What does a child need?

1. Unconditional love from all significant adults. This is the gift that keeps on giving, forever and ever, and into the next generations. A child with a foundation of certainty that s/he is lovable will be healthier and happier. Even if a particular thing a child does is unacceptable, let the child know that you love who s/he is. Period. Express your love daily with verbal and physical hugs.

2. Role models. Show your child how grownups love each other, kiss and make up, apologize, express feelings, keep promises, act thoughtfully, cuddle.

3. Quality time and quantity time. There is no substitute for your time. No amount of money, or schooling, or possessions can take the place of your attention. Children need to be seen and heard, and they need their beloved grownups to hang out with them. Childhood is temporary, and irreplaceable. Ask any grandparent.

4. Trust. The ultimate goal is to raise children who are competent and confident. Our job is to offer children opportunities to do things for themselves. When we trust children to figure out how to solve their own problems, we are showing them that we believe in them. Respect them, and expect them to respect you.

5. Boundaries. From toddlers to teen explorers, children need to know where the boundaries are. If they can't find the boundaries, they'll keep pushing until they bump up against them. They are grateful (deep down inside) when we are clear and matter-of-fact about what's acceptable and what's not. But choose your "battles" wisely, based on what is really important. Discuss rules and boundaries with your partner, so you're playing on the same team. Support your partner's snap decisions (you can discuss them later, privately).

6. Good nutrition. From conception to leaving the nest, we can provide our children with nutrients that build strong bodies. They learn about nutrition from us, so we have to set a good example! Find a healthy balance of proteins, vegetables, whole grains, and occasional treats. Left to their own devices, children will not necessarily choose healthy foods!

7. Fitness and outdoorsiness. Turn off the television. Invest in good shoes, boots, snow gear, raincoats, bathing suits, hats, and sunscreen. Children who are intimate with nature will grow up with a passion for protecting it. They'll mature gracefully and robustly. Sports can anchor them through life's storms.

8. Reading aloud. After you've come in from the great outdoors, pull out a good book. Little children thrive on hearing the same books over and over. Older children who already know how to read still benefit from being read to. It's a cozy time together, and you can help them to interpret more complex literature.

9. Art. Music, drama, dress-up, dancing, storytelling, paint, clay, sand, mud....

10. Humor. What cracked you up when you were a kid? What makes your child laugh? Have a great time. Children bring out the best in us grownups.