YOU'RE NOT BONO, SONNY COLDPLAY LEAD'S CURIOUS CHOICES CAN'T DILUTE THE VIBE AT COACHELLA.

Byline: Evan Pondel Staff Writers

Bono he is not.

Coldplay's lead singer Chris Martin is more like a mini-Bono who needs a little lesson in diplomacy before he can rise to the level of his supposed mentor.

Sure, his songwriting skills were strongly present when he performed Saturday night at the sixth Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival. But Martin's attempts to connect with the audience were contrived and about as inspired as peanut butter and jelly.

About midway through the hour-long set, he previewed a song titled ``Love'' from his upcoming album ``X&Y.'' Before the tune began, he asked the audience to take the band's picture on his cue during the song.

Cell phones rose like lighters. Digital cameras rose like periscopes. Martin cued the audience. And thousands of flashbulbs went off in all directions.

Did I miss something?

Or did Martin just bust one of the most egocentric moves known to the most casual of concert observers?

He then proceeded to talk about his previous night's performance in Las Vegas.

``There was more silicone in the audience than there is in Silicon Valley,'' says Martin, who subsequently received more laughs probably out of embarrassment.

Heck, I'm surprised drummer Will Champion didn't reply with a ``bah- dump-bump'' on the snare.

As if the audience needed more tongue-in-cheek humor from this hand-taped humanitarian, Martin then spouted off about how the band recently canceled a show in Las Vegas, and the audience there was simply lousy the night before.

Hey, Chris, do you know how far Las Vegas is from Coachella? Couldn't be more than a few hours. And this might be a stretch, but I'm willing to bet money, big Vegas money, that several of those silicone-inflated fans drove to Coachella to see you Saturday night.

Maybe you should take a lesson from Jamie Cullum, who hours before played a stunning set on a lesser stage. Several years younger than Martin, Cullum performed with dignity, despite a menacing sound problem.

A technical glitch caused wheezing and beeping noises to fill the stage. But Cullum hammered the piano he knows so well even harder, always keeping the audience in his periphery.

Half jazz, half rhythm and blues, with a twist of hip-hop, that's how Cullum brings an audience of all ages together. This shaggy-haired English boy is breathing new life into a jazz world that has grown distant to youth.

Among Cullum's finer moments, he began slapping the piano upside the head, creating a syncopated beat that had a mystifying effect over the audience.

The Chemical Brothers also had their way with listeners' psyches, dropping bombastic beats from their latest ``Push the Button'' album. The English duo knows how to do up music festivals, bombarding fans with laser-guided precision and a light show that makes even the sober-minded forget his or her name.

Musicians weren't the only artists hypnotizing those who came out for day one of Coachella. Enter Orion Frederick(.net). That's his name and Web site, apparently. Frederick, 28, is an artist with a large fire-breathing exhibit at this year's festival. He also enjoys wearing dresses with fairies printed from top to bottom. His hair is done up in pigtails and purple dye.

``Coachella has nothing on Burning Man (a massive outdoor art and music festival),'' says Frederick. ``I'm still having a groovy good time, though. Have you seen my animal?'' His ``animal,'' incidentally, was his metal art exhibit.

For the record, I did see his exhibit. And when Frederick started the gasoline-powered generator so it could spew fire, I gulped and walked away.

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Photo:

Chris Martin of Coldplay performs at the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival in Indio on Saturday.

James Ku/Associated Press