone the police if they hear sounds of an attack? In an emergency always ring 999. Carry a list of contact numbers in case of an emergency.

This could include friends, family - even wellknown numbers can be forgotten in a panic - the police domestic violence unit and the local refuge number.

Save some money as a crisis fund.

Get an extra set of keys made for the house, car, garage, etc. Keep the keys, crisis fund, important documents and a spare set of clothes for yourself and your children in a bag in a safe place or with someone you can trust.

Avoid the kitchen, garage where there maybe knives or weapons. Also avoid the bathroom where you may get trapped.

Leave when the abuser is not around and take the children with you.

WHERE TO TURN FOR HELP SAFE Newcastle brings agencies together who have made huge improvements in tackling domestic violence in Newcastle. These include Northumbria Police, Newcastle City Council, Northumbria Probation and specialist support agencies such as Women's Aid and Victim Support.

Below are telephone numbers victims or their friends needing advice can call for help: National Domestic Violence Helpline (24 hr.): 0808 200 0247 Women's Aid: [phone] Victim Support: [phone] (working with male & female victims) Panah (Support for black minority ethnic women and their children): [phone]

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ADVICE: Lesley Storey of Safe Newcastle