WOODY'S 'JADE SCORPION' BITES BUT NEVER REALLY STINGS.Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic ``The Curse of the Jade Scorpion'' finds Woody Allen in the same broadly farcical far·ci·cal adj. 1. Of or relating to farce. 2. a. Resembling a farce; ludicrous. b. Ridiculously clumsy; absurd. far mind-set as last year's enjoyable caper caper, common name for members of the Capparidaceae, a family of tropical plants found chiefly in the Old World and closely related to the family Cruciferae (mustard family). comedy ``Small Time Crooks.'' Like ``Crooks,'' this movie reaches back to the whimsy whim·sy also whim·sey n. pl. whim·sies also whim·seys 1. An odd or fanciful idea; a whim. 2. A quaint or fanciful quality: stories full of whimsy. of earlier comedies (in this case ``Broadway Danny Rose'' and ``Manhattan Murder Mystery''), but the results this time aren't nearly as consistently rewarding. Too many jokes fall flat, and nobody in the cast achieves the same inspired heights as Elaine May or, for that matter, countless others who have achieved fame and Oscars through their association with Allen. ``Scorpion'' attempts to duplicate the romantic repartee rep·ar·tee n. 1. A swift, witty reply. 2. Conversation marked by the exchange of witty retorts. See Synonyms at wit1. in old Hollywood classics starring Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn or Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell. But the bantering here isn't nearly as fun thanks to rather routine writing and the miscasting MISCASTING. By this term is not understood any pretended miscasting or misvaluing, but simply an error in auditing and numbering. 4 Bouv. Inst. n. 4128. of Helen Hunt as the movie's fast-talking dame. Hunt can be a gifted comic actress and projects authority just fine, but she's too cool and detached to bring the needed heat to the proceedings. Allen, as he himself would admit, is certainly not the best choice for his role, either, being a bit long in the tooth to convincingly play a hard- charging insurance investigator who could romantically interest women played by the likes of Hunt and Charlize Theron. ``Scorpion'' takes place in (surprise) Manhattan circa 1940 with Allen playing C.W. Briggs, a confident, corporate private eye who is having his mettle tested by the arrival of an efficiency expert, Betty Ann Fitzgerald (Hunt). Fitzgerald (nobody calls her Betty Ann) views C.W. as a dinosaur and wants the company boss, Magruder (Dan Aykroyd), to can him. But Magruder likes C.W. - he gets results. And not even his office affair with Fitz will change his mind. Further conflict arrives courtesy of a conniving hypnotist, Voltan, (effectively played by David Ogden Stiers David Ogden Stiers (born October 31, 1942) is an American character actor, voice actor and musician, most noted for his role in the television sitcom M*A*S*H, and the science fiction drama The Dead Zone. ), who puts C.W. and Fitz under his spell and makes them whisper sweet nothings. Voltan has other plans for the bickering pair besides making them look foolish. But foolishness, however forced, remains the movie's top priority. At its heart, ``Scorpion'' wants to be a sweet send-up of old detective movies and screwball screw·ball n. 1. Baseball A pitched ball that curves in the direction opposite to that of a normal curve ball. 2. Slang An eccentric, impulsively whimsical, or irrational person. adj. comedies, with Allen poking fun at conventions like the jaded, thrill-seeking heiress with the Veronica Lake hairdo (Theron) and the corniness of a time when plots could turn on the actions of a hypnotist. But it doesn't work. The romance, the bickering and just about everything else feels contrived, and the pace is positively leaden. Allen has made some good movies of late (``Sweet and Lowdown low·down n. Slang The whole truth: gave us the lowdown on what happened at the party. lowdown low (inf) n he gave me the lowdown on it → ,'' ``Deconstructing Harry'' among them), so it's easy to forgive this clunker clunk·er n. Informal 1. A decrepit machine, especially an old car; a rattletrap. 2. A failure; a flop. . But the Woodman might want to look in the mirror and realize that at 65, it's time to cast somebody else as the charming womanizer wom·an·ize v. woman·ized, woman·iz·ing, woman·iz·es v.intr. To pursue women lecherously. v.tr. To give female characteristics to; feminize. , particularly when he's after the audience's sympathy. If he wants to make people cringe, that's another story. ``THE CURSE OF THE JADE SCORPION'' (Rated PG-13 for some sexual content) The stars: Woody Allen, Helen Hunt, Dan Aykroyd, Charlize Theron, David Ogden Stiers. Behind the scenes: Written and directed by Woody Allen. Released by DreamWorks Pictures. Running time: One hour, 43 minutes. Playing: Citywide. Our rating: Two stars |
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