WELCOME TO THE CHRIS BERMAN BOWL.Byline: TOM HOFFARTH The Media On today's non-scripted reality show otherwise known as Super Sunday The term Super Sunday may refer to the following
in full American Broadcasting Co. Major U.S. television network. It began when the expanding national radio network NBC split into the separate Red and Blue networks in 1928. and ESPN ESPN Entertainment and Sports Programming Network are all syngergized to do whatever is possible to keep viewers from changing the channel. Or, channeling an over-energized Chris Berman on what could be his latest, greatest day with a microphone in front of his grill. There are plenty of subplots for viewers to follow on this occasion. Will Al Michaels up and quit moments after the final gun, announcing that he'll join John Madden and cruise over to NBC NBC in full National Broadcasting Co. Major U.S. commercial broadcasting company. It was formed in 1926 by RCA Corp., General Electric Co. (GE), and Westinghouse and was the first U.S. company to operate a broadcast network. ? What will Jimmy Kimmel say about Detroit that'll get him air-mailed to Canada? Will guest analyst Bill Belichick actually say something pertinent on the pregame show? But, then, don't be surprised if somehow it plays out like this: 7 a.m.: ESPN ``Sports Reporters'': Mike Lupica and Bob Ryan stop tongue wrestling for a moment when Chris Berman bursts in from camera left to argue that he is, in fact, a sports reporter and can join the show whenever he wants. ``And I have the Emmy Awards to prove it,'' he begins, dumping them all on John Saunders' lap. 8 a.m.: Channel 7: ``This Week with George Stephanopoulos'': Chris Berman interrupts the proceedings to inform viewers that he has been authorized to declare a cease fire in Iraq. ``If I can just do this, for us, on this one important day of the year ... it's from me to you,'' he says, dabbing a tissue to his eyes. 8 a.m.: ESPN ``NFL NFL abbr. National Football League NFL (US) n abbr (= National Football League) → Fußball-Nationalliga Countdown:'' Stuart Scott, Trey Wingo, Mike Ditka, Ron Jaworski, Sean Salisbury, Mark Schlereth and Darren Woodson launch into a six-hour show - without Chris Berman. Scott is asked by Berman, however, to read a disclaimer at the top of the show that, he'll ``be there in spirit.'' 9 a.m.: NFL Network: ``NFL Total Access NFL Total Access is a television news program on the NFL Network. The network treats it as the league's "show of record" and bills it as the only year-round show dedicated to the National Football League. :'' Former Lions coach Steve Mariucci joins Rich Eisen and the gang for a modest a 5 1/2-hour pregame that includes a segment on Chris Berman's favorite combovers. 11:30 a.m.: Channel 7: Super Bowl XL pregame show: Chris Berman, the show's official host, regales the crew of Michael Irvin, Tom Jackson and Steve Young about what he remembers from each of the previous 39 Super Bowls. ``Did I ever tell you that Joe 'Willie' Namath was my hero - he's the reason I do this - and I used to wear white shoes ...'' Berman begins as Irvin walks off the set. 3 p.m.: Channel 7: Super Bowl XL. Chris Berman hands it over to Al Michaels and John Madden. Begrudgingly. But only after saying: ``Al, if you don't make it to ESPN next year with ``Monday Night,'' let me be the first to say, I want that job.'' 4:30 p.m.: ``Lingerie Bowl III: Ultimate Catfight cat·fight n. 1. A fight between or among cats. 2. Informal A vociferous dispute: a catfight between farmers and the government over subsidies. ,'' live from the Coliseum (DirecTV Channel 122, $19.95). A 7-on-7 tackle football game between a bunch of bimbos, with Cindy Margolis, Jenny McCarthy and William ``The Refrigerator'' Perry somewhere on the sidelines On the sidelines An investor who decides not to invest due to market uncertainty. on the sidelines Of or relating to investors who, having assessed the market, have decided to avoid committing their funds. to give it that gross, ``Surreal Life'' feel. Chris Berman attempts to do the opening coin toss with Joey Buttafucco and Amy Fisher via satellite, but there seem to be some technical difficulties. 5:10 p.m.: Channel 7: Super Bowl XL halftime show: Chris Berman climbs onstage in an attempt to join ``my pal'' Mick Jagger and help him sing, ironically, ``Beast of Burden beast of burden n. pl. beasts of burden An animal, such as a donkey, ox, or elephant, used for transporting loads or doing other heavy work. Noun 1. .'' 5:47 p.m.: Midway through the third quarter, Chris Berman passes a note to Madden, telling him it's OK if he cares to use any of the nicknames on this list for the Steelers or Seahawks players. Madden crumbles up the list and eats it. 6:45 p.m.: Channel 7: Super Bowl XL postgame show: Chris Berman wrestles Stuart Scott over who will hand the Lombardi Trophy to Dan Rooney. Berman wins. ``You know Dan, before the game, 'The Schwam' did predict a 24-23 Seahawks' victory, which I know isn't quite the 34-7 Steeler victory that happened on the field, but ...'' 7:15 p.m.: Channel 7, ``Grey's Anatomy.'' Jim Gray appears to help the interns perform an emergency tracheotomy tracheotomy (trākēŏt`əmē), surgical incision into the trachea, or windpipe. The operation is performed when the windpipe has become blocked, e.g., by the presence of some foreign object or by swelling of the larynx. without anesthesia on guest star patient Chris Berman. 8:50 p.m.: Channel 7, ``Jimmy Kimmel Live.'' Jimmy goes live to Chris Berman attempting to shake hands to perform the customary act of civility by clasping and moving hands, as an expression of greeting, farewell, good will, agreement, etc. See also: Shake with every person leaving Ford Field. ``Now that was a game,' he says to each person. ``And you can call me Boomer.'' CAPTION(S): 5 photos, box Photo: (1) ESPN's Chris Berman will get plenty of air time on Super Bowl Sunday. Getty Images (2) LYNN SWANN (3) EPIPHANNY PRINCE (4) DONOVAN McNABB (5) - NBC's Jay Leno, on the Super Bowl XL musical entertainment for the pregame and halftime shows, which includes Mick Jagger (pictured) and his band of merry men Band of Merry Men Robin Hood’s brigands. [Br. Lit.: Robin Hood] See : Highwaymen . Box: SUNDAY PUNCH BY TOM HOFFARTH |
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