War for children.

CHILDREN OF ALL AGES hear the news and perhaps even some political discussion that goes on at home between their parents or different adults. They know who the president is and, most of the time, how their parents feel about him. When asked whom they would vote for, most children have an answer.

They hear about events such as September 11, 2001, the war in Afghanistan, or the U.S. invasion of Iraq. Some even have siblings, parents, or other family members fighting in Iraq or Afghanistan. Many of those children see the world as we, the good guys, fighting the terrorists, the bad guys, because it justifies the loss of their loved one. Isn't there a different way to teach children about right and wrong? And is it right to call all those killed the "terrorists," the "bad guys," or the "evil doers" knowing that our bombs, arms, and even mistakenly our soldiers have killed more innocent people than terrorists?

More importantly, is it right to demonstrate to a generation of children that to "kill or be killed" is the way to deal with conflict between nations and between human beings? Are we not, in a sense, showing these children that people living in other countries aren't human and that killing them is just fine?

The United States government directs and controls war and in many ways the news of war, and it justifies its actions in the same way that we justify those actions to our children. Fortunately, some of us don't fall for this rationale. But with children it's a completely different story. For them, what we say and do in this case is contradictory. We tell them of our zero tolerance rules of engagement regarding kids fighting on the playground, yet we explain the war as an unavoidable and heroic act. We explain that killing the enemy is our success in the war and that the Iraqis are the bad guys, yet we downplay the coverage of innocent Iraqis who die on a daily basis.

On the other hand, there are families who perceive this war as nothing short of immoral. They are upset by the seeming indifference of the U.S. government towards the lost lives of those innocent Iraqis, which some reports have identified to be between 40,000 and 100,000. While the media reports consistently on American and "insurgent" deaths, some feel there is a lack of acknowledgement of the number of brave American soldiers who have been maimed.

So, just as adults are divided on this issue, children, whose perceptions are greatly influenced by those of their parents, are also divided. As a divided generation of adults, we shout across the aisle as opposed to coming together to resolve complex problems. We should work to reduce this divide among our children because a divided generation of children becomes a divided generation of adults.

Explaining this war and terrorism to our children is something that most of us adults didn't count on having to deal with. Translating the Washington war-talk into a rational and consistent lesson for them is a difficult task. Explaining the loss of a loved one in this war is monumental.

It's always easier to communicate with those of similar beliefs and opinions, but we should try to listen, not talk, to those who have different beliefs. What we learn by listening and reflecting can often be put into a discussion point for our children at home, giving them a good example to follow, especially for such controversial issues. As a parent who constantly struggles to do this, hopefully successfully, I know this is difficult. But I believe that each time we do this, we are making a significant impact on the way our children look at themselves and others.

Putting a terrorist face on all that is nonAmerican is insulting to our American intelligence, compassion, and values. We need to be sure that we don't do to our children what our government is doing to us. Our children deserve better.

Armineh Noravian is an engineering consultant and a freelance writer. She can be contacted at [e-mail].