When I die ...WHEN I DIE ... DEATH ... THE GREAT EQUALIZER. SOME FEAR IT, OTHER PRAY FOR IT. BUT EITHER WAY, IN THE END, ITS EMBRACE WELCOMES US ALL. B-BUT I'VE GOT BINGO TOMORROW NIGHT ... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] WOW ... SORRY. OK, FIRSTLY, NO RELIGIOUS SERVICE. PLEASE. INSTEAD, JUST HAVE THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR PLAY THE SONG "FROM THE CRADLE TO THE GRAVE" BY THE SUBHUMANS The Subhumans is the name of two prominent punk rock bands:
THE CHILDREN CALL YOU BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] THERE WILL BE AN ALL-YOU-CAN EAT "BURRITO BAR" SET UP AROUND MY CASKET, BECAUSE GRIEVING grieving Mourning, see there IS HUNGRY AFFAIR. SOB [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] ANY DISCREPANCIES OVER MY MATERIAL POSESSIONS WILL BE SETTLED IN A "STEEL CAGE BATTLE ROYALE  The of this article or section may be compromised by "peacock terms".You can help Wikipedia by removing peacock terms. ". [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] WITH THIS IN MIND, I'VE DECIDED TO PRINT MY "FINAL REQUESTS" HERE, SO THAT WHEN MY TIME COMES, I CAN TRUST YOU, MY FAITHFUL LEGION OF READERS TO ENSURE THAT THEY ARE FULFILLED. I'VE PISSED AWAY MY YOUTH COMING UP WITH, FETUS fetus, term used to describe the unborn offspring in the uterus of vertebrate animals after the embryonic stage (see embryo). In humans, the fetal stage begins seven to eight weeks after fertilization of the egg, when the embryo assumes the basic shape of the newborn JOKES! YOU OWE ME! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] EVER NOTICE HOW BODIES ALWAYS LOOK REALLY PEACEFUL AND PHONY AT FUNERALS? FUCK THAT. I WANT THE MORTICIAN TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE I'M SCREAMING. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE SOME BULLSHIT bull·shit Vulgar Slang n. 1. Foolish, deceitful, or boastful language. 2. Something worthless, deceptive, or insincere. 3. Insolent talk or behavior. v. WILL, EITHER. ALL OF MY CASH WILL BE PLACED INSIDE MY TORSO DURING THE EMBALMING embalming (ĕmbä`mĭng, ĭm–), practice of preserving the body after death by artificial means. The custom was prevalent among many ancient peoples and still survives in many cultures. , AND ALL FUNERAL ATTENDEES CAN PLAY "HUMAN GRAB BAG grab bag n. 1. A container filled with articles, such as party gifts, to be drawn unseen. 2. Slang A miscellaneous collection: The meeting evolved into a grab bag of petty complaints. ". C'MON FIFTIES ... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] AND IN THE INTEREST OF KARMA, ANYONE WHO I'VE EVER OFFENDED WILL BE ALLOWED TO PUNCH MY CORPSE ONCE. HEY, I'M DEAD. WHAT DO I CARE? [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] FINALLY, SEEING AS HOW IT PROBABLY WILL HAVE FACILITATED MY DEATH TO SOME DEGREE. I WANT MY ROTTEN, BEATEN, BURRITO-STINKING CORPSE LAUNCHED VIA CATAPULT AT THE NUCLEAR POWER PLANT THAT I GREW UP IN THE SHADOW OF. LET THEM TAKE CARE OF IT. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] When in doubt, gank from a 'zine. Charlie Fogel, NJ, Sick And Tired Funnies |
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