What's No.1 this week..?
WHO knows? Who cares? The national obsession with the current No.1 died with Top Of The Pops. From 1964 to 2006, the change at No.1 was as important to the British as a change in the weather. Now it only comes up - like a TOTP special - at Christmas.
Yet rumours abound that Simon Cowell is thinking about bringing back the brand. Why not? Because everyone would complain that it wasn't as wonderful as in the old days.
So TOTP remains lost in its eternal slumber, not really dead but merely resting, waiting until it hears the call of a desperate nation before it comes again.
A bit like King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. But with stranger haircuts.