Who, me? Date?

Here it comes ... Valentine's Day, the time of the year that exceeds the combination of all holidays in total retail candy and flower sales.

Most women, who are by gender experts on the subject, will be happy to tell you that the era of dating extends from the words "Would you like to go out?" to the words "I do." In some unfortunate instances, it fizzles out at the words "Will you marry me?"

Dating, by which we mean the flurried process when two people become attracted, spend obscene amounts of time together, and lavish attention, affection, and gifts upon each other in preparation for a sprint up the aisle, does not have to die with the last strains of the wedding music. In fact, if it does, marital unhappiness ultimately results. Both partners need to love and be loved. Within the dating relationship there were clear-cut guidelines. Whatever was fun, legal, and moral went.

Marriage can be another prospect entirely especially if we grew up with models of marriage that lacked displays of affection. And in the crush of everyday life romance is the most convenient thing to drop, because it is the least likely to suffer. For the moment.

There will come a day, however, when you will catch your breath to stop and smell the roses, only to find that they are dried up and scentless. You may wonder if you truly love the person you have married, or what on earth you actually have in common anymore. Without that concentration on maintaining the relationship with your spouse, you might even be tempted by seemingly greener pastures.

But this doesn't have to happen. It is possible to nurture your relationship by continuing to "date" your mate. Dating shouldn't be a problem. You've already had practice. But there are some hurdles.

Scheduling: Some couples prefer to set a particular day of the week. That is known as "Date Night," and to survive, it must be inflexible. Date Night is just that--a date. It does not include children. That would be Family Night.

Other couples find that by sharing daily schedules with each other they are able to arrange times to do things together. If your children are young, you may not find any time that is free. In that case you'll have to make it.

Child Care Let's face it--dates can be expensive. And now you have to figure in child care. First look for "free" sources of child care, such as relatives. Or consider swapping baby-sitting time with friends. You might try swapping services--for example, cooking a meal one night a week for an elderly or young family who would in turn watch your children. If all else fails, hire a baby-sitter. It's worth it.

Money: The most important aspect of a date isn't the amount of money you spend; it's the quality of the time you spend together and sometimes the novelty of it. Take advantage of free offerings by your public library, art gallery, museums, and other local attractions. Go on picnics and take up sports and hobbies you can do together. You will find that you are limited more by your imagination than money.

So is it a date?

Five Dates for Any Pocket

1. Take breakfast to a playground. Be sure to swing and go down the slide. 2. Go fly a kite. 3. Eat by candlelight ... in the backyard. 4. Go parking and kiss in the car. 5. Find a pond with ducks and feed them.

Celeste perrino Walker finished this column for Vibrant Life before she and her husband went out on a date in Rutland, Vermont.