Working With Families: Parents As Partners in the Peaceful Classroom.

As children face increasing violence in their world, interest in peace-making and conflict resolution continues to grow in schools across the United States. Many teachers work to develop caring communities that support children's prosocial interactions and child-centered resolutions to conflict in their classrooms. Teachers and families wonder whether children will carry such prosocial attitudes and behaviors into their lives beyond school. This column examines key elements in this so-called carryover factor and offers suggestions to help teachers look beyond the classroom. Teachers and caregivers can provide support within families, by helping children with sibling issues, and outside the family, by working together for safer communities.

We are all aware that adults can be positive models for showing children how to resolve conflicts. Among those adult models are teachers, as well as family and community members. Home/school communication and understanding of the culture and language of the family and community are key factors in collaborating to create safe and caring communities. Important questions to ask are, "What do you do in your classroom that families can do at home?" and "How can we help communities develop and carry out good programs?"

Home/School Communication

Maintain continuous home/school communication, both oral and written, both formal and informal. Begin your communication at the beginning of the school year, establishing a positive relationship before bad news appears in report cards or other problems arise. Use a variety of approaches to reach all families; not all families will be involved in the same way. You will need to consider each family's situation and needs.

The Role of Family and Community Culture

Provide children with continuity between home and school by respecting and welcoming home culture and language. Learn about and respect each family's cultural and communicative norms. Does the family value compliance rather than collaboration? Responsiveness to different language and communication styles helps us avoid our own conflicts with families and allows us to understand diverse conflict management styles.

Common Ground in Approaches to Conflict Resolution

Establish a "team" approach, based on mutual respect. Work toward building home/school continuity and maintaining consistent expectations for children's approach to conflicts. Keep families informed of your class or school peace/violence prevention programs. Ask for their input and ideas. Develop a shared language that children can use at school or home to defuse or resolve conflicts with peers and siblings.

Support for Families: Sibling Issues

Provide information to families about supporting positive interactions among siblings. Offer books, brochures, parent education meetings, and parent support groups to help families learn how to help brothers and sisters get along. Integrate children's books that show family conflicts being resolved peacefully. If children are reading books where siblings are portrayed as rivals or as not getting along, discuss why this should not be the norm. Work to create family-building activities, like old-fashioned board games and games that require cooperation.

Adults As Models in Their Own Social Interactions

Be aware of your interactions with other adults. Model the same respectful language with colleagues as you expect children to display. Reminders, posters, and the occasional intervention (gentle or, perhaps, firm yet respectful) can prompt families and other adults in the building to demonstrate courteous language and behavior.

Adults As Models in the Community

Encourage connections with positive adult models in the community. Caring leaders work with children in churches, sports teams, scout groups, and other community activities. Support your school in providing space for these activities, if possible. Develop partnerships with community businesses. Volunteers from local businesses have long made regular visits to schools as tutors and reading buddies.

Books for Teacher and Families

Faber, A., & Mazlish, E. (1995). How to talk so kids can learn at home and at school. New York: Rawson Associates.

Faber, A., & Mazlish, E. (1998). Siblings without rivalry: How to help your children live together so you can live, too (10th anniversary ed.). New York: Avon Books.

Crary, E. (1984). Kids can cooperate: A practical guide to teaching problem solving. Seattle, WA: Parenting Press. (7750 31st Ave. NE, Seattle, WA 98115)

Janke, R. A., & Peterson, J. P. (1995). Peacemaker's ABC's for young children: A guide for teaching conflict resolution with a peace table. (16542 Orwell Rd. North, Marine on St. Croix, MN 55047)

Letts, N. (1997). Creating a caring classroom: Hundreds of practical ways to make it happen. New York: Scholastic Press. (Includes chapter for parents)

Online Resources for Parents

Please note that Web addresses change from time to time and may not be accurate at a later date. Do search the Web for good ideas and resources.

* Caring Kids Realistic Fiction and Fantasy for Children Ages 8-12.

Stories that parents can read and discuss with children that are based on themes of peace, social responsibility, ecology, human rights, and tolerance. Stories by Irma K. Ghosn. www.caringkids.com/main.html

* Growing Communities for Peace

Resources for teachers and parents, including books, stories, songs, and activities available for school and home. www.peacemaker.org/

* Peace Education International

A book for family conflict solving, "We Can Work It Out: Creating Peace in the Home," by Fran Schmidt. www.goforpeace.com/html/conflict.html

* "31 Things To Do Instead of Hitting or Screaming"

Ways for adults to defuse anger, provided by Illinois Parents Anonymous. http://npin.org/library/1999/n00127.html

* WOW (Wish Only Well) Peace Education Project

Project by a group of Australian schoolchildren using their computer club to promote peace. www.wowzone.com/wpwpep.htm

--Edyth Wheeler, Towson University, [e-mail]; Aline Stomfay-Stitz, University of North Florida, [e-mail]