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Wednesday's football transfer rumours: Gourcuff to Liverpool?

Bad news cheap titillation fans: according to according to
prep.
1. As stated or indicated by; on the authority of: according to historians.

2. In keeping with: according to instructions.

3.
 Rio Ferdinand Rio Gavin Ferdinand (born November 7, 1978 in Peckham, London) is an English footballer of mixed St Lucian and Anglo-Irish descent. He plays at centre-back for Manchester United in the FA Premier League and at the international level for the England national football team.  the days of the Wag are over and England are all about business now that Fabio Capello is around to look at people a bit sternly. So if it's slightly blurry pictures of Wayne Bridge's girlfriend bending over on the beach or a story about how Alex Curran once thought a girl in her class had a nice dress [Headline: STEVIE G'S WIFE: MY LESBIAN SCHOOLGIRL SECRET] you're after, you'll have to wander far from the sport pages. All the way to the showbiz pages. Or the front pages. Or the TV pages. Or the personal finance pages.

Anyway, we never went in for that kind of nonsense round here anyway. Former Hollyoaks star and professional muck magnet Gemma Atkinson will be wearing her bikini around Norfolk when her boyfriend Marcus Bent leaves Birmingham for Norwich. Although, he might not be going out with her anymore, it doesn't matter – the point is it gives us an excuse to put a vaguely arousing link in to this story.

Milan's Yoann Gourcuff, the world's hunkiest player – as nominated by none other than the Guardian's Barney Ronay (he's married before you get excited, fellas) – is off to Liverpool in exchange for Daniel Agger.

Not to be out outdone out·do  
tr.v. out·did , out·done , out·do·ing, out·does
To do more or better than in performance or action. See Synonyms at excel.
, Sir Alex Ferguson wants a prodigy of his own and is mulling over a move for 17-year-old Partizan Belgrade midfielder Adem "Little Kaka ka·ka  
n.
A brownish-green New Zealand parrot (Nestor meridionalis).



[Maori kk
" Ljajic, so called because he can do 93 keepy-uppys and knows that the capital of Brazil is Brasilia and not Rio de Janeiro Rio de Janeiro, city, Brazil
Rio de Janeiro (rē`ō də zhänā`rō, Port. rē` thĭ zhənĕē`r
.

Paul Ince will have to satisfy himself with Arsenal's 15-year-old striker Jason "The New Pato" Banton, so called because of his recent Grammy nomination for best reggae album.

QPR QPR Queens Park Rangers (football club)
QPR Quarterly Progress Report
QPR Quadrature Partial Response
QPR Quarterly Performance Review
QPR Question, Persuade, Refer (suicide prevention program) 
 fans
can keep fuel bills down this winter by warming themselves in front of the toasty toast·y  
adj. toast·i·er, toast·i·est
Pleasantly warm.
 glow of Terry Venables' permatanned face, if Iain Dowie doesn't fix up and look sharp soon.

The problem with Kevin Doyle is that he looks far too sharp for the Championship and will be on his way to Aston Villa before you can say "£7m in the transfer window", provided you say it very slowly. Villa will raise a bit of money by selling Marlon Harewood to Stoke for £3.5m.

Disturbing news in Wigan Wigan (wĭg`ən), city (1991 pop. 88,725) and metropolitan district, N England, located in the Manchester metropolitan area on the Douglas River. , where Steve Bruce and Paul Scharner's relationship looks like it's on the rocks. "I'm not getting on well with Steve," sobs Scharner in today's Sun, as the girls came round to cheer him up with a box of choccies and a soppy sop·py  
adj. sop·pi·er, sop·pi·est
1. Soaked; sopping.

2. Rainy.

3. Sentimental; maudlin. See Synonyms at sentimental.
 DVD DVD: see digital versatile disc.
DVD
 in full digital video disc or digital versatile disc

Type of optical disc. The DVD represents the second generation of compact-disc (CD) technology.
. "He seems to resent me."

And in other news: West Brom want Zak Whitbread so bad they'll pay £1m to have him; the entire populations of Birmingham, Coventry and Fulham are hiding in a bush outside Leicester striker Lloyd Dyer's house with £800,000 in cash; and Nigel Quashie is moving on loan to the Rumour Mill comments section.

Feel free to add your own better rumours below. Or just skip this bit entirely
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Author:guardian.co.uk
Publication:guardian.co.uk
Date:Oct 15, 2008
Words:503
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