We love telly; Faye goes fourth: PICK OF THE DAY.
HOLBY CITY BBC1, 8pm
FAYE Morton is at it again. Getting married that is.
With three dead spouses already, the red dress is a nice touch as Joseph gamely agrees to become victim - sorry, husband - four.
As for Patsy Kensit Healy (not exactly a stranger to the register office herself), she certainly comes to the episode well-rehearsed.
And with love-struck Linden acting as Joseph's best man, and another of Joseph's outraged ex-girlfriends on the guest list, Faye missed a bit of a trick by not asking Jac to be her maid of honour.
The only thing missing from the whole ghastly occasion is seeing Jac and Linden performing It Should Have Been Me as the bride and groom exchange their insipid I Do's.
Jac's at the hospital taking out her anger on new interns Penny and Oliver Valentine, a brother and sister medical tag-team.
It leaves Faye's guest list quite thin, unless you count Elliot who's giving her away.
Which could be why she invites her mum and dad to the wedding.
They haven't spoken to each other in 12 years though as we discover they live "just the other side of Holby".
It was only a matter of time before one or other arrived at the hospital with a crossbow through their head, burst appendix or one of the other many life-threatening emergencies staff's relatives are so prone to.
No wonder they look so grumpy.
TURN PROPERTY WE LOVE
PROPERTY SNAKES AND LADDERS C4, 8pm
IN her eight years on Property Ladder, Sarah Beeny has led countless novice developers by the hand, gasping frequently at their idiotic mistakes. And it was a familiar story each week.
"Your development doesn't have a front door, your bathroom's so small people will have to crawl in on their stomachs, and you've tiled the roof with Jammie Dodgers. But well done! Thanks to the rising market you've managed to walk away with a profit of pounds 120,000!" But it's a different story now, as she follows the work of two developers who bought when house prices were at their peak only to see their investments' value tumble. So all in all, it's far more satisfying to watch.
That's especially so in the case of Natasha, a hoity-toity 21-yearold who's watched the series since she was 14 and made pounds 100K from her first development. If you didn't know she was about to come fantastically unstuck it would be totally unbearable.
WE LOVE COMEDY/DRAMA
CHUCK VIRGIN1, 9pm
IN the rapidly growing genre of "I'm a geek and a shadowy organisation has messed with my mind", Chuck is way less irksome than Joss Whedon's Dollhouse, which started recently on the Sci Fi channel.
Chuck (Zachary Levi), is basically a walking computer for the CIA - after having all its secrets downloaded into his brain via email. But as series two starts tonight he finds that he's about to be superseded.
The CIA has developed a new computer, which means Chuck could soon be free to stop playing at being a secret agent and return to his boring old normal life.
And he's excited about this, even if it means not seeing so much of his lovely CIA handler Sarah Walker (Yvonne Strahovski).
Bad guy of the week is Hollywood heavyweight Michael Clarke Duncan. The scene where he gets his ass kicked by the dinky Agent Sarah is like watching a Barbie doll kung fu-ing a rhinoceros.
WE LOVE SOAPS
EMMERDALE ITV1, 7pm SULKING is a very unattractive quality in a man - although in Andy Sugden's case we're prepared to make allowances because, for some reason, he's decided to strip down to his boxer shorts and socks to do it. Why this should be, we honestly have no idea.
But what we do know is that his daughter Sarah is having her second birthday party in two days and in a fit of pique about losing custody, Andy's making sure he misses this one as well. Remind us again: which one is the four-year-old in this storyline?
EASTENDERS BBC1, 7.30pm EVERYONE in Pat's ever-expanding house has breathed in to make room for one more as Whitney's mother, dodgy Debra, moves in to kip on the sofa.
And she'd settle into Walford brilliantly. In her first day she's selling pirate DVDs, got a mysterious stalker who she's trying to avoid and the police are knocking on her front door. Anyone would think she'd been born there.
And who needs Big Brother when you've got Zainab Masood? Her matchmaking efforts push Syed and the snooty Parveen together once more, but this time she keeps her beady eye on them.
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DEVIL IN A RED DRESS Faye, with Joseph LIP SERVICE Faye snogs best man Linden DEVELOPING INTEREST Sarah Beeny GEEK CIA computer-man Chuck FRAME GAME Debra trying to sell dodgy DVDs LOOKING FOR LOVE Syed