What's the difference?

Children with special needs, children with disabilities, differently abled children: How many neutral-ish phrases have we concocted to describe those kids of ours who are different from all those other kids of ours? And in what way are they different? Are they not capable of love and hope? Are we not capable of loving and hoping with them? All our neologistic shortcuts don't really say.

When you're just becoming a parent, it is usually pretty far along your anxiety horizon before you get to that place where you find a particular worry about your child's "difference." Why would you ever suspect that your beautiful baby, your toddler, your little boy or girl might not be absolutely perfect, just like all the other kids?

For a select group of parents, however, that anxiety begins to edge closer over the first years of their child's life as an aching realization waits in grim patience to be acknowledged. As a poorly understood epidemic of autism marches through America's families--now about 1 in 150 children are diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder--the parents of these children are forced into tough decisions and bureaucratic catch-22s few of us can imagine from the outside.

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Our culture is being slowly coaxed by these determined parents into making room for these kids in our schools and public places and within the small-print proscriptions of our health plans. Has our church done any better? In "Tough love" (pages 27-31), Kristin Peterson explores that question. Her unromanticized report of the concerns and challenges of families with autistic, Down syndrome, and developmentally different children is part of this month's special issue on the family.

While Peterson looks at some of the obstacles to parish participation experienced by some of our families, in this month's cover story Senior Editor Catherine O'Connell-Cahill offers some good-natured advice on passing on the faith to all Catholic families ("Show and tell: Six ways to teach your children the faith," pages 12-16). Cathy's firsthand experience as a Catholic mom enlivens her report, but she can thank her years of service as editor of At Home with Our Faith (homefaith.com), a wise and witty guide for Catholic family spirituality, for at least a part of her expertise.

Our family-friendly coverage continues with an interview with Sean Reynolds of the Archdiocese of Cincinnati's Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry ("Parental guidance suggested," pages 22-26). He sounds an alarm about how well our teens know their faith.

Finally Linda Zwicky finds clowns, ponies, cake, and scandal at the over-the-top evolution of children's birthdays from family moments to momentous displays of affluence ("Let them just eat cake," pages 17-21). She's joined by U.S. CATHOLIC readers who share their own birthday wishes.