WILL ANYBOY LIKE `SOMEBODY'?Byline: David Kronke Staff Writer It's come to this: Someone has gone and made a motion picture based on that old Charles Atlas ad in comic books. You know the one - where the guy decides to ``gamble'' a postage stamp and is soon proclaimed ``Hero of the Beach''? Wait, scratch that. A movie based on Charles Atlas ads would be both more realistic and more entertaining than the moist, dithering Simulating more colors and shades in a palette. In a monochrome system that displays or prints only black and white, shades of grays can be simulated by creating varying patterns of black dots. This is how halftones are created in a monochrome printer. hackwork hack·work n. 1. Commissioned work, such as writing or acting, done usually by formula and in conformance with commercial standards. 2. Tedious, monotonous, or uninteresting work of any kind. Noun 1. slinking into theaters under the moniker ``Joe Somebody.'' Its plot, cooked up by screenwriter John Scott Shepherd, is so slight as to be a rumor: Career-stalled Everyshlub Joe Scheffer (Tim Allen) is shown up by a corporate bully (Patrick Warburton) in the company parking lot in front of his daughter, Natalie (Hayden Panettiere). Wimp that he is, he goes home and sulks sulk intr.v. sulked, sulk·ing, sulks To be sullenly aloof or withdrawn, as in silent resentment or protest. n. , until perky personnel executive Meg (Julie Bowen), a chipper chipper Drug slang An occasional user of illicit drugs. See Recreational drug use Tobacco A popular term for a person who smokes < 5 cigarettes/day, who may be resistant to nicotine dependence or addiction, and often born to non-smoking parents. do-gooder and positive-thinker, shows up and gives him a pep talk. Idiot that he is, he misinterprets her advice and challenges, to Natalie and Meg's consternation, his oppressor OPPRESSOR. One who having public authority uses it unlawfully to tyrannize over another; as, if he keep him in prison until he shall do something which he is not lawfully bound to do. 2. To charge a magistrate with being an oppressor, is therefore actionable. to a fistfight. This garners him a measure of celebrity and respect around the office (the filmmakers have clearly mistaken the social dynamics of grade school for the real world). Besides the cast (in addition to Allen, Bowen and Warburton, tube personalities Jim Belushi and Greg Germann also appear; most of them are more entertaining on their TV shows), there are plenty of reasons this feels like a TV movie. Its weary be-yourself bromides and sappily unconvincing uplift are better suited to an afterschool special, its attempts at humor are milder and more obvious than anything the lamest sitcom would attempt to foist foist tr.v. foist·ed, foist·ing, foists 1. To pass off as genuine, valuable, or worthy: "I can usually tell whether a poet . . . on viewers, director John Pasquin's undistinguished visual sense would be better suited to a small screen, and the film's resolution is more pat than a chilled square of butter. The film is so riddled with conflicting messages and hypocrisies you suspect no one could actually stand to read it for more than a scene at a time. Joe's free-spirited ex-wife (Kelly Lynch) - what did she and the staid, timorous Joe ever see in one another? - is pejoratively depicted as a New Age flake because she takes their daughter to avant-garde theater, but on the other hand, the fact that Natalie has been inspired to be a playwright is depicted as a good thing. And even though Natalie is against Joe fighting, she works on a play about basketball, where brawn brawn n. 1. Solid and well-developed muscles, especially of the arms and legs. 2. Muscular strength and power. 3. Chiefly British The meat of a boar. 4. Headcheese. and athleticism obviously win over passivity and wallflowerism. And do the filmmakers really mean to suggest that audiences should just accept blatant victimization victimization Social medicine The abuse of the disenfranchised–eg, those underage, elderly, ♀, mentally retarded, illegal aliens, or other, by coercing them into illegal activities–eg, drug trade, pornography, prostitution. with a stoic whimper? Tell it to New York City New York City: see New York, city. New York City City (pop., 2000: 8,008,278), southeastern New York, at the mouth of the Hudson River. The largest city in the U.S. , fellas. By film's end, Joe realizes, ``A parking space isn't worth fighting for.'' If that's the sort of profundity you're content with paying $8 for, then ``Joe Somebody'' is for you. But if that really is the case, you're probably a nobody. ``JOE SOMEBODY'' (Rated PG: language, thematic elements, mild violence) The stars: Tim Allen, Julie Bowen, Jim Belushi, Patrick Warburton, Greg Germann, Kelly Lynch. Behind the scenes: Directed by John Pasquin. Written by John Scott Shepherd. Released by 20th Century Fox. Running time: One hour, 37 minutes. Playing: Citywide. Our rating: One star |
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