Where we live: as the country opens its arms to openly gay and lesbian people, the places we call home have grown beyond urban gay ghettos. The Advocate welcomes you to this new American landscape.

As they walk arm in arm across a downtown street toward the entrance of a popular bar, Maggie Ryan and Melanie Moore could be an advertisement for cosmopolitan gay life. They're decked out in tight jeans, designer boots, and fitted black overcoats, their entire look and attitude screaming urban lesbian chic. But this is far from an urban setting.

"You have to see Cowgirl Bar & Grill," Ryan says as we approach a house-like structure with a small courtyard that looks more like a Mexican restaurant than a nightclub. "This place is great."

Inside, a dense mix of people--gay, straight, urban hipster, and rancher boy--listen to a local pop musician pour his soul into a microphone at one end of the room. Just beyond, a lively crowd shoots pool in a small lounge. A group of women--some wearing cowboy hats that barely hide their buzz cuts--emerges from a dining room on the other side of the bar. This is the heart of Santa Fe right here," Moore says proudly.

Like so many of the city's residents, Moore, 34, and Ryan, 27, came from more urban places to this high-elevation town of incredible natural beauty nestled against New Mexico's Sangre de Cristo Mountains. Santa Fe, they say, "is the best place" they've lived. It's a place for mavericks and misfits. "And as far as being gay, it's completely integrated," Moore says. "We hold hands everywhere."

Integrated. That's how out gays and lesbians across the country portray their city or town when asked why it's a great place to live. During a time when gay people are coming out at younger ages, many cities outside of the traditional urban gay centers have become important examples of this subtle ingredient of positive change. "As society becomes more accepting, the need for intense gay enclaves begins to dissipate," says Gary Gates, 45, a demographer who studies LGBT populations at the Williams Institute at the University of California, Los Angeles, School of Law. "It's not that they won't need a gay community, they just won't have to move to find it."

Most of the gay people I spoke with for this story said they still value a strong gay culture, but ethnic diversity, good jobs, low crime rates, abundant natural beauty, and a never-ending stream of things to do are equally if not more important. Many also want good public schools where they will be accepted as parents. "We're raising two African-American kids and no one even bats an eye," says San Diego resident Tim Mulligan, 39, an attorney who is raising a 7-year-old son and a 3-year-old daughter with his partner, Sean Murphy, 43. "We live in a white neighborhood and we're sending our kids to a public school. A lot of times we are the only same-sex parents [at school events]. The school thinks it's great. The sports teams think it's great. It's been awesome. San Diego is a beautiful place to raise kids."

From Ithaca, N.Y., to Missoula, Mont., gay residents praise a small-town feel even before mentioning how gay-friendly their cities might be. A great place to live is self-contained, with little congestion, they say, but has enough big-city amenities to prevent the need for routine travel. "There are things going on all over town," says Brett Gambill, 27, a gay fourth-grade teacher who lives in Columbus, Ohio. "It's a great city. It's not too big. Everything is 20 minutes away. But it's big enough that you don't feel like you're stuck in Middle America."

I discovered the same urban-bucolic balance in Santa Fe. It has big retail stores on the edge of town, while small pueblo-style adobe homes and businesses--the city's official architectural style-line most of the streets and blanket the rocky hills and ravines around the city. Their rounded edges and soft colors provide a seamless transition between humanity and nature and a charming backdrop to the city's very walkable downtown.

A world-class outdoor opera house sits amid the cliffs just outside of town. Ski slopes are a short drive up the mountain. And at the Japanese-inspired Ten Thousand Waves along the way, there are outdoor tubs and spa services. Like many of the city's attractions, these are enjoyed by more locals than tourists.

Then there are the galleries, hundreds of them displaying the works of international artists. "I love having a community where art is really important," says local activist Donald Stout as he drives me along Canyon Road, a small street shaded by pine trees and populated almost exclusively with art galleries housed in small adobe bungalows. "It just brings such an interesting mix of people."

Indeed, Santa Fe is known as "The City Different," says Stout, 56, a CPA who co-owns a candy business in town with his partner of six years, Chuck Higgins, 58, and Bill Lynn, 56. In the 2000 census Santa Fe had one of the highest percentages of same-sex couples.

But you might not know it just to have visited. The city has no gay bars and no gay community center. "People tell me, 'You should open a gay bar,'" says Cliff Skoglund, 45, a dapper ex-New Yorker who treats me to duck salad and crab cakes at his world-famous Geronimo restaurant, one of several he co-owns in town. "I think if I did that, nobody would come."

That's because Santa Fe's LGBT residents have long preferred to be an ingredient in the cocktail rather than their own special drink. But that may be changing now that RainbowVision Santa Fe has opened on the edge of town. Although the development is targeted at LGBT retirees, residents are a mix of gay and straight who own or lease a variety of adobe condos or, if they have special health needs, reside in assisted-living apartments.

As I enter RainbowVision's community center, it's clear the place has a distinctly gay flair, with contemporary design, a stylish nightclub, a full-service salon, a five-star restaurant, and meeting spaces for community groups. "We've become a stop for gay people," says founder and CEO Joy Silver, 52. "That even furthers the feeling of community in this town."

Barbara Cohn, 62, and Jan Gaynor, 64, came to RainbowVision from the Bay Area because they wanted to retire in Santa Fe. "There's a wonderful sense of being," says Cohn, an orchestral musician. "We were struck by the spirituality. We were leaving a way of life that we knew was available here."

It's what they call "woo woo," says Francis Phillips, 42, a local mortgage broker who has worked with RainbowVision, and who describes the loan business he manages with his partner of 11 years, Michael Piotti, 46, as "explosive." A lot of people, including many gays and lesbians, are attracted to Santa Fe because of its vegetarian, anticorporate, New Age spiritual bent, he says. "The mind-set is very 'manana,' very slow-paced." he adds. "It makes you appreciate your environment."

Santa Fe is one of the oldest U.S. cities; it dates to 1607. Residents proudly speak of" an enduring diversity that reaches back to that time when the Spanish conquistadors first settled in this Native American village. "We were on the edge of the Spanish empire, then we were on the edge of the American expansion," says Santa Fe mayor David Coss, who served as grand marshal in the city's 2006 gay pride parade. "So we just became a place that was different and glad to see people come here."

In Lexington, Ky.--another stop on my quest to find great places to live--the city's gay residents also tout a strong history of diversity and a resounding quality of life. The city made its fortune on bourbon, tobacco, and most of all, horse racing. It's played host to many celebrities and jet-setters, including Rock Hudson and Queen Elizabeth II, who boards horses at an area farm. Parts of several classic films, including Raintree County, starring Elizabeth Taylor, were filmed in the area.

Lexington has always considered itself a bastion of liberal culture, says Bob Morgan, 58, a longtime resident and local gay historian. "Young gay people now feel sense of entitlement to prance the streets of Lexington," he says. "Or to be just as boring as heterosexuals. They are going to church, holding hands in public, or pushing a baby stroller."

Morgan invites me up to his second-floor artist loft in an old building on Lexington's historic Victorian Square. On the walls of a small gallery hang black-and-white photographs of Lexington's notables, including gay artist Henry Faulknet, who dated Tennessee Williams, and Sweet Evening Breeze (a.k.a. James Herndon), a female-identified African-American man whose downtown evening strolls in costume were so much a part of the city's social fabric that local policemen gladly chauffeured her to and fro.

Drag queens, the civil rights movement, and an enduring arts and music scene all have contributed to Lexington's gay-friendly nature. "If you want to live in a place that has the hospitality and quirkiness of the South but is tolerant and uncongested, Lexington is all that," says Jeff Jones, 41, an assistant professor of public health at the University of Kentucky and one of Lexington's cognoscenti.

Jones shows me the cozy three-bedroom bungalow he owns with his partner, Chris, in a gayborhood known by the locals as "Dyke Heights." After snacking on beer cheese and pickled watermelon rind he drives me up to the beautiful Keeneland racetrack, where during the horse racing season fabulous gay boys mingle with "old money, truck drivers, and straight families."

You can't discount the role horses have played in the progressive social climate in Lexington, he says. Churchill Downs in Louisville is where the Kentucky Derby is held, but Lexington is where the history of horse breeding and racing resides. In recent years out lesbian couples have begun to emerge as prominent players in the horse farm business.

While there are a number of gayborhoods, gay bars, and a gay community center in Lexington, the people who go to them speak of the kind of gay-straight integration I found in Santa Fe. "Kentucky is a family-orientated state," says Paul Brown, 30, chair of the Bluegrass chapter of Kentucky Fairness Alliance, a statewide LGBT advocacy group. "I like the small-town feel. I feel a definite unity here. In Lexington I'm surrounded by great people."

Brown is sitting with a large group of gay and lesbian friends at a bohemian restaurant called Alfalfa in the heart of downtown. As in Santa Fe, I discover that most of the people have come from somewhere else--or in some cases "fled to Lexington." Both Brown and Jeffrey Moore, 38, grew up in Henderson, a small town in southwest Kentucky where many people are religious fundamentalists and antigay. Moore didn't want to leave the state, so he came to Lexington, where "you can be yourself," he says.

Shannon Stuart-Smith, 51, has lived all over the country, and chose to come to Lexington, where she met her partner of seven years, Julia Fain, 39, who also came from out of state. Fain works at Lexmark, an office supply company employing thousands of people. They like the high salaries and low cost of living. "It's a quality of life I want in a city," says Stuart-Smith. "The crime rate is low. I have culture. I have progressive theater. And the people are just friendly."

The following day I walk with Burley Thomas around Gratz Park in downtown Lexington. Historic homes shaded by tall trees surround a grassy square where the Confederate and Union armies camped at different times during the Civil War. Thomas, a 27-year-old gay communications staffer at the University of Kentucky, lives in a nearby apartment on what local gays affectionately refer to as "fag hill." "It's Greenwich Village in Lexington," he says.

While Thomas is happy to be living in a less-than-urban environment, he goes out of his way to show me something decidedly urban. At a nearby shuttered parking garage he rolls up a rusted steel door. A colorful collage of graffiti by various artists covers the interior. "This is my favorite spot," he says. "It's real art. It's hip-hop. It's beautiful deviancy."

At the Cowgirl, Moore and Ryan also seem to long for urban qualities not easily found in the city they call home. "We need more young gay boys," Moore says as she orders a margarita. I give her a surprised look, thinking this might be the reason I've been hauled off to Cowgirl. "We need big hunky Chelsea boys." (OK, maybe I'm not the reason.) "We need that energy. There are a lot of powerful lesbians here; now we need big fun gays."

Moore knows about big fun gays from Chelsea. She was a popular DJ back in New York City and still DJ's in Santa Fe. But in many big cities lesbians and gay men don't really hang out together. In Santa Fe's integrated culture, such segregation doesn't exist, and that's the way Moore and Ryan like it.

--Todd Simmons and David Stalling contributed to this report.

Growing gayborhoods

An up-and-coming gay enclave has a "richness of diversity," a sense of "renaissance," and better affordability than most established "gayborhoods," says Jeffery Hammerberg, president of GayGhettos.com and gay RealEstate.com, who offers the following list of emerging gay ghettos

MIDTOWN, ATLANTA

A large gay population adds diversity to the area, which boasts an active arts scene and manifold housing options.

SOUTH END, BOSTON

This community--where housing is on the expensive side--boasts vibrant gay, black, and young urban professional populations.

NORTH DAVIDSON STREET, CHARLOTTE, N.C.

Quickly becoming an eclectic urban enclave, this historic arts district attracts many gay residents.

ANDERSONVILLE, CHICAGO

A longtime lesbian neighborhood complete with locally owned independent businesses.

WICKER PARK, CHICAGO

A wonderfully diverse and dynamic historic neighborhood that's home to one of the largest working artist populations in the country.

OAK CLIFF, DALLAS

Stroll through Oak Cliff and you'll see what old Dallas may have looked like. Now about half of the neighborhood's businesses are gay-owned.

STAPLETON, DENVER

The old Stapleton International Airport grounds now host an urban tapestry of homes, shops, offices, parks, and schools in an easily walkable community with numerous gay residents.

EAST SIDE, MADISON, WIS.

A mostly middle-class neighborhood with liberal values and a thriving arts scene.

THE THIRD WARD AND SOUTH SECOND STREET, MILWAUKEE

Directly across the Milwaukee River from the Third Ward, an already established arts and entertainment district, the gay-friendly South Second Street corridor is gathering buzz as Milwaukee's next renaissance neighborhood.

CLINTON, NEW YORK CITY

Gay boutiques, restaurants, and nightclubs have popped up all around the Hell's Kitchen area.

WASHINGTON SQUARE WEST, PHILADELPHIA

A neighborhood of handsome townhomes and charming, narrow back streets with many gay businesses and clubs.

SHAW, WASHINGTON, D.C.

Gay businesses and home buyers are flocking to this area, tucked behind and beside the newly revitalized convention center.

Gay condo boom

As gays and lesbians across the nation become ever more comfortable "blending," many still seek other LGBT seniors with whom to spend their retirement years By William Henderson 

Hoping to retire with your gay and lesbian friends in a stylish community with urban flair and lots of convenient services? Your choices are growing, but you may want to consider buying now.

"Gay people are looking forward to--more so than the general population, I think--the second half of life, and they are making plans accordingly," says Nancy Whitley, managing partner of the gay-targeted Paradise One retirement community in Easthampton, Mass. "We created something that we want [that will appeal] to those looking for the same thing."

Whitley has no finished units to show yet, but aging gay baby boomers are already lining up to reserve units. Slated to break ground this July, Paradise One is expected to welcome its first residents by late 2008, with the development's completion expected in summer 2009.

"At its heart Paradise One is a place that is especially gay-friendly, because as LGBT people there are so few welcoming housing options for us as we age," Whitley says.

Gay-friendly retirement communities also are planned or have already opened in Florida, California, Arizona, and North Carolina. Many are offering a laundry list of amenities, including onsite concierge service, cultural programs and activities, and lifelong learning partnerships with area colleges.

Despite an increasingly gay-accepting environment in the United States, demand for communities billed as gay-friendly will continue to be strong says Leif Holland of the Gay and Lesbian Association of Retiring Persons. "We expect the GLBT baby boomers of tomorrow to create a need 20 times that of today," Holland says. 'We think LGBT-owned, GLBT-operated communities will be more attractive to our aging community."

As long as they also welcome straight retirees, says Massachusetts state representative Brian Wallace, a Democrat. In December 2006, Wallace opposed development of a gay retirement condo complex, Stonewall Communities, in his South Boston district, saying he feared setting a double standard by allowing discrimination against heterosexual residents. But after learning that

Stonewall would put out the welcome mat for gay-friendly heterosexuals, Wallace recanted. Stonewall Communities president David Aronstein says straight interest in his development only makes it better. "I think the fact that there is a desire [among straight people] for a residential community in Boston where older lesbians and gay men are in the majority is something that the community can be very proud of," he says.

Gay-friendly places with a small-town atmosphere, big-city amenities, and substantial integration range in size from very small suburbs to cities with more than a million people. Here is The Advocate's first list of Best Places for Gays and Lesbians to Live. All figures for population, median household income, and median house cost are 2007 data from BestPlaces.net (produced by Fast Forward Inc.).

COLUMBUS, OHIO

POPULATION: 734,288

MEDIAN HOUSEHOLD INCOME: $43,535

MEDIAN HOUSE COST: $218,000

GAY COMMUNITY CENTER: Stonewall Columbus Community Center

GAY PUBLIC OFFICIALS: Mary Jo Hudson, city council member

PRO-GAY LAWS OR PUBLIC POLICIES: No discrimination in all of the cites "employment decisions, programs, services, and activities"

"I grew up in a small town in Ohio," says elementary school teacher Brett Gambill, 27. "I could not wait to get to Columbus. It's wonderful to be in a place that is supportive and friendly. I don't have a reason to leave. It's a big hometown."

Gambill lives in Victorian Village, one of several gayborhoods around downtown Columbus. In the nearby Short North Arts District, same-sex couples are seen holding hands while strolling in and out of the area's many eclectic shops. "You drive down our main drag, and as you get from north campus [of Ohio State University] to downtown there are maybe 40 gay pride flags on different businesses," says Molly Muth, 48, an account manager for a computer company who lives in the Clintonville neighbor hood with her partner of 10 years, Judy Herendeen, 54. "It used to be a run-down, dilapidated area. Now it's the kind of place you want to take people. There are lots of galleries and restaurants and bars."

There are good jobs and affordable housing too, buoyed by the presence of the university. And there are many beautiful parks and bike paths around the city.

The first Saturday of every month is Gallery Hop in Short North. Art galleries stay open late, there's live music, and the whole place turns into a kind of street party. "It's not just gay people," Gambill says. "It's diversity. I love it."

The state of Ohio has one of the worst anti-gay marriage laws on the books, but that doesn't bother Gambill or Muth. "We have a political climate that's warming up to the fact that we exist," Muth says.

DALLAS, TEXAS

POPULATION: 1,223,889

MEDIAN HOUSEHOLD INCOME: $42,491

MEDIAN HOUSE COST: $120,900

GAY COMMUNITY CENTER: John Thomas Gay and Lesbian Community Center

GAY PUBLIC OFFICIALS: Michael Dupree, Dallas constable; Gary Fitzsimmons, county clerk; Jim Foster, county judge; Lupe Valdez, county sheriff

PRO-GAY LAWS OR PUBLIC POLICIES: No discrimination in public employment

David Nathanson, 46, lived and worked in Dallas from 1986 to 1991 before moving to San Francisco. Now he's back and he couldn't be happier. In fact, he describes Dallas as 'the San Francisco of Texas." "For a third of the cost of living in San Francisco you can have a very lovely, easy life here," he says. "You can have access to anything you want to buy or see."

Nathanson, who owns an international health care relations firm that works with AIDS groups, says Dallas is a better place to run a business. "And if you're gay, there's plenty to do, plenty of places to go, and there's a lot of camaraderie," he says. "The gays are very friendly."

Dallas may be a top 10 city in size, but gayborhoods such as Oak Lawn and Cedar Springs have a small-town feel, and gay couples there are often seen holding hands. Dallas also is home to the Cathedral of Hope, known as the world's largest church with a predominantly gay membership.

Unlike much of Texas, Dallas is becoming very liberal, says Russell Boaz, 25, who lives in Oak Lawn and works as a host at an Italian restaurant. "I grew up in Lindale, Texas, very Bible Beltish," he says. "I came here and I was in this community where I was accepted. There's a very large, active gay singles scene here. There's a lot of art and theater."

FERNDALE, MICHIGAN

POPULATION: 21,527

MEDIAN HOUSEHOLD INCOME: $51,509

MEDIAN HOUSE COST: $145,600

GAY COMMUNITY CENTER: Affirmations Lesbian and Gay Community Center Gay public officials: Craig Covey, city council member

PRO-GAY LAWS OR PUBLIC POLICIES: Nondiscrimination in housing, employment, and public accommodations

Just north of 8 Mile Road, made famous by rapper Eminem, is the Detroit suburb of Ferndale, home to Affirmations, one of the country's most active LGBT community centers. But that's not all that makes this hip small town of charming bungalows and boutique shops a great place for gays.

"When you live here you really live here," says Ann Heler, 64, a counselor who in 1993 cofounded a residents association together with a dozen LGBT residents. "We're a city that's doing stuff. We just had a bank open with an art gallery in the front."

In the early 1990s there were antigay threats as LGBT people began to move to Ferndale, Heler says. So the cites LGBT residents have taken a proactive community role. "We volunteered for cleanup day. We volunteered for commissions," she says. "People just got used to us. Now even the Ferndale Elks club has gay members and it's no big deal."

Ferndale has since become a model for the future of the Midwest, says Todd Stuart, 46, a freelance writer and former Los Angeles resident who lives with his partner, Mauricio Gutierrez, 35. "Despite Detroit's economic downpour, Ferndale seems fairly watertight" he says. "It's a resilient and diverse community, a mix of blue-collar, white-collar, queers, African-Americans, peace activists, and aging hippies. There's a yoga meditation center across the street from the Dollar Store, a health food supermarket across from an Irish gift shop, and the gay and lesbian center is next to a sports bar."

ITHACA, NEW YORK 

POPULATION: 30,566

MEDIAN HOUSEHOLD INCOME: $24,796

HOUSE COST: $228,300

GAY PUBLIC OFFICIALS: Kathy Luz Herrera, Tompkins County legislator; Shane Seger, city council member; Gwen Wilkinson, district attorney

PRO-GAY LAWS OR PUBLIC POLICIES: Human rights ordinance includes sexual orientation and gender expression; domestic-partner registry

If you're driving through downtown Ithaca, you won't miss Ithaca Falls, a stunningly beautiful waterfall on the edge of the city. It's just one of the many natural wonders in this outdoor-oriented college town in upstate New York.

On your drive through the city you might also see a bumper sticker that says ITHACA IS GORGES. Or another that reads ITHACA IS l0 SQUARE MILES SURROUNDED BY REALITY. "It's an hour to anywhere big," says Jason Hungerford, 29, a Web developer who lives with his partner of eight years, Jason Seymour, 30. "But Ithaca has everything you need." That includes a downtown pedestrian mall known as the Commons with a dense mix of small shops, ethnic restaurants, trendy bookstores, and coffeehouses. "You can walk on the street and hold your partner's hand and it doesn't even get a look," says Hungerford. While there's no LGBT center, the gay bar Common Ground hosts many community events.

The presence of Cornell University and Ithaca College, accounting for about half the city's residents, might have something to do with the city's gay-friendly nature. "It's not a gay utopia, but it's the closest I've found so far," says Maureen Kelly, 36, vice president of education and training for Planned Parenthood for the Ithaca area, who lives with her partner of 12 years. Lis Maurer, 42, an LGBT coordinator at Ithaca College. (The large population of students makes the city's median income figure skew low.)

When 50 gay and lesbian couples from Ithaca challenged the state's ban on same-sex marriage in 2004, the city government publicly supported them. I've always heard that small college towns are very progressive," says Hungerford, who was a member of the "Ithaca 50." "That's certainly true of Ithaca."

LEXINGTON, KENTUCKY

POPULATION: 270,124

MEDIAN HOUSEHOLD INCOME: $44,734

MEDIAN HOUSE COST: $151,550

GAY COMMUNITY CENTER: Pride Center of the Bluegrass

GAY PUBLIC OFFICIALS: Jim Gray, vice mayor; Ernesto Scorsone, state senator

PRO-GAY LAWS OR PUBLIC POLICIES: Countywide antidiscrimination measure includes sexual orientation and gender identity, covers housing employment, and public accommodations

Allen McDaniel, 21. grew up on a horse farm in Lexington. He came out while attending a Christian high school. His parents accepted him, and his fellow students elected him class vice president. Now he's an adviser for the Lexington Gay-Straight Alliance, an LGBT youth group. "I'll always live here," he says. "I really enjoy the people. It's a real mix. I have an excellent quality of life."

Lexington has a long history of diversity and gay life. Now it's growing rapidly, with condo complexes going up all around a historic town center to support the University of Kentucky and a number of large corporations, including Lexmark and Toyota. The city also has vibrant nightlife revolving around an enormous gay nightclub known simply as the Bar, which has offered drag shows and disco for decades.

Then there are the horses. A long-established industry of horse breeding and racing provides an attractive combination of progressive attitudes and career opportunities. Jennifer Crossen, 49, owns the horse farm Windy Knoll with her partner of 18 years, Joan Callahan, 60, where she trains young people in horse racing and jumping. "In Lexington, I was able to start a business and do what I wanted to do," says Crossen, who also hosts a gay pride picnic on her farm every year.

MISSOULA, MONTANA

POPULATION: 61,496

MEDIAN HOUSEHOLD INCOME: $34,840

AVERAGE HOUSE PRICE: $241,300

GAY COMMUNITY CENTER: Western Montana Gay and Lesbian Community Center

GAY PUBLIC OFFICIALS: None

PRO-GAY LAWS OR PUBLIC POLICIES: Countywide and statewide nondiscrimination in public-sector employment; health insurance for domestic partners of city and county employees

David Stalling, 46, didn't settle in Missoula because it was a gay-friendly town. In fact, he was deeply closeted when he arrived in Montana out of the Marine Corps in 1986. "I moved here to be dose to wildlife and wild places," he says. "One time I backpacked 800 miles from Missoula to Canada, taking eight weeks and only crossing three roads." When he finally decided to marry his love of the wild with his desire to live openly, Stalling found an accepting environment and lots of services for gay people.

"Missoula is a great place to live and one of the more progressive communities in the state," says David Herrera, 44, founder of the Montana Gay Men's Task Force.

The city is home to the University of Montana and is known as a hub for social and environmental activism. An energetic social scene exists in downtown bars--including one gay bar--coffee shops, and cafes. The Catalyst, a restaurant owned by two lesbians, has several gay people on staff. "It's kind of a gay place," says co-owner Martha Buser, 45. "But there are lots of gay-friendly places in Missoula."

Buser moved to Missoula 10 years ago and quickly found it offered a less "pretentious" atmosphere than other places, with no pressure to fall into stereotypical robes. "Here," she says, "a woman--straight or lesbian--can be comfortable wearing Carhartt gear and flannel shirts. It's not so much a gay-friendly town but a friendly town for everyone, with a real 'live and let live' attitude."

PORTLAND, OREGON

POPULATION: 545,132

MEDIAN HOUSEHOLD INCOME: $46,450

MEDIAN HOUSE COST: $290,000

GAY COMMUNITY CENTER: Q Center; Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center

GAY PUBLIC OFFICIALS: Sam Adams, city commissioner; Katherine Brown, state senator; Dan Ryan, school board member; Janice Wilson, judge fourth judicial district

PRO-GAY LAWS OR PUBLIC POLICIES: No discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity in housing, employment, and public accommodations

Before moving to Portland, 24-year-old female-to-male transgender activist Maceo Persson grew up "lonely' in Irvine, Calif. Now he's got a girlfriend and he's happy in the Pacific Northwest. 'The GLBT community here is very active, politically and socially, artistically and culturally," he says. "There's just more people, more money, and more attractions."

In a lot of big cities, gay neighborhoods are separate and distinct from other areas. But Portland isn't like that, says city commissioner Sam Adams. "You can live as an out gay person or couple in any of our neighborhoods and feel welcome and appreciated," he says. 'There's a higher degree of acceptance by the mainstream community here."

If there was any doubt about that, it was removed in 2004 when the city's residents cheered a decision by local officials to offer marriage licenses to gay couples. Court rulings later invalidated the licenses, but not before the Rose City served notice that gay people looking for a progressive place to live could come to Portland.

The city, just across the Columbia River from Vancouver, Wash., is surrounded by lush scenery, punctuated by Mount Hood to the east and Mount St. Helens to the north. There are good jobs and an abundance of outdoor activities, including snow skiing hiking biking, and windsurfing.

And there's that small-town feel. "One of the things I appreciate most is the amount of independent businesses, musicians, and organizations," says Persson. 'There's a big appreciation here for independence."

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA 

POPULATION: 1,296,940

MEDIAN HOUSEHOLD INCOME: $53,209

MEDIAN HOUSE COST: $498,000

GAY COMMUNITY CENTER: San Diego Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Community Center 

GAY PUBLIC OFFICIALS: Toni Atkins, city council member; Bonnie Dumanis, district attorney; Todd Gloria, Housing Commission board member; Tracy Jarman, fire chief; Christine Kehoe, state senator; David Rubin, superior court judge

PRO-GAY LAWS OR PUBLIC POLICIES: No discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity in housing employment, and public accommodations; statewide nondiscrimination in housing employment, and education; statewide domestic-partnership law

"I was running on the beach on Coronado Island and I saw three military men in camo boxers jigging," says San Diego resident Jimmy Sullivan. "I thought, It just doesn't get any better."

Sullivan's love of hot military men isn't all that brought him back to a life in San Diego after a brief move to San Francisco with his partner, David Fox, 42. '"You're living in a climate that is paradise," the 35-year-old architectural designer says. "And one of the things that's good about living in a city that's a pinch more conservative is that it's very clean. There's very little crime."

San Diego has a reputation for conservativism. But it's "money conservative," says Sullivan. "This is where rich conservatives go, not religious conservatives." And it's "military conservative," with large Marine and naval bases nearby. But that doesn't mean there aren't a lot of gays. Hillcrest is a vibrant and predominantly gay area resembling West Hollywood or San Francisco's Castro area. "You see gay pride flags everywhere," says Sullivan. "It's not just Hillcrest. It's the surrounding areas too."

The job market is strong. And for people who like the outdoors, San Diego is an amazing place, says Tim Mulligan, 39, an attorney raising two children with his partner, Sean Murphy. "The hiking around here is amazing. There are beautiful parks and beaches. It's fitness-minded and health-minded," he says.

Only a few places, such as San Francisco, have higher housing costs, but unlike in the City by the Bay, 'there's not that much traffic," says Mulligan. "Everything here is laid-back."

SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO 

POPULATION: 67,553

MEDIAN HOUSEHOLD INCOME: $46,429

MEDIAN HOUSE COST: $307,900

GAY COMMUNITY CENTER: No center, but there's the RainbowVision Santa Fe retirement community

GAY LAWMAKERS: Patti Bushee, city council member; Lisa Schultz, third district court judge ; Linda Siegle, Santa Fe Community College board of trustees member

PRO-GAY LAWS OR PUBLIC POLICIES: Statewide nondiscrimination in housing employment credit, and public accommodations; covers sexual orientation and gender identity

When Robert Frost, 58, and his partner of 15 years, Ralph Bolton, 67, first opened the Inn of the Turquoise Bear, a bed-and-breakfast in a historic adobe house once owned by gay poet Witter Bynner, they wanted it to be exclusively gay. "But it didn't work out that way," says Frost. "Diversity rules in this town."

In fact, the city has no gay bars or community center. But it does have one of the largest percentages of same-sex couples among U.S. cities. Residents of "The City Different" boast of total gay-straight integration and a tradition of diversity that stretches back hundreds of years and continues forward with a vibrant arts scene.

Truly a small town with big-city amenities, Santa Fe has stunning natural beauty, abundant outdoor activities, a charming downtown, and world-class arts and culture. "It's like the best kept secret," says Francis Phillips, who runs a mortgage business with his partner, Michael Piotti, 46.

If you're antigay in any respect in Santa Fe, "you're on the outside," says local restaurateur and gay rights activist Cliff Skoglund.

TUCSON, ARIZONA

POPULATION: 521,615

MEDIAN HOUSEHOLD INCOME; $34,493

MEDIAN HOUSE COST: $202,4000

GAY COMMUNITY CENTER: None

GAY PUBLIC OFFICIALS: Paula Aboud, state senator; Karin Uhlich, city council member

PRO-GAY LAWS OR PUBLIC POLICIES: No discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity in housing, employment, and public accommodations; domestic-partnership registry

When Jeffrey Bracket was in his 20s he thought all gay people had to live in New York City, San Francisco, or Los Angeles. "Then I finally had enough of that," says the 51-year-old elementary school teacher. "Now I want a slower pace. But I don't want to give up a lot of the things that the big cities offer." And he's not alone. "I've noticed a lot of expatriates from San Francisco and Los Angeles in Tucson," says Bracket. "It does seem to be an upcoming place for people who are done with the big-city scene but don't want to give up arts, culture, and excitement."

Another liberal college town, Tucson has become a destination for those seeking an affordable, warm climate with much natural beauty. Majestic mountains surround the Sonoran Desert, where thousands of tall Saguaro cactuses stand like sentries over the wilderness. "So many months out of the year you can be out hiking," says Bracket. "And we're only an hour from Mexico."

Tucson's employers include numerous large companies that offer domestic-partner benefits to the area's many gay residents, says Suzannah Hurja, 29, a special-education teacher who lives with her partner of 11 years, resort director Monique Vallery, 35. "Gay-friendly businesses and restaurants are popping up all the time," says Hurja. "But it's not congested, There's not a ton of traffic. It's a busy city life without the busy city part."