XFL'S ALMOST OUT OF ITS MISERY.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH Media

If it had the chance to overhype itself all over again, the XFL probably wouldn't. Or probably couldn't.

When the marketing geniuses packaged the new league last winter as the anti-NFL, the XFL only set itself up for relentless grief when it couldn't live up to the hoopla, consequently losing a proportional sliver of TV viewers week by week until it nearly bottomed out.

The number of eyeballs glued to Saturday's title game between the Xtreme and San Francisco Whatcha-ma-call-its won't come close to the 10-plus freakish ratings that occurred 12 weeks ago for the anticlimactic premiere. But even if it does, it won't mean the league that NBC naively helped promote will be welcomed back at the network. Even if NBC has to take a reported $45 million loss for backing out of the second year of its deal with the league it half owns.

Matt Vasgersian, who someday might be playing host to an Olympic event for NBC and look back on this with a smirk, has every reason to spit back after the way he was knee-jerked around by clashing egos Vince McMahon and Dick Ebersol.

But he's actually a bit mellow about it all since the end is near.

``It's too bad that people started to panic after the first telecast that had everyone buzzing, because I think we're doing something pretty solid now and it's lost its buzz,'' said Vasgersian, taking the weekend off as the Milwaukee Brewers' TV play-by-play man to finish this mess.

``It wasn't a very good beginning and there was so much wrong I can't put my finger on any one spot. But the bottom line is we weren't allowed to have fun. The fans resented the constant hype.''

After the first week, Vasgersian was shuffled to the NBC backup game and spent five weeks in McMahon purgatory to attone for whatever sins he committed. Paired with Dick Butkus, Vasgersian said he actually ``had a blast because you can do your best work when there's nothing left to lose and there's no fear attached.''

Back on the main team for the second half, Vasgersian was paired not just with maligned Jesse Ventura but also Mike Adamle, and the mix was much more entertaining.

``I got thumped because Vince didn't think I was the right guy for what he wanted, which was hype, hype, hype, sell, sell, sell, and he's right,'' Vasgersian said. ``But if we were allowed to use our own personalities instead of becoming Cal Worthington's deputies selling used cars, it would have been a much more honest product.

``I actually thought the best way to go would be almost as a parody of other sports programming. This would have been the perfect vehicle for that, littering the broadcast with all kinds of cliches. I pictured us doing what David Spade used to do on `Saturday Night Live' with `The Hollywood Minute' - he was the entertainment industry making fun of itself.

``But then we changed our philosophy because we got scared. The execution was all wrong. We got into nonsensical confrontations. Finally, we made fun of ourselves going into the cheerleaders' locker room, but then it was too late.''

Maybe not. If the league is remembered only for all the technical innovations it has brought to a football telecast, that'll be too bad. With a chance to lay a little lower on Sunday afternoons featured on UPN and TNN, there's a chance to reinvent itself.

When NBC bails with an announcement as soon as next week, Vasgersian isn't sure he'll be back to do any more of these carnival acts.

``On game day, it sure was a lot of fun at least,'' he said. ``Maybe we needed more `He Hate Me' guys. That nickname was brilliant.''

Spring stretch: If Ebersol was the NBA commissioner, the Lakers-Blazers best-of-five opening playoff series would be played on five consecutive Sunday afternoons.

The network's telecast of the two teams last Sunday did a 4.0 national rating/10 share, which matches NBC's best NBA number all season. What did it tie? The Lakers-Blazers telecast on Christmas Day.

As it stands, NBC will get Games 1 and 3, and, even if the series goes to a fifth game Friday, May 4, don't be stunned if the first game of the Lakers' next series starts Sunday, May 6. NBC's A-Teamers Marv Albert, Doug Collins and Jim Gray are all over the Lakers' coverage, as they have been during the season.

Collins, who signed Thursday as the new coach of the Washington Wizards, agreed to stick with NBC's broadcast team through the playoffs, and the network has no problem with it.

Next question: Will Collins coach Jordan again? Jordan's noncomeback plans will supposedly be revealed by NBC in an ``exclusive'' interview conducted by - who else? - Ahmad Rashad during a two-parter that starts on Saturday's studio show and ends at halftime of the Minnesota-San Antonio telecast.

Meanwhile, TNT's Charles Barkley, noting NBC's decision to broadcast most of the glamour matchups during the playoffs on opening weekend (TNT has Charlotte-Miami Game 1 on Saturday and Orlando-Milwaukee Game 1 on Sunday), said on the air Wednesday: ``Oh my God, look at NBC getting all the games. They are probably going to give us all the Eastern Conference teams. ... NBC took all the good games. We're going to have the Little Sisters of the Poor. David Stern got us again.''

SOUND BYTES

WHAT SMOKES

--Has Jim Rome softened up now that he's a first-time dad? Hardly. After taking two weeks off his syndicated sports-talk show and ``The Last Word'' on Fox Sports Net to help wife Janet tend to newborn Jake, Rome says he's ``more motivated than ever, I feel I've got to turn it up a notch ... but I also want more balance between work and home. I miss the guy when I'm at work.'' The question is how long Rome will continue his torrid pace of radio and TV smacktalk to become more of a family man. Sources confirm his contracts with Premier Radio and Fox Sports Net run out at the end of 2002.

--Thanks to Jim Fox and Kevin Kennedy for showing broadcast professionalism on Wednesday night's Fox Sports Net ``Southern California Sports Report.'' Either could have been as stupidly giddy as anchors John Fricke and Gaard Swanson were during their reports on the Kings' overtime playoff win and the Kevin Malone firing. Somehow, Fox and Kennedy realized clapping (Fricke and Swanson actually did that coming out of the Kings' telecast) or smiling broadly with transparent, pedestrian analysis wasn't going to cut it for viewers.

--The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences hosts ``Behind The Scenes at ESPN: The Making of SportsCenter'' Thursday at 7:30 p.m. ESPN anchors Dan Patrick, Bob Ley and Stuart Scott, reporter Andrea Kremer and producer Bob Eaton are on the dais. Open to the public at the ATAS theater on 5220 Lankershim Blvd., in North Hollywood, seating reservations can be made by calling [phone].

WHAT CHOKES

--In a Sports Illustrated piece this week on the Detroit Red Wings' ``enigmatic'' Sergei Fedorov, the reader is forced to endure 168 words before finally reaching the first reference to Anna Kournikova.

--Those stall-worthless Dodgers promos on Fox Sports Net. In the one called ``the Dodger fan never rests,'' we're supposed to be amused by the guy crouched in one bathroom stall bothering his neighbor with his theory about Tom Goodwin's lead off first base. The ads promoting Fox's coverage of the team are noteworthy since they're directed by Christopher Guest. So where's the subtle humor from ``Spinal Tap,'' ``Waiting for Guffman'' or ``Best in Show''? Go ahead and flush these and stick with the ones the team made with Eric Karros and Kevin Brown hanging out with kids in the stands.

XFL'S XTREME COASTER RIDE

In nine of the 11 weeks that the XFL was broadcast Saturdays on NBC, the Nielsen ratings/share in Los Angeles were better than the national ratings/share. Five of those NBC weeks featured the Xtreme. A look at the weekly numbers, taking into account L.A. saw games live at 5 p.m. while the Eastern Time Zone had them in prime time at 8 p.m.:

Date National L.A.

Feb. 3 9.5/179.4/18

Feb. 10* 4.6/8 6.7/12

Feb. 17* 3.1/6 5.3/11

Feb. 24 2.6/5 3.4/6

Mar. 3* 2.4/4 3.6/7

Mar. 10 2.4/4 2.3/5

Mar. 17 1.6/3 2.1/5

Mar. 24* 1.8/3 2.8/6

Mar. 31 1.5/3 1.9/4

Apr. 7* 1.5/3 2.7/6

Season avg. 3.3/6 4.0/8

Apr. 14 1.8/4 2.4/6

*-L.A. Xtreme played; -playoffs (Xtreme played April 15 on UPN)

Note: One national rating equals 1.06 million homes; one L.A. ratings point equals 50,000 homes.

CAPTION(S):

2 boxes

Box:

(1) SOUND BYTES (see text)

(2) XFL'S XTREME COASTER RIDE (see text)