We love telly; PICK OF THE DAY.
TAGGART 9PM ITV1
TAGGART goes a bit The Wire, with the latest dead body being done in by a nail gun.
Tonight's episode opens with the grim torture of the victim in an abandoned warehouse (think Reservoir Dogs, minus the ear slicing). DCI Matt Burke and Jackie Reid (Alex Norton and Blythe Duff) quickly identify the victim as Scott Clarkson, a newly qualified junior doctor.
They're at a loss to explain why anyone would want him dead, until they discover he's been manufacturing and selling ecstasy to pay off his student loan.
The crime is linked to a similar murder in London and one of Burke's former colleagues, DI Casey (former Corrie star Reece Dinsdale), pops up from down south to compare notes.
Robbie Ross soon decides that Casey is a "cocky b******" - a case of the pot calling the kettle black, if ever we've heard one.
But Casey is absolutely nothing compared to his arrogant little git of a sidekick, DS Morretti.
He's played by Steve John Shepherd last seen as Alfie Moon's cousin, Michael, in EastEnders who is, of course, the father of Kat's controversial baby.
Here, he's a man who deserves a slap, if only for his haircut. Worse still, it becomes apparent he and Casey aren't being open about the info they have and the probe turns into a "them and us" competition. With the body count rising, can the teams stop their pointless contest long enough to solve the case?
WE LOVE DRAMA
HOLBY CITY BBC1, 8PM
FOR once, most of the dramas in Holby this week are medical and that means more of those irascible patients who come to hospital but seem intent on refusing treatment.
But as well as patients, the staff are also having to examine their own priorities.
Joseph Byrne, who begged Faye to leave baby Henry with him, now wants to go part time and is flummoxed when Hanssen offers him Connie's old consultancy job.
You'll recall that (give or take the odd tumble down stairs) Connie juggled looking after her daughter Grace with the demands of being director of surgery. And he could get tips from Chrissie or Donna, who bring up children single handed.
But is fatherhood more important to Joseph than ambition? Meanwhile, Frieda Petrenko is facing redundancy and we would be gutted if she left. Her friendly scowl is one of the best things about the show. Viewers in Scotland can see this episode tomorrow at the same time.
WE LOVE FACTUAL
HUGH'S FISH FIGHT C4, 9PM
CAN Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall save the UK's rapidly depleting fish stocks? It's a big ask - and simply encouraging viewers to think past their regular order of cod and chips or tuna sarnies is not going to be enough.
In the first of three programmes tonight, Hugh discovers that an even bigger problem lies out in the North Sea, where EU regulations means fishermen have to throw back half of what they catch - dead.
The quotas introduced to stop overfishing have done nothing to solve the problem and have only resulted in a scandalous waste of prime stocks of perfectly good cod, coley, haddock and whiting.
Hugh is urging everyone to back his Fish Fight campaign and write to the European Commission fisheries minister about this.
If you were looking for something new to get cross about this year - you may just have found it.
WE LOVE SOAPS
EMMERDALE ITV1, 7PM
"I HAVE had headaches that have lasted longer than this will," grumbles Jai during Maisie and Nikhil's engagement party tonight.
However, it's Will who's the most put out by this new arrangement.
He reckons Nikhil is a poor substitute for the mum, dad and brother he's lost.
Seriously? I'd take a bloke with his own sweet factory over nasty Nathan, murderous Natasha and lying Mark any day of the week.
EASTENDERS BBC1, 7.30PM
EVEN if you are not among those viewers who've already been turned off EastEnders by the baby-swap storyline, the sight of Kat tonight might push you right over the edge into misery overload.
She is seen sobbing her guts out over the tiny white coffin at the funeral. While nobody in their right mind would watch EastEnders hoping to be cheered up, this really is a new low.
But Ronnie makes a surprising move tonight that could put a stop to the misery of at least one family in Albert Square.
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DON'T MISS YOUR FANTASTIC TV MAG FREE IN THE MIRROR ON SATURDAY
CRIME Glasgow cops Matt and Jackie investigate murder JOB Joseph gets a surprise offer WAR Hugh's ready for battle GRIEF Kat and Alfie with the tiny white coffin at the baby's funeral