We love telly; PICK OF THE DAY.
Byline: JANE SIMON Simon, in the Bible.
1 One of the Maccabees.
2 or Simon Peter: see Peter, Saint.
3 See Simon, Saint.
4 Kinsman of Jesus.
5 Leper of Bethany in whose house a woman anointed Jesus' feet.
STARGATE UNIVERSE SKY 1, 8pm and 10pm
THE latest addition to the Stargate film and TV franchise will hook newcomers but is steeped enough in the mythology to keep die-hard fans on board.
If you've never seen any of the others, all you need to know is that a Stargate is a ring-shaped device, built by aliens, that lets you teleport to another Stargate somewhere else in the universe by dialling the appropriate code. If you've recently struggled to retune your Freeview box, you'll appreciate how problematic this might be. Robert Carlyle hangs on to his Scottish accent to play Dr Nicholas Rush, a Government scientist who's been working out how to dial up the Stargate's ninth and final chevron.
Which is where Eli Wallace comes in. Played by David Blue (who Ugly Betty fans will recognise as Marc's photographer boyfriend Cliff), Eli is a maths geek recruited by the Government after he manages to crack the equation they've embedded into an online computer game.
The rest of the massive ensemble cast literally hurl themselves into the action as, one by one, they're spewed through the Stargate like a particularly violent instalment of Hole In The Wall.
Where they've come from and where they've ended up is gradually revealed but it's definitely not Earth, which is what they were expecting.
And, for a series about teleportation tel·e·por·ta·tion
A hypothetical method of transportation in which matter or information is dematerialized, usually instantaneously, at one point and recreated at another. , the way this first instalment hops back and forth in time is a little disorientating.
There's also a big question mark hanging over Carlyle's Dr Rush.
Is he the hero, is he a villain? Or is he something far more interesting in between? Enjoy the ride as we find out.
WE LOVE REALITY
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY C4, 11.05pm
REALITY shows don't get any bitchier than this one, which ends tonight with a massive cat-fight in a top restaurant.
At first, this was just another series about super-rich women with paralysed foreheads and silly voices, admiring each other's "bubbies" (as they insist on calling them) and making the Sultan of Brunei look like Ebenezer Scrooge.
But then it was revealed that Danielle (with the scary, vertical eyebrows) used to be a stripper Stripper
Slang for an individual homeowner who strips the equity out of his or her home through mortgage refinancing. Proceeds are generally not re-invested, but spent on consumer goods.
Most people get rich by saving and investing wisely. and has been mixed up in all kinds of dodgy dodgy - Synonym with flaky. Preferred outside the US stuff. Her ex-husband wrote a book about it which her so-called friends couldn't help crowing about when it came out.
Now Teresa is throwing a party and has decided to invite Danielle - even though most of them are not speaking to her any more.
The silicon from Teresa's new bubbies must have leaked into her brain because this is a terrible idea. Especially when Danielle turns up with that book.
Stand back - tables will be thrown.
WE LOVE DRAMA
HOLBY CITY BBC BBC
in full British Broadcasting Corp.
Publicly financed broadcasting system in Britain. A private company at its founding in 1922, it was replaced by a public corporation under royal charter in 1927. 1, 8pm
THIS is one of those storylines where actors find out just how indispensable (or not) producers think they are to the show.
Knocked down by a hit and run driver, nurse Maria Kendall faces a stark choice: "If I do nothing I stay paralysed for ever but the operation could kill me... " Ric promises they've found the best spinal surgeon in the country to work on Maria's back but the visiting doctor's taste in music immediately jars with anaesthetist Keith Greene, whose dry humour and refusal to fall in love with any colleagues makes him one of my favourite characters in Holby. "You'll be under for quite some time," Greene tells Maria, "so if there's anything you'd like me to Sky+ for you... " As Holby patches up its own again, Chrissie is in a side ward, feeling queasy QUEASY - An early system on the IBM 701.
[Listed in CACM 2(5):16 (May 1959)]. due to her unplanned pregnancy. Oliver feels much the same when he finds out he's the father...
WE LOVE SOAPS
EMMERDALE ITV (1) See interactive TV.
(2) (iTV) The code name for Apple's video media hub (see Apple TV). 1, 7pm
IT'S a shame her daughter Sarah is away on holiday with Lisa at the moment because, for the first time in her life, Debbie's got her whole family living under her own roof - her mum and dad, Charity and Cain (who are cousins, let's not forget) plus her half-brother Noah: a recipe for fireworks fireworks: see pyrotechnics.
Explosives or combustibles used for display. Of ancient Chinese origin, fireworks evidently developed out of military rockets and explosive missiles and accompanied the spread of military explosives westward to !
Cain is annoyed to find Charity making herself at home and warns Debbie he's bad news.
Er, looked in the mirror recently, Cain?
EASTENDERS BBC1, 7.30pm
SYED is desperate that no one discovers his relationship with Christian (Soap's Sexiest Male, if the recent Soap Awards are to be believed).
However, he has no qualms about dropping his dad right in it - by telling mum Zainab that he has spotted Masood and Jane going to the cinema together.
Meanwhile, Ronnie is made up because she thinks she's pregnant - so Peggy, of course, wants to know if Joel has what it takes to be a Mitchell.
Easy - just check his knuckles to see if they're chafed from being dragged on the floor.
DON'T MISS YOUR FANTASTIC TV MAG FREE IN THE MIRROR ON SATURDAY
TIME FOR ACTION Robert Carlyle and David Blue MURKY PAST Party guest Danielle DILEMMA Nurse Maria lies injured SPILT spilt
A past tense and a past participle of spill1. BEANS Syed tells Zainab about Masood's cinema visit