YOU NEED TO LABOR OVER THIS.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

It's our labor of love, working these otherwise innocuous sports stories into print:

What's the story: Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder is part of a group called First & Goal LLC that created an investment deal with Tom Cruise that will give the beleaguered actor as much as $10 million a year in ``development and overhead costs'' in return for the opportunity to finance his future film projects.

What's the spin: Not an impossible mission, but it does sound like a risky business deal for Snyder. Last time Cruise was in a position to force an NFL owner to show him the money, he didn't come out too badly.

What's the story: Sergio Garcia, one of golf's most eligible bachelors and former boyfriend to tennis star Martina Hingis, is now dating a 23-year-old Boston College student named Morgan-Leigh Norman -- otherwise known as the daughter of Greg Norman. A week after meeting her, Garcia had his best finish of the year, a third-place tie at the PGA Championship.

``It's just started,'' said Garcia, 26, of the relationship. ``We'll see where it goes, but she's definitely very nice. I can't say anything bad about her.''

What's the spin: Just watch your backswing. Word is, her dad's a shark.

What's the story: Ohio State football fans can begin buying a new honey- nut flavored toasted oats cereal called Buckeye HerOes. The first box features three former Ohio State linebacker stars from last season -- A.J. Hawk, Bobby Carpenter and Anthony Schlegel, who are all in the NFL now -- and future boxes will feature other OSU ex-athletes.

What's the spin: Just one question: Does this fulfill the minimum daily requirement of news on Maurice Clarett?

What's the story: The New York Post reports that Lance Armstrong and Paris Hilton were seen together at the Key Club on the Sunset Strip earlier this week to see the band, Vacation. The paper's gossip sources said the two ``came together, hung out and left together.''

What's the spin: French newspapers later reported that Armstrong tested positive for MLS (Matt Leinart's saliva).

What's the story: In a statement responding to various confusing reports about how Adam Vinatieri injured himself, the Indianapolis Colts issued a statement quoting foot specialist Dr. Dave Porter as saying they are treating the high-priced kicker ``for a calcaneal cuboid ligament sprain. Associated with this ligamentous injury is a small chip off the cuboid. His healing will be determined by the ligamentous injury more than the cuboid injury.''

What's the spin: As everyone knows, the cuboid is a tarsal bone on the outer side of the foot, articulating in front with the calcaneus and lateral cuneiform and behind with the fourth and fifth metatarsal bones.

We're just not clear whether it's the port or starboard doohickey that's attached to one of Vinatieri's leg-a-ma-bob.

What's the story: Forbes magazine's annual survey/ estimate of the value of NFL franchises has determined the Washington Redskins ($1.423 billion) top the list for the seventh year in a row, a 13 percent increase over last year.

They are followed by the New England Patriots ($1.176 billion), the Dallas Cowboys ($1.173 billion), the Houston Texans ($1.043 billion) and the Philadelphia Eagles($1.024 billion). The last two teams on the list -- New Orleans ($738 million) and Minnesota ($720 million) -- have been among those most rumored to be candidates to relocate to Los Angeles.

What's the spin: And the value of L.A. not having an NFL franchise: Priceless.

What's the story: In a first for the U.S. market, Mobile ESPN users can subscribe to a service that provides up to 25 live and complete football games on their cell phone each month.

What's the spin: According to Manish Jha, Mobile ESPN senior VP and GM: ``Recognizing our fans aren't always in front of a TV or computer, we feel . . . no better time . . . (inaudible noises) . . . mobile video with a sport as popular as college . . . (high screeching sound).''

Sorry, you keep breaking up. Can you call from a land line?

What's the story: Four players on the Niagara basketball team were charged with disorderly conduct stemming from a late-night altercation in a parking lot.

What's the spin: As long as the ``disorderly'' part didn't involve a barrel and a large, nearby waterfall, the players in trouble should consider themselves lucky.

What's the story: The U.S. Lawn Mower Racing Association holds its annual ``Challenge of Champions'' for its 540 registered members this weekend in Mansfield, Ohio. Jayson Mikula, a 29-year-old mechanic at his family-run yard equipment store in Sparta, Mich., and 2005 driver of the year, is the odds-on favorite to win this year's points title.

What's the spin: In the spirit of Labor Day, we hope these guys at least remember to hire someone to cut their lawns back home while they're away competing.

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CAPTION(S):

4 photos, 3 boxes

Photo:

(1) Signing Tom Cruise, above, could be a risky business venture for Redskins owner Daniel Snyder.

(2) ANDRE AGASSI

(3) DELMON YOUNG

(4) JEFF GEORGE

Box:

(1) Sunday Punch

(2) HOT ... LUKEWARM ... COLDFISH

(3) The Pop Quiz