Winter Frolics? Not in the School Business.

A Frozen Judgment

When the CBS-TV affiliate in Syracuse, N.Y., flashed a school closing announcement due to freezing rain and snow, 23,000 students in the Syracuse City School District undoubtedly cheered the news. Radio stations quickly picked up the report, and school bus drivers en route to work turned around and went home.

Unfortunately, the TV station's announcement was in error, but corrective action was impossible. The station apologized for causing the snafu, but with no other recourse, the district superintendent closed schools anyway.

Doubling Up Security

One blustery day, a student assigned to outside patrol duty approached Marilee Davids, a secretary at Galway Elementary School in Silver Spring, Md. Because 40-mile-per-hour winds were forecast the next day, she wanted to know about the possibility of posting two student patrollers at each stop.

When Davids asked why the student thought this was necessary, she said, "We need one patrol to watch traffic, and other patrol to pick up the little children who blow over."

(Source: The Bulletin, Montgomery County, Md., Public Schools)

Just Blowing Bubbles

The School Administrator fields a stream of blatant promotional mail from all manner of proprietors. But one recent FAX missive caught our eye: Brain Gum.

With a promise to boost learning, memory and word skills, the creators of Brain Gum point to validating studies by Stanford and Vanderbilt universities about the product's active ingredient, phospatidylserine, a chemical found naturally in brain cells.

The product's inventor recently told one newspaper columnist: "Brain Gum won't make an F student an A student. However, if you were an A and now feel like an F, it will help restore you back to an A."

Any chance educators soon will be sanctioning Chiclet-chewing in classrooms?

Won't Do Dirty Work

Steve Joel was a self-described "brash, young first-year superintendent in a rural Kansas school district who really felt that I had arrived." While driving around the district during his first week, Joel remembers "feeling an incredible rush of ego."

So he was none too pleased when his wife called the office to ask him to pick up their 3-year-old son from day care that afternoon. Joel told his wife that a superintendent "doesn't do that stuff--that, in fact, it would be degrading for me to go out there."

He relented, and once at the babysitter's, Joel spotted his son in a group and called him to come quickly to the door so they could leave. The youngster resisted, saying he wanted his father to meet his new friends.

"Reluctantly, I walked over with an anxious attitude and a bit angry with his noncompliance," says Joel. Then the son innocently introduced him: "This is my dad, the stupid-intendent."

That is how Joel says he learned a valuable life lesson.

An Honest Review

When Jerry Jereb was a 1st-year middle school principal, his youngest son was an 8th-grader at the school. After a month had gone by, the principal figured it was time to solicit feedback about his reputation.

Jereb asked his son to level with him: "Do the students like me as a principal?"

His son hesitated, then chose his words carefully. "Dad, they like you ... about as much as they can like a principal."

Days to Remember

According to the 1998-99 school calendar compiled by the Illinois Association of School Boards, schools in the Prairie State will be observing the following commemorative and legal holidays: Recycling Day, Leif Erickson Day, Mayors' Day and Casimir Pulaski's Birthday.

Counting on the Lottery?

Think you're underpaid? Consider the wages of superintendents in South Dakota.

A statewide survey last year revealed the average superintendent salary to be $46,760, even though they averaged 19 years of administrative experience. Only one clears six figures and another five made at least $80,000.

Superintendents at the bottom of the list, who were part-timers, barely clear five figures.

Relief, At Last

Richard Brockel was helping lead a 4th grade science lesson while working as an assistant principal a few years back. The topic was vestigial organs so Brockel mentioned how some organs, such as the appendix and tonsils, may have been more important in prehistoric times than they are today.

At that point, a young girl chimed in: "I know what you mean," she said. "My mom had her hemorrhoids removed last week, and she feels wonderful now."

Short humorous anecdotes, quips, quotations and malapropisms for this column relating to school district administration and school board governance should be addressed to: Editor, The School Administrator, 1801 N. Moore St., Arlington, Va. 22209.