We all must stop giving bullies a free pass.

Byline: Cynthia Whitfield For The Register Guard

Bullying is finally getting the attention it deserves. Although bullying always has existed, recent high-profile school shootings have prompted us to take a closer look at this serious problem.

No one is sure why today's children are reacting more violently to bullying, but I can think of a few likely contributors. Kids are expected to grow up quickly and navigate an increasingly competitive and complex world. Kids who complain may get little more than a hug and a pep talk.

Stressed, overscheduled parents and kids don't have much time together, and there's little opportunity to decompress. Graphic, violent movies are billed as entertainment.

Add bullying to the mix, and maybe some vulnerable kids go over the top.

Recent research dispels the old idea that childhood bullying is a normal part of life that helps `toughen' kids. Victims often develop mental problems, perform poorly at school and, of course, lose self-esteem. Bullies are more likely to engage in criminal or bullying behavior as adults.

This is fairly new information. Many parents were raised at a time when it was OK to `tease,' that is, hurt other people's feelings for fun.

Children should not be allowed to intentionally say disparaging things about others, including their siblings. Of course, kids are human, and they're still learning to behave appropriately. An occasional ill-advised remark shouldn't be cause for alarm, but it should be corrected gently.

The problem arises when a pattern of mean-spirited remarks disguised as `teasing' or `sarcasm' develops. And of course, physical attacks should never be tolerated. This training will help children deal with today's world, where zero tolerance for bullying at school and work is increasingly the norm.

Occasionally the bully is a teacher. Stuart Twemlow, co-director of the Peaceful Schools Project, which develops programs to reduce bullying and school violence, found that 25 percent of teachers surveyed admitted to bullying a few times, and 2 percent do it frequently.

That can add up to a lot of kids, even though most teachers are dedicated, caring professionals. Just one really bad teacher can have a devastating effect on a child's life.

Local schools all claim to have zero tolerance policies for bullying and to have positive behavior support programs in place. But there's no sense of how widespread bullying is and how effective current policies are.

All schools should have this information. A number of bullying experts suggest surveying all students each year about bullying.

Lane County school officials should ask students if they've been victims of bullying in the last three years. When did it happen? How often? Have they bullied others? Have they ever felt bullied by teachers? Do they think the bullying prevention program at their school is effective? Have they ever reported bullying? What was the response? Have they been caught bullying? What were the consequences?

Teachers, principals and other school staff also should be surveyed. Ask what bullying behavior they've observed. Ask if they've bullied children, or know of other school employees who have. Someone outside the school should tally the results and present them to the school, parents and the news media.

Many experts say some current school practices should change. There is a growing consensus that arranging meetings between the bully and the victim is not a good idea. This tactic often makes a bullied child feel embarrassed and intimidated. Instead, administrators should meet with the children separately.

Bullying prevention is sometimes undermined because parents are afraid they'll make the situation worse. They also may be embarrassed about their child being bullied, or may fear being seen as overprotective if they complain.

Worst of all, they may believe it is up to their child to stop the bullying. But children and youth often need help to stop bullying.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, parents should report bullying even if apprehensive children protest. Students should not have to tolerate bullying at school any more than adults tolerate it at work.

It's also not a good idea to tell children to ignore or avoid bullies. Not being held accountable only empowers bullies.

Parents should put complaints in writing as often as possible. School staff should investigate bullying immediately and take some action within a week, according to Health and Human Services Department experts. If talking to teachers and administrators doesn't help, parents should contact the school superintendent, in writing if possible.

While it's not possible to completely eliminate bullying, we can certainly do as much as possible to minimize it.

Cynthia Whitfield ([e-mail]) of Eugene is a free-lance writer.