WELL-DRAWN CHARACTERS ENHANCE QUIRKY `SAFE MEN'.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Daily News Film Critic

There are a couple of dim bulbs at the center of the engagingly offbeat comedy ``Safe Men,'' but unlike the recent dimwit duos of ``BASEketball'' or ``Dumb & Dumber'' (and its countless rip-offs), these guys mind their manners. One of them even wangles an invitation to a Rosh Hashanah barbecue and - get this - never once passes gas or lets out a belch.

``Safe Men'' has quirkier ambitions. First-time writer-director John Hamburg offers sly winks to a wide variety of sources - Woody Allen, ``Star Wars,'' ``Say Anything'' among them - to create a charming, warm and, yes, funny movie debut. It's not a film that's going to provoke tears of laughter (there's no ``hair-gel'' clincher a la ``There's Something About Mary''), but it won't prompt too many groans, either. (See previous ``hair gel'' comment.)

``Safe Men'' has a pair of couples. There are the two professional safe crackers, Mitchell and Frank (Josh Pais and Mark Ruffalo), who are methodically making their way through every strongbox in Providence, R.I. And then there are Sam and Eddie (Sam Rockwell and Steve Zahn), two horrific tin-eared singers who periodically don sweater vests and butcher folk tunes at local restaurants. (Part of their problem: Sam can't remember lyrics, prompting one of the film's funniest scenes.)

On their way home from another odious gig, Sam and Eddie are mistakenly identified as the expert safecrackers. Soon they find themselves before Big Fat Bernie Gayle (Michael Lerner), mob leader of the ``Jewish Mafia.'' Big Fat Bernie demands that they pull three heists for him, including one at the very tabernacle where his son, Little Big Fat Bernie, will be having his bar mitzvah.

Even though ``Safe Men'' has underworld figures and petty criminals, the film is not another example of scuzz cinema. There's no blood, only bluster. And while Hamburg shows the occasional sign of coming down with a mild case of Tarantino Blather, the pop cultural references always take a back seat to the film's well-drawn characters.

And what characters they are. In addition to Big Fat Bernie, there's a rival Jewish crime lord, Good Stuff Leo (Harvey Fierstein), whose daughter, Hannah (Christina Kirk), falls for Sam. (She has a thing for thieves.)

Big Fat Bernie and Little Big Fat Bernie share a love of hockey and sweat suits, which they have custom made by tailors who come straight to Big Fat's house. Big Fat is a model dad, and his detailed planning of Little Fat's bar mitzvah (or bee-mitzvah, as he calls it) is priceless. Imagine the introductions of a Chicago Bulls playoff game and you'll get the idea of the bee-mitzvah's party-down atmosphere.

The movie is full of wonderful moments and winning performances. Zahn, the stoned scene-stealer from ``Out of Sight,'' here displays the same winsome charm, while Rockwell has a shy sweetness, particularly in his scenes with Kirk.

Every character has either a great line or a remarkable scene, such as when Fierstein's Good Stuff Leo recounts the time when some slacks he fenced turned out to be a little too hot for everyone concerned. You won't forget it or this movie. Hopefully, we'll be hearing more from its creator in the near future.

THE FACTS

The film: ``Safe Men'' (R; language).

The stars: Sam Rockwell, Steve Zahn, Harvey Fierstein.

Behind the scenes: Directed and written by John Hamburg. Released by October Films.

Running time: One hour, 27 minutes.

Playing: Beverly Center Cineplex, Laemmle Monica.

Our rating: Three Stars.

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Photo

Photo: Sam Rockwell and Steve Zahn in the offbeat comedy ``Safe Men.''