WHAT'S A CATHOLIC TO DO?

Excuses abound for leaving the church. While this priest of 53 years can name most of them, he also wonders if Catholics realize just what--and whom--they're leaving behind.

Let's face it. The statistics are terrible. In the last 20 years, more people have voluntarily left the church than at any time in history, more priests have left the active ministry, more sisters and brothers have left, 10 percent of the parishes are closed, and convents and seminaries are closing all over the country. We look over the present situation and sadly ask, "What happened?" "Why, why?" "What's a Catholic to do?"

It is said that the church is in crisis. But it has always been in crisis since, after the Last Supper, the apostles fled when Jesus was apprehended, Peter denied him, and the disciples fearfully hid behind locked doors. So what's new?

In some ways we still flee from Jesus and deny him. What's new is that we no longer seem to fear, when a wholesome fear might be spiritually healthful. God has given us an intellect and a free will, and we must be responsible and give an account of ourselves--or we will have no dignity as human beings made to the image and likeness of God.

Yes, we have reasons and excuses for abandoning life in the church. In my 53 years as a priest, especially in the last 20, l have heard innumerable excuses:

"The sermons are boring." Agreed, often. In his priestly lifetime a priest gives at least 2,500 sermons (sorry, homilies). It ain't easy being brilliant every time. Anyhow, we can always listen to the scripture readings and meditate on them. I know one intelligent laywoman who brings a book along to read during the sermons at her parish.

"The pastor does dumb things." Aha, you're talking about me. I am embarrassed at some of the dumb things I did. I presume that the parishioners had their faith in God, not in me. "God sometimes sends you a bad pastor," said Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the learned Lutheran pastor who was hanged by the Nazis, "to remind you that your relationship is with God, not the pastor."

"I get nothing out of the Mass." What did Christ get out of the Last Supper and his Crucifixion? If we get nothing out of the Mass, it is because we refuse to accept what Christ has to give us.

"I abhor the institutional church." So do I, my dear. But there is only one church. It does have an institutional aspect, for we need some kind of organization. Jesus condemned the Pharisees for making so many laws. "They tie up heavy burdens and put them on men's shoulders" (Matt. 23:4). Jesus deliberately broke some. In the Code of Canon Law (with its 1,752 rules) the last line is, of course, the most important: "always keeping in mind the salvation of souls, which in the church is the supreme law." So, don't worry. Just check with the gospels.

"The church scorns gays and lesbians." Not the church, which is made up of 950 million people, just some ignorant, bigoted, un-Christlike officials and their ignorant followers. Christ wasn't concerned about it; he knew that God created gays and lesbians, and we should not question the wisdom of God.

"A priest refused to give Holy Communion to the best man at a wedding Mass." Remember that we priests don't own Communion, the sacraments, the Mass, grace, the Bible, the church, God's life. Where does Holy Communion come from? Jesus wanted to give the apostles something to make them strong in the faith. Food makes us strong, so he gave himself as food. And he laid down no conditions, and if he didn't, then no one else can. Holy Communion is not a reward for being good; it is given to help us become good or remain good.

"I was thrown out of the church." No, you weren't. Would the Christ of love and mercy and forgiveness, who went seeking the lost sheep, do that? Saint Paul does mention a person in public flagrant sin (incest) being cut off from the community, but it was the whole community, not one person, who decided that "so that his spirit maybe saved on the day of the Lord" (1 Cor. 5:5).

"I can pray to God in my apartment." Good for you, I hope that you do. I pray my breviary in my apartment. But if that were good enough, God would not have sent his son to become man. Christ is present in the Mass as he is in no other way.

"The pope is opposed to birth control." When Pope Paul VI made a one-man decision against it, despite the approval of birth control by the consultants he had called in, it was the cause of a great, exodus from the church. In the United States at least 95 percent of Catholics practice birth control. For them it is a dead issue. They just do what is morally best for their families and do not consider it a matter for Confession. Theology comes not just from scholars reading Latin but from the experience of the whole church, made up mostly of laypeople.

"The priest refuses to baptize our baby." Because they do not pay enough money to the parish, because they did not get married in the parish church, because they are not dues-paying members of the parish, because it is a second marriage without an annulment, etc. It is scandalous when a priest takes it out on an innocent baby because of the parents. Canon 868 of the Code of Canon Law says that for the licit Baptism of an infant only two things are necessary. One, that the parents or whoever is in charge give consent. That makes sense. Two, that there be a founded hope (not even a promise) that the child will be brought up in the Catholic religion. If you make the effort to have the child baptized, the priest can presume that you intend to raise the child Catholic.

Changes in church ways, practice, and worship have been too swift, too far-reaching, too fundamental for some uninstructed Catholics. They are uneasy, insecure, puzzled, confused, shaken. They are good people, but for them the Rock of Ages is on the rocks. What's a Catholic to do? I don't have all the answers but only some suggestions.

Remember that you are Catholic, always and forever. On the historic day of your Baptism, heaven rejoiced, God was present, and the grace of the Holy Spirit filled your soul and your life.

There may be times when we feel spiritually dry, unable to pray, without attraction for the life of the Spirit. Even saints experienced that; it is merely a test.

If you waver in your sympathy for Jesus and his church (they cannot be separated), please read chapters 13 to 17 of the Gospel of John--the most beautiful part of the whole New Testament--and the Book of Job, the greatest book in the Old Testament.

Never look for a perfect church, for, apart from Christ, it is made up of imperfect human beings--ourselves. Yet it is the supreme source of happiness for ourselves. Be glad and rejoice in it. If it's good enough for Christ, it is good enough for us.

If you have been hurt by "the church," meaning only some priests and bishops, remember, as Budd Schulberg points out in On the Waterfront, that Saint Basil was accused of heresy before Pope Damascus, Saint Cyril was condemned by a council of 40 bishops, Saint Joan of Arc was burned at the stake, and Saint Ignatius of Loyola was imprisoned by the Inquisition. If you have suffered from obtuse priests and bishops who have forgotten the purpose of their calling, pray as Christ did from the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

Daily--yes, daily--prayer is a great help and necessary for any Catholic who is in the church, halfway out, or outside looking in. Christ prayed, and repeatedly in the gospels he tells us to pray. We cannot have a developing spiritual life without it. If prayer does not come easily, we can say the published prayers of others and make them our own. Reading scripture is a good way to pray, too.

But above all, we must be at Mass every Sunday. Christ invites us to the Upper Room. He wants us there, he looks for us there, for in his love for us he wants to give us food for everlasting life, his body and blood. All week long we should look forward with anticipation to Sunday Mass. What a privilege!

Forget the externals--the presider, the music, the sermon, the building, the ritual. It is wonderful if they are all perfect, but they rarely are. If Christ puts up with it, so can we. Look for the essence, which is Christ, who is always there, and that is why we are there. Christ is happy to see us there, for we are his family.

The word Eucharist means thanksgiving, and if we have nothing to thank God for, we may as well stay away. Christ arranged for this way for us to be with him. It is the anchor of our spiritual life, necessary for our present life and assurance of the next.

I think of the risks and sacrifices many people over the centuries have taken and made to get to Mass. Skip Mass and you skip Christ. One thing you will never regret is being at Mass. "Do this," said Christ at the Last Supper, so let's do it.

Perhaps the saddest words in the gospel are those of Jesus, when many of his disciples left him and "no longer accompanied him" and he asked the apostles, "Will you also go away?" Peter answers, "Master, to whom shall we go?" (John 6:67-68).

I am edging on age 80, have been ordained and done pastoral work for 53 years, and have traveled to and studied religions in 187 countries of the world, and I can answer only as Peter did.

If we cut ourselves off from Christ, we are alone. The late French thinker and writer Gabriel Marcel says, "There's only one suffering--that is to be alone."

FATHER HENRY FEHREN, a priest of the St. Cloud, Minnesota diocese, who was a columnist for U.S. CATHOLIC for 27 years. He lives in New York City.