WEBPOINTERS : FOR VALENTINE'S DAY GREETINGS, IT'S WEB TO THE RESCUE.

Byline: Kitty Williams Special to the Daily News

Listen up, guys and gals: Valentine's Day is almost here, and if you think it's OK to ignore it, you've got another think coming.

You figure your significant other knows you love him or her, so why bother mentioning it. Sooo monotonous.

Smarten up. You aren't going to get off that easily. Fortunately the Internet is there to save you. Again.

How about a love letter smelling faintly of roses, reeking of sentiment and longing? You wouldn't know what to say? No problem. That big-nosed, big-hearted writer, Cyrano, lives online at Nando. Net.

At the Cyrano Server, you supply names, adverbs, adjectives, favorite foods and so on. Cyrano uses your material to produce a letter in the style you've selected: steamy, poetic, indecisive, surreal, intellectual, desperate or regretful. You can copy the letter onto your own flowery writing paper in your own fair hand, or you can fancy it up with computer graphics, supplied at the site, and send it to your love through the Net.

You may prefer Frank Sinatra's style to Cyrano's. Again, no problem. Click on over to Frank-E- Mail. At that site, you can write a note and have it ``translated'' into words ``Old Blue Eyes'' might use. A disclaimer at the site warns that the results might not be politically correct. Send yourself an e-mail first to make sure it's exactly what you want to say.

Billets doux (that's French for love letters) are all well and good, but sometimes your relationship with a certain someone requires more. You need to get that someone a present, and the fancier the better. Flowers, perfume, a pet, perhaps, or a Porsche.

No money? Well, they say it's the thought that counts. How about sending a virtual present? From the Virtual Presents site, you can choose from clothing, tools, furniture, vacations, cars and planes (the Porsche), jewelry, food, flowers or pets. Select from the appropriate category, write a note to go with it, and click it on its electronic way to your love.

If you receive a virtual present of, say, a pet frog (that's one of the options), you could respond with a virtual kiss. I don't guarantee the result will be a prince or a princess, but ...

TheKiss.com lets you design a virtual kiss or pick among the ``pre-puckered'' ones and send it to your chosen frog (or person). While you're at TheKiss.com, have a look at the Kissing Machine, a battery operated gizmo consisting of two ``love handles'' connected to a control box. Kissers using the machine are rewarded with a slight electric shock when they touch lips.

When you need a kissing machine to liven up your kissing experience, you could have more of a problem than you think. If sparks don't fly naturally when you and your beloved are together, you may not be meant for one another.

Find out using the Love Calculator. Enter your own name and the name of the other person, click the button labeled ``calculate'' and it comes back with a number indicating your compatibility.

Is that a little unscientific for you? You might prefer the Biorhythmic Compatibility Calculator, which requires you to enter birth dates for ``Person 1'' and ``Person 2'' and click a button to find out your physical, emotional, mental and overall compatibility. That page proudly carries the statement that it has been designated ``Useless.''

These suggestions are just the beginning. There are some inspiring (and not) links at the Yahoo! Valentine's Day subdirectory. One of them, Love in Language: Poetry and Quotes, might be just the place you need to go to get into the Valentine's Day spirit. There you'll find Shakespeare and Elizabeth Barrett Browning on love, as well as 10,000 Maniacs, INXS, the Beatles, Madonna, Sting and many others.

``How do I love thee ? Let me count the ways.'' Sigh.

To visit the sites mentioned in this column type the Web address listed below into your browser's entry line or go directly to WebPointers Online at http://www.webpointers.com where WebPointers columns are archived with active hyperlinks and the 1997 WebPointers Internet Guide may now be ordered online

ADDRESS BOOK

The Cyrano Server (http://www.nando.net/toys/cyrano.html)

FRANK-E-MAIL (http://pscentral.com/frank/)

A Virtual Present (http://www.virtualpresents.com/)

TheKiss.com (http://www.thekiss.com/)

The Love Calculator (http://www.xs4all.nl/(TILDE)kink/love/)

Biorythmic Compatibility Calculator (http://www.kfu.com/(tilde)nsayer/compat.html)

Yahoo! Valentine's Day (http://www.yahoo.com/Society(underscore)and(UNDERSCORE)Culture/Holidays/Valentine(UNDERSCORE)s(UNDERSCORE)Day/)

Love in Language: Poetry and Quotes(http://mustang.wyoming.eaglequest.net/(TILDE)mjluce/romance.html)

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