What to say to the complete know-it-all.

Tips On How To Turn Mr. Pain-In-The-Butt Into A Friend For Life

We've all had them. They come in many forms - male and female, young and old. They not only know it all, their parents knew it all. They've had uncles and cousins who knew it all.

Don't try to explain a new instrument to them. They've been there, done that. Don't tell them what a value that new guitar or drumset is. They know the manufacturer personally. They may have been consulted before it went to market. They can buy it direct at cost, even less from a catalog, and they've heard there's a site on the Internet that's practically giving them away. They've played professionally, played as a child, have a friend who's a musician, or have a relative who gave them all the advice they need to buy an instrument.

Maybe they're parents who are renting a horn for their child. They used to play the same horn during the War. Would've played trumpet professionally except for getting shot by a wayward bullet when playing taps one day. Could've played with Miller, Dorsey, Monk, and Miles. Knew them all. Don't tell me about horns. By the way, what's that spit-valve thing for?

Then you've got the pro, or maybe semi-pro...make that wanna-be pro who's going to be a star. Digital keyboards? Heck, they not only know them backwards and forwards, but they build them, fix them, and program then on their breaks during the morning shift at McDonald's. If they can get it way-less-than-wholesale, they'll send you plenty of customers when they're seen playing it during weekend weddings and those freebie-audition nights at the local bars.

How do you handle these people? First of all, do you want to handle these people? Let's just assume for a moment that sales are really important to you, and you want to sell these people in spite of themselves. That will show them. Teach them a thing or two. Your instrument going out the door with their money in your pocket.

But how? How do you handle the know-it-alls before they just tick you off completely? First of all, Mr. Know-It-All likes to hear some particular words and phrases:

* Wow, I'm impressed.

* No kidding, really?

* I'd love to get your opinion on this.

* What would you do if you were me?

* I'd like to earn your business.

* You sure play great; you must have had a lot of lessons.

* Man, I wish I could do that.

* I'd appreciate your help on this.

* That guitar looks great on you.

* You really look like you know what you're doing behind that set of drums.

* One of our local pros plays this; is he a friend of yours?

* Can I get your advice on this?

* I'm sure any store in town would love to get your business.

* I'll work with you on this.

You get the picture. Unfortunately, we have to be nice. That's really hard when you want to give someone a slap on the side of the head. But don't lose your cool. Find out what you and your customer have in common. Emulate your customers. Get them to laugh. Be their friend. Don't use words and phrases like:

* Then go someplace else.

* That store will be broke in a month.

* Here, let me show you how good it sounds.

* If you buy it someplace else, don't look to us for service.

* You've never taken lessons, right?

* I'll give you one price, and if you want it, fine; I'm not going to haggle with you all day.

Know-it-alls don't like pressure. They can't stand it. And I'll share this with you: In spite of everything you might think, know-it-alls do buy instruments somewhere. They will pay more than wholesale, and they'll pay for anything where they think that value exceeds price, and the salesperson is their friend. It's a fact. It's usually just one of those two things that's a problem when Mr. Pain-In-The-Butt walks out of your store and buys down the street.

Dealing with Ms. and Mr. Know-It-All can be very trying. It can be tough. But if they're looking for an instrument, they're probably going to buy it somewhere. If you've got the tolerance, the tenacity, the personality, and the staying power to hang in there while they do a number on your head, you might luck out. Your competition will probably send them packing, thinking they've just scored a victory by not having to deal with them. If you shift gears, tell them what they want to hear, and make them a friend, they just might end up as a regular customer. It's up to you.

BY THE WAY: If you're not a member of AMC (The American Music Conference), now would be a good time to join. AMC is the only organization dedicated to promoting the importance of music, music making, and music education to the general public. It's a non-profit association, and if you're in the music business, you should be a part of it. Music makes you smarter. Music education helps children grow. It helps adults live longer. For every $1 invested, AMC gives back $4.31 to build credibility for music and music education nationwide. AMC is not NAMM. NAMM helps support it and helps fund it. To join, just call Pat Peige at [phone] for information and an enrollment form. AMC needs to have you as a member!

Bob Popyk is the author of Creative Selling[R], a monthly newsletter on sales and marketing strategies. His sales meetings and seminars are presented nationwide to major companies and industries. Questions and comments may be directed to him c/o Bentley-Hall, Inc., 120 Walton Street, Suite 201, Syracuse, New York 13202; the telephone number is [phone].