What makes a mom: for six years, Mian Carvin was "Mama" to the daughter she and her partner brought into the world. When the couple split, Carvin was cut off. Is she still a mother?

When Page Britain gave birth to baby in 1995 by cesarean section, her longtime partner, Mian Carvin, was by her side. She was the first to cradle the girl in her arms. She welcomed the child into the world by singing the lyrics to the Beatles' "Blackbird." Before long the child, whose name is being withheld to protect her privacy, was calling Carvin "Mama." Mother and daughter bonded over trips to swimming and soccer lessons.

But now, eight years later, Carvin faces the prospect of never seeing her beloved daughter again. After she anti Britain separated in 2001, Carvin moved out of their Seattle home. Several months later, Britain first limited and then cut off Carvin's visits with the girl, claiming that as the birth mother who conceived the child through artificial insemination, she alone had parenting rights. Carvin has not laid eyes on the girl since her 7th birthday, 18 months ago.

"There is no doubt that I'm our daughter's mother," Carvin, 46, tells The Advocate. "Page mad I decided to have a child together. I was there when she was conceived, I was there when she was bona, and I was there for her as she grew up. We have an incredible bond that goes way beyond blood."

While few would disagree with Carvin's maternal claim, her legal rights are far more uncertain. Earlier this year King County, Wash., superior court judge Michael Trickey acknowledged that the couple had shared child-rearing duties but ruled that state law did not recognize nonbiological parental rights. In October, Carvin, who is represented by the Northwestern Women's Law Center, asked a state appeals court to grant her shared custody or at least parental visitation rights--either of which would establish legal precedent in the state. A decision is not expected until next year.

Across the nation, the legal situation for nonbiological parents is little better, adding urgency to the battle for same-sex marriage at a time when the "gayby boom" is reaching its zenith. Only a handful of states-including Vermont, California, and Rhode Island--have statutes that would recognize Carvin as a full legal parent. Only two states, Delaware and Texas, have adopted aspects of the new Uniform Parentage Act, a group of model laws designed to standardize statues relating to adoption, surrogacy, artificial insemination, and stone-sex parenting, among other reforms.

"This is our single largest litigation area," says Shannon Minter, legal director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, a San Francisco-based legal advocacy group. "More and more same-sex couples are finding it possible to have children, so of course there are more opportunities for people to separate and have disputes over kids. At first it was mostly lesbian couples, but we're seeing a growing number of cases involving gay men. Since so many states don't recognize same-sex couples it's becoming a huge problem for everyone involved. Certainly it is not in rite best interest of slates to have a lot or cases like this clogging up the court system."

The lack of recognition of same-sex parents in state law can tempt some parents, in the heat of an emotionally charged custody battle, to exploit loopholes. "Actually, it's much more than a loophole: It's a gaping hole in the law," Minter says. "People who are upset can easily fall prey to the temptation to abuse the antigay bias of the legal system. I can never understand how people live with themselves in that situation. It may be permissible under the law, but that does not make it right. Certainly in the vast majority of cases, couples are able to reach an agreement without resorting to courts."

Gayle Brenchley, Britain's attorney, acknowledges as much. "I'm a lesbian, my client is a lesbian, and I'm in favor of lesbian rights," she explains. "But this is not a lesbian case. Under this state's law, Mian had the right to adopt Britain's daughter while Britain was willing to give her consent to the adoption. Mian didn't do that, and now my client is no longer willing to give her consent for reasons I'm not going to go into. Mian is trying to infringe upon my client's legal rights."

As a veteran divorce lawyer, Brenchley insists concepts of law and justice are not always the same thing. "Is this situation fair?" she says. "I can't talk about fairness. I can't really say that's the purpose of the law. We don't live in a perfect world."

Britain married her daughter's sperm donor, who is openly gay, shortly after Carvin filed her petition for visitation rights. Britain declined to be interviewed for this story, but Brenchley says tire two "felt marriage would be in the best interest of the child. Sure, it's a little unusual. But I think they wanted to formalize a family relationship. They had been living together for a while."

When Carvin met Britain in 1989, she imagined a very different future. The two women immediately began dreaming of raising at least one child together, deciding that Britain would carry the child because she is six years younger than Carvin. They agreed on a sperm donor, a mutual friend who worked with Carvin.

"I remember how much fun Page was," Carvin says. "We spent so much time just laughing and enjoying each other's company. We dreamed of raising kids together someday. But it is no longer about us. It's about our daughter and the fact that she needs both of her morns. At this point that's all I care about."