What are the essentials of the Christian marriage service?

From a pastor's perspective, it sometimes seems as though the marriage service is merely one in a series of wedding activities for a couple, which includes the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding reception, and the honeymoon. With all of the planning and effort that goes into these things, ministers may wonder how focused couples are (or can be) on the service, which, in itself, distinguishes Christian marriage.

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Obviously, then, teaching couples about the Christian understanding of marriage and about the service needs to be very intentional. But couples probably do not have the time or attention for a full course on the history and theological interpretation of the Christian marriage service. Therefore, premarital catechesis ought to focus on identifying and expounding the essential elements of the service--just as any good sermon tries to make one or two main points, not to be a full exegetical lecture on the pericope. This article will (1) show why the consent/vow, exchange of rings, nuptial blessing, and liturgies of word and meal are the essentials of the Christian marriage service, and (2) explore the pastoral implications of this understanding and how current worship books do or do not facilitate this understanding.

The ritual "deep structure" of human intention and divine blessing

Part of the reason that the consent/vow and the nuptial blessing are essentials of the marriage service is that together they express what liturgists and anthropologists call the "deep structure" of a rite.

The first reality of this deep structure is human intention. As we all know, life involves various crises or challenges, such as childbirth, adolescence, marriage, and death. In each case, we must undergo a transition: from a couple to a family of three (childbirth), from child to adult (adolescence), from single to married, from living with a person to bereavement (death). Because these transitions engender both pain and anxiety and can potentially overwhelm us, they require nothing short of a spiritual death and resurrection.

Rituals give us the words to say and the actions to perform that ease us through these transitions. Or, put another way, rituals help us to envision what we want to be (or should be) on the other side of the transition by enabling us to express our intentions about the future. Rites of Christian initiation include such statements of intention. The baptismal candidate in some churches is asked what he/she seeks by coming to the church for baptism: "What do you ask of God's church?" (Answer: "To hear God's word with you.") "What do you seek from God's Word?" (Answer: "Faith and fullness of life.") (1) In a sense, the questions to parents and sponsors of infant baptismal candidates is a statement of intentions about the future. (2) Likewise in affirmation-of-baptism rites (including the rite of confirmation) the candidate is asked about his/her intention to live out the implications of baptism:

You have made public profession of your faith. Do you intend to continue
in the covenant God made with you in Holy Baptism: to live among God's
faithful people, to hear his word and share his supper, to proclaim the
good news of God in Christ through word and deed, to serve all people,
following the example of our Lord Jesus, and to strive for justice and
peace in all the earth? (3)

A statement of intention is followed by some expression of divine blessing, the second reality of the deep structure, in which we ask God to bestow certain benefits on those making a significant life transition. (4) As fallen beings we often fail to realize the best of our intentions and cannot rely on them alone in times of transition. Therefore, we ask God's blessing, for without the assurance of such, our anxiety will only continue and even increase. What this need translates into ritually is prayers that ask God to help us fulfil our stated intentions. So, for example, a rite for infant baptism might include a prayer that asks God to strengthen the parents in their work of nurturing their child(ren) in the Christian faith:

O God, the giver of all life, look with kindness upon the fathers and
mothers of these children. Let them ever rejoice in the gift that you
have given them. Make them teachers and examples of righteousness for
their children. Strengthen them in their own baptism so they may share
eternally with their children the salvation you have given them, through
Jesus Christ our Lord. (5)

Following the statement of intentions in the LBW rite of Affirmation of Baptism, the minister then prays for the strengthening of the Holy Spirit:

Gracious Lord, through water and the Spirit, you have made these men and
women your own. You forgave them all their sins and brought them to
newness of life. Continue to strengthen them with the Holy Spirit, and
daily increase in them your gifts of grace: the spirit of wisdom and
understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge
and the fear of the Lord, the spirit of joy in your presence; through
Jesus Christ our Lord. (6)

In the case of confirmation, there is a special prayer that seeks the Holy Spirit's strengthening of the confirmand for his/her participation in the mission of the church:

Father in heaven, for Jesus' sake, stir up in [name] the gift of your
Holy Spirit; confirm his/her faith, guide his/her life, empower him/her
in his/her serving, give him/her patience in suffering, and bring
him/her to everlasting life. (7)

This ritual pattern of human intention/divine blessing does not necessarily imply a works-righteous cooperation between the human will and divine grace. To the contrary, the expression of our intentions is itself dependent on divine grace. In the case of Christian initiation, God's initiative precedes the human intention because the word of God has awakened faith in the person seeking baptism. In the case of confirmation (affirmation of baptism), the post-baptismal Christian formation that includes instruction in the word and reception of Holy Communion leads to a deeper knowledge and experience of divine grace that in turn motivates the confirmand to publicly affirm his/her baptism and accept personal responsibility for the church's mission. Ultimately, rather than obscuring divine grace, the deep structure of human intention/divine blessing witnesses to it. For Christians, those ritual aspects that express this deep structure can be considered the essentials of the rite because they reveal both our neediness in times of transition and God's loving grace for us in these times.

Human intention and divine blessing in the Christian marriage service

Let us now consider how this deep structure comes to expression in the service of Christian marriage. Traditionally, human intentionality has been expressed in two places, the consent and the vow. In the Episcopal Church's Book of Common Prayer (BCP) the former is referred to as the "declaration of consent":

N., will you have this man/woman to be your husband/wife, to live
together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him/her, comfort
him/her, honor and keep him/her, in sickness and in health, and
forsaking all others, be faithful to him/her as long as you both shall
live? (8)

The Roman Catholic rite has the following analogous questions:

N. and N., have you come here freely and without reservation to give
yourselves to each other in marriage? Will you love and honor each other
as man and wife for the rest of your lives? Will you accept children
lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and
his Church? (9)

Because the declaration of consent and the vows that follow are not easily distinguishable and seem to constitute a duplication, LBW does not have a form for the giving of consent. Instead, LBW incorporates the idea of consent into the introduction to the vows:

N. and N., if it is your intention to share with each other your joys
and sorrows and all that the years will bring, with your promises bind
yourselves to each other as husband and wife. (10)

As Philip Pfatteicher points out, this statement "preserves the long-standing insistence of the church that the vows be exchanged freely without constraint and also makes clear that marriage is the covenant of fidelity which the man and the woman make with each other by their vows." (11)

Human intentionality is also expressed in the vow. In LBW the vow is: "I take you N. to be my wife/husband from this day forward, to join with you and share all that is to come, and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us." (12) A more traditional form of the vow is in BCP: "In the name of God, I, N., take you, N., to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow." (13) Arguably, BCP better expresses the commitment to love as well as the unconditional character of the covenant, i.e., that the person will be faithful to and love the other regardless of the circumstances encountered in their life together.

The exchange of rings is a visible expression of the vow and is therefore one of the essentials of the service. In BCP, the blessing and exchange formulae express the connection between the rings and the vow:

Bless, O Lord, this ring to be a sign of the vows by which this man and
this woman have bound themselves to each other; through Jesus Christ our
Lord.

N., I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am,
and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of the Father, and of the
Son, and of the Holy Spirit. (14)

Also, the ring, as a visible object, is a sign that the mutual love of husband and wife needs to be made visible. In other words, it is a reminder that in marriage both commit themselves to building a new life together, something that requires actions, gestures, and spoken words, not merely feelings. The ring is not merely a sign of mutual claims on each other!

The ritual elements in the marriage service that express human intention can be considered essential for a number of reasons. First, the promises made in the consent and vows are the basis for the mutual trust that will hold the relationship together. The couple can have a new life together because each is accountable for fulfilling his/her promises. Without these mutual pledges of fidelity, there could not be a Christian marriage. Second, the statements of intention and vows give us a vision of what the married life should look like: faithfulness and love for the other, regard-less of the circumstances, i.e., unconditional love. Third, these expressions of intention make marriage part of one's Christian vocation. By promising certain things before God and the church, husband and wife show their intention to live out the meaning of their baptisms within the marital relationship, that is, die to sin (selfishness, control over the other) and rise to new life (selflessness, mutual sharing with the other). Thus, expressions of human intention (especially the vows) are essential because they place the marital relationship under the purview of the paschal mystery of Christ, which is the central reality of the church's life and the reason for its mission in the world.

The other essential part of the marriage service is the invocation of divine blessing. In LBW the blessing consists of:

The Lord God, who created our first parents and established them in
marriage, establish and sustain you, that you may delight in each other
and grow in holy love until your life's end. (15)

More substantial blessings are contained in the Episcopal and Roman Catholic rites. The former has the following two options:

Most gracious God, we give you thanks for your tender love in sending
Jesus Christ to come among us, to be born of a human mother, and to make
the way of the cross to be the way of life. We thank you also for
consecrating the union of man and woman in his Name. By the power of
your Holy Spirit, pour out the abundance of your blessing upon this man
and this woman. Defend them from every enemy. Lead them into all peace.
Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts, a mantle
about their shoulders, and a crown upon their foreheads. Bless them in
their work and in their companionship; in their sleeping and in their
waking; in their joys and in their sorrows; in their life and in their
death. Finally, in your mercy, bring them to that table where your
saints feast for ever in your heavenly home; through Jesus Christ our
Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit, lives and reigns, one God, for
ever and ever.

O God, you have so consecrated the covenant of marriage that in it is
represented the spiritual unity between Christ and his church: Send
therefore your blessings upon these your servants, that they may so
love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in
wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing
and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you
and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. (16)

The Roman Catholic Rite has the following blessing:

Father, by your power you have made everything out of nothing. In the
beginning you created the universe and made mankind in your own
likeness. You gave man the constant help of woman so that man and woman
should no longer be two, but one flesh, and you teach us that what you
have united may never be divided.

Or:

Father, you have made the union of man and wife so holy a mystery that
it symbolizes the marriage of Christ and his Church.

Or:

Father, by your plan man and woman are united, and married life has been
established as the one blessing that was not forfeited by original sin
or washed away in the flood.
  Look with favor upon this woman, your daughter, now joined to her
husband in marriage. She asks your blessing. Give her the grace of love
and peace. May she always follow the example of holy women whose praises
are sung in the scriptures.
  May her husband put his trust in her and recognize that she is his
equal and the heir with him to the life of grace. May he always honor
her and love her as Christ loves his bride, the Church.
  Father, keep them always true to your commandments. Keep them faithful
in marriage and let them be living examples of Christian life. Give them
the strength which comes from the gospel so that they may be witnesses
of Christ to others.
  (Bless them with children and help them to be good parents. May they
live to see their children's children.) And, after a happy old age,
grant them fullness of life with the saints in the kingdom of heaven.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. (17)

(In this blessing, two of the first three paragraphs may be omitted, keeping only the paragraph that corresponds to the chosen reading in the liturgy of the word.)

What is especially commendable about the Roman Catholic blessing, as well as the second Episcopal blessing, is that God is asked to help the couple be faithful to their marriage vows. This need for such help, after all, would seem to be the main reason for seeking divine blessing in the first place! Thus, unlike LBW, the Episcopal and Roman Catholic rites explicitly provide the theological link between human intention and divine blessing by indicating that the latter is sought in order to undergird the former.

Besides the fact that human intention must be bolstered by divine help, there is another reason why the expression of divine blessing is an essential of the marriage service. Simply put, divine blessing is what makes the marriage service Christian! As Christians, we naturally seek God's blessing at critical transition times in our lives, and we trust that such blessing will be forthcoming (cf. Matt 7:7-8). If there is no faith in the God who raised Jesus, there is really no reason for celebrating a Christian marriage service in which this God's blessing is sought. Why ask for what you do not believe will be given? Unbaptized, unchurched persons who merely want the church building as a picturesque backdrop for their weddings should be referred to the local magistrate or justice of the peace for a civil marriage ceremony.

In sum, the rite of marriage brings together two things: human intention to live faithfully in a covenant relationship and God's blessing on that intention. But actually, when these two things come together, a third thing is created: a new relationship that reflects Christ's love for his bride, the church (Eph 5:25ff.). The marital relationship becomes a living icon of the love of God revealed in Jesus Christ. By the grace of God, a marriage can become an evangelical witness that inspires and sustains the faith of the whole church.

The centrality of Word and Table in the marriage service

Although the Lutheran, Episcopal, and Roman Catholic rites do not require three readings, all rites at least provide for the possibility of a full service of readings and homily. (18) Significantly, the lessons reveal that the human intention to live the married life is grounded in the created order (cf. Gen 1:26-31 and 2:18-24). The desire for marriage and the family was built into the human psyche by God and is therefore a divinely ordained (Gen 2:24; Matt 19:4-6) means that bringing before God our intention to live in the marriage covenant and asking God's blessing is a response to God's grace. Also, the lessons show that the marriage blessing is not simply the church's wishful thinking but is a ritual action flowing out of God's own blessing of the union of man and woman (Gen 1:28). Additionally, Ephesians 5 reminds us that marriage can become a means of evangelical witness, since the self-giving love of husband and wife reflects the love of Christ for the church. Because the lessons reveal the deep significance of human intention and divine blessing as it relates to marriage, a significant liturgy of the word (more than just a few Bible verses and a two-minute homily) is needed to fully proclaim the scriptural truths about marriage.

Although it may not be the norm, the celebration of the Lord's Supper is a highly desirable part of the marriage service, and for liturgical and pastoral reasons it should be part of every marriage service. (19) We have asked God to bless the couple so that they grow together in unity and their life together reflects Christ's own unity with the church. It makes sense, then, for the marriage rite to include the sacrament wherein this unity is most fully realized, the Lord's Supper. The service of Christian marriage is a time for the couple to receive the assurance of God's love that will strengthen them for all of the challenges that lie ahead. Because it provides a tangible expression of God's love in Jesus Christ, the Lord's Supper is highly desirable for the bride and groom and all who will support them in their life together. One can only hope that Protestant churches will become more committed to the sacramental life in general and to making the Lord's Supper a normal part of the marriage service in particular. One might also hope that the ecclesiastical-political reasons why the Lord's Supper cannot be normative in Roman Catholic services involving Protestants will someday be overcome.

Practical implications and possibilities

Given our understanding about the essential elements of the Christian marriage service, a certain amount of care and attention needs to be paid to the following aspects:

1. The vows. Many couples request the opportunity to compose their own vows. Such an exercise has the advantage of challenging them to consider the theological and personal significance of marriage. Yet, because marriage in North American culture tends to be based on romantic love, self-composed vows may overemphasize the emotions associated with romantic love. If a pastor deems it appropriate to allow a couple to compose their own vows, he or she should discourage expressions of sentimental, romanticized emotionality and encourage the inclusion of the themes of lifelong fidelity, unconditionality, and self-denial.

2. Secondary ceremonies. Increasingly, secondary things such as special songs, poetry readings, and the "unity candle" rite are cluttering marriage services, making it more difficult to discern the centrality of the vow, rings, blessing, readings, and meal. Unfortunately, many of these secondary things tend to focus on us and our feelings rather than on God. Things human are exalted at the expense of divine grace.

The so-called unity candle in particular needs some critical rethinking. Perhaps the mutual action of lighting a candle points to the mutual life together. But what about the light itself? Nowhere in scripture is light associated with the meaning of marriage, especially the unity aspect. (20) Because a meal both symbolizes and enacts unity, and because Revelation mentions the "marriage supper of the Lamb" (19:6-10), a more biblical and theologically sound unity rite would be the Lord's Supper. Notably, the church has a long tradition of celebrating a nuptial mass.

3. The blessing. As noted above, some worship books have only a minimal blessing, which is unfortunate given that the nuptial blessing has traditionally been an important part of the service of Christian marriage. (21) Pastors can find more appropriate and substantive blessings in either the Roman Catholic rite or the BCP. If pastors compose new blessings, ideally these would be more than a wish for health and happiness; they would be prayers for God to sustain the couple in marital fidelity and to help husband and wife to imitate Christ's selfless love in their marriage.

4. Service book layout. The central elements of the marriage service are more obvious in worship books that use boldfaced headings identifying the major portions of the rite. This is done especially well in BCP, with its bold headings: Declaration of Consent; (22) The Ministry of the Word; The Marriage (vows and exchange of rings); The Blessing of the Marriage. Because they name the central elements, these headings make it easier to teach a couple (and others) what the essentials of the service are and to explain their significance. Worship books that lack such headings (e.g., LBW) make the catechetical task harder because they give the impression that the service is one long undifferentiated succession of rituals. Those who are currently drafting new rites for ELCA congregations would do well to consider the design of the BCP marriage service as well as the Roman Catholic and Methodist services.

5. The location of the service. Many volumes could be written describing all of the locations where couples have celebrated marriage services: on a beach at sunrise, skydiving, on horseback, on motorcycles. Certainly, God's blessing can be invoked and prayers offered anywhere. However, many of the unconventional locations and circumstances sought for the celebration of marriage tend to privatize the service by making the presence of a Christian assembly impossible or impractical. This is unfortunate, because a Christian marriage demands the presence and participation of a Christian assembly. The church wants to pray for those who seek God's blessing upon their intention to live the married life.

Although these prayers can be offered sometime after the celebration of the marriage service and without the couple being physically present, the couple needs to see the faces of those who pray for them in order to readily perceive their support. The congregation needs to see the faces of the man and woman whose marriage their prayers support, especially if the couple holds membership in the congregation. This mutual support is impossible when the marriage service is celebrated privately.

It should also be noted that the celebration of a marriage before a gathered assembly supports the ongoing theological formation of that assembly. The service reminds all married couples of their own vows of lifelong fidelity. All Christians are reminded that marriage and the family are gifts from God and that Christ loves the church as his own bride. For all of these reasons, pastors will preside at marriages in locations that allow the presence of a congregation. Doing so will instill the proper understanding that Christian marriage is an act of worship by God's people rather than a private rite.

Conclusion

To say that certain things within the marriage service are central is not to suggest that these things are the bare minimum for a valid rite. Nor is it to suggest that other things are unimportant, such that they can be left to a pastor's whims or taste. Rather, the point here has been that the consent/vow, rings, blessing, word, and table are the crucial parts of the marriage rite and, as such, they should be done thoughtfully and carefully. They should not be obscured by secondary elements nor diminished in any way. Let them be central so that the truth about marriage and God's blessing of it can be clearly proclaimed.

1. Welcome to Christ: Lutheran Rites for the Catechumenate (Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress, 1997), 9.

2. See Lutheran Book of Worship: Ministers Edition (Minneapolis: Augsburg; Philadelphia: Board of Publication, Lutheran Church in America, 1978), 308 (henceforth LBW); Book of Common Prayer (New York: Seabury, 1979), 302 (henceforth BCP); and Rites of the Catholic Church, Volume I (Collegeville: Liturgical Press, 1990), 377.

3. LBW, 326.

4. Cf. Gen 27:27-29.

5. LBW, 312.

6. LBW, 327.

7. LBW, 327.

8. BCP, 424.

9. Rites of the Catholic Church, 726.

10. LBW, 328. It should be pointed out that the declaration of consent was originally part of the betrothal rites, which occurred at the time of the engagement. Hence, the consent was intended as a statement of the intention to marry in the future.

11. Philip Pfatteicher, Commentary on the Lutheran Book of Worship: Lutheran Liturgy in its Ecumenical Context (Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress, 1990), 466.

12. LBW, 329.

13. BCP, 427.

14. BCP, 427.

15. LBW, 329.

16. BCP, 430-31.

17. Rites of the Catholic Church, 730-31.

18. LBW, 190; BCP, 426; Rites of the Catholic Church, 746-49.

19. Marriage services in the Roman Catholic Church involving a non-Catholic baptized person will not include the Lord's Supper, since he or she would not be permitted to receive the sacrament. See Rites of the Catholic Church, 721 (#8).

20. Regarding Matt 25:1-13, it should be noted that the bridegroom's procession did not always occur at night, which means that lights (torches, lamps, etc.) cannot necessarily be associated with marriage. In the New Testament, light represents the visible living out of the Christian life (cf. Matt 5:16), living in the truth of Christ (John), or baptismal conversion (cf. Heb 6:4).

21. See Kenneth W. Stevenson, To Join Together: The Rite of Marriage (New York: Pueblo, 1987).

22. Actually, this heading is in a smaller font than the other headings mentioned here. This would seem to indicate that the declaration of consent is somewhat secondary in importance, especially in relationship to the vow.

Jeffrey A. Truscott

Instructor in Liturgics

Japan Lutheran College and Theological Seminary, Tokyo

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