WE ALL CAN'T HAVE `EYE OF TIGER'.

Byline: KEVIN MODESTI

THOUSAND OAKS - If you watched the golf tournament on Channel 4 Saturday, you saw the latest example of technology in the service of mankind.

A tiny camera was mounted on the bill of Tiger Woods' cap during a practice session before the Williams World Challenge at Sherwood Country Club, and the taped footage offered viewers ``the first-ever look at Woods' grip, stance and swing from his perspective,'' as NBC trumpeted it.

The network called it the ``Eye of the Tiger,'' although the ``Forehead of the Tiger'' might be more accurate.

What we were supposed to learn from this is unclear - it turns out Woods' grip, stance and swing appear from his perspective eerily like my grip, stance and swing appear from my perspective.

From which I conclude that grip, stance and swing have nothing to do with good golf.

``He has really nice shoes,'' observed a writer watching the Tigercam shots on TV in the press room. Maybe it really is the shoes.

Anyway, at least NBC has the right idea, understanding that among the millions of people watching its golf coverage, about 14 were interested in marveling at the skills of the world's greatest quasi-athletes. Everybody else was hoping to pick up golf tips.

This also was true for approximately 8,064 of the 8,071 spectators following Tiger, third-round leader Sergio Garcia and 10 rivals up and down Sherwood's hills.

We weren't here to root home that plucky Stewart Cink. We were hoping that somehow, through imitation or osmosis, some of Tiger's game would rub off on us.

Woods' divot had barely landed, and his opening tee shot was still sizzling through the air when the voice of the common man was heard for the first time Saturday.

``See where the grass went? That would have been my ball,'' said the fan standing next to me. ``And I'd have said, `Yeah! I got it in the air!' ''

As the fan implied, it could be that nothing Woods does on the course is applicable to anything you and I do on the course.

But Woods himself thinks there is hope for the average golfer. He recalled that ``when I was a kid,'' he followed Fred Couples, Corey Pavin and Tom Kite at the Los Angeles Open and picked up a few pointers. They'll love to read that.

``I'd have to say you can learn something,'' he said, without specifying what, obviously fearing that if he gave away a secret, tomorrow the whole world would be shooting 67.

So, you ask, what pointers did I pick up on a day-long Tiger hunt, and how are they likely to lower my golf score from 94 to 67 overnight?

Have $100 million in the bank. Relaxation is a key to effective athletic performance and Woods enjoys the benefit of knowing that if he loses, he'll be able to pay his bets. Note to self: Make $100 million before next golf date. Likely improvement: 3 strokes.

Dress for success. Woods' outfit Saturday, from Nike's Al Gore Earthtones Collection, has my windbreaker-and-running-shorts look beat. Note to self: Get a sponsor before next golf date. Likely improvement: 4 strokes.

Hold a postgame press conference. This allows a golfer to bounce his self-analysis off other people. If they fall down laughing, he knows his excuses are unrealistic.

My own press conference would go like this:

Q: How do you explain shooting 116? A: I stepped in some mud and it yanked the sole off my shoe.

Q: Anything go right for you out there? A: The girl at the snack stand was kind of cute.

Q: What was working for you? A: My drives were so short, I couldn't reach the trees.

Likely improvement: 11 strokes.

Shape up. Woods derives his power from his broad shoulders and narrow waist. Note to self: Do 20 push-ups before next golf date. Likely improvement: 8.9 strokes.

Practice. As the Tigercam proves, Woods ventures onto the driving range every once in a while. This is something you and I can easily do. If the driving range is too much trouble, get one of those hollow plastic golf balls and hit it against the garage door for five minutes a day. Likely impact: 0.1 strokes.

Practice like that might not win you a sponsor, but it would scare the dickens out of the cat.