WATCH-O-RAMA THE HIGHLIGHTS AND LOWLIGHTS OF THE COMING TV WEEK.

Byline: David Kronke

``Murder Without Conviction''

(Hallmark Channel; 8 tonight)

Think: Crime-fighting, Led Zeppelin-quoting ex-nun (Megan Ward) investigates a 30-year-old murder with the encouragement of her mentor, Mother Joseph (Patty Duke).

Don't think: Representative logic: Neighbors just get around to protesting a sanitarium harboring a mentally troubled suspected murderer 30 years after the fact.

In a nutshell: Typically contrived potboiler; say two Hail Marys and instead watch ...

``The Inspector Lynley Mysteries III: Playing for the Ashes''

(KCET; 9 tonight)

Think: The privileged, erudite inspector (Nathaniel Parker) and his rumpled, modest partner (Sharon Small) return with four new cases; tonight the arson murder of a cricket player with a secret or two and violent animal-rights activists somehow manage to dovetail.

Don't think: ``There's a higher-than-average percentage of suicide in cricket,'' Lynley informs us; no doubt just among people forced to watch it.

In a nutshell: Elegantly and ingeniously constructed and finely acted drama.

``The Surreal Life''

(VH1; 10 tonight)

Think: Charo, Brigitte Nielsen, Flavor Flav and other kitschy has-beens and never-weres bunk down in a Hollywood Hills manse and spat mildly.

Don't think: Don't feel bad if you don't recognize the participants - neither does Flavor Flav.

In a nutshell: VH1 picked up this series after the WB dumped it, no doubt due to the fairly scuzzy fashion in which producers treat their ``stars.'' Alas, they're stuck with a fairly lame cast.

``How Clean Is Your House?''

(Lifetime; 11 p.m. Monday)

Think: Snooty Brits Kim Woodburn and Aggie MacKenzie, the Simon Cowells of hygiene, visit the homes of slobs and carry on like they're imprisoned at Abu Ghraib in this reality comedy.

Don't think: Kudos to the idiot homeowners who are so hungry for their 15 minutes that they'll happily reveal themselves as subhuman for America's amusement.

In a nutshell: Hard to say what's more disgusting - the dump the women tour or their self-amused, overwrought reactions.

``Frontline: Sacred Ground''

(KCET; 9 p.m. Tuesday)

Think: Rebuilding ground zero after 9-11 becomes a controversy in which architect Daniel Libeskind is enmeshed in this documentary.

Don't think: Thank heaven those giant tick-tack-toe buildings weren't chosen.

In a nutshell: Political and artistic agendas unfortunately clash in this absorbing and peculiarly affecting report.

``Pop Rocks''

(ABC Family; 8 p.m. Friday)

Think: Staid family man Jerry Harden (Gary Cole), former lead singer for a KISS-inspired rock band, tries to keep his group's reunion concert a secret from his loved ones. Complications, naturally, ensue.

Don't think: Gotta love a network called ABC Family airing a movie with jokes about drug abuse and hookers.

In a nutshell: Pretty cheesy gags; Cole is game but wasted.

``Film School''

(IFC; 10:30 p.m. Friday)

Think: ``Project Greenlight Jr.'' - four self-absorbed aspiring moviemakers create student films that will launch or end their careers.

Don't think: Cute cut-out animation seems inserted to imbue the proceedings with more pizazz than is actually there.

In a nutshell: Friday's episode is the requisite exposition-heavy show, with the obligatory drab and unrevealing thumbnail sketches of the participants. It's a little disjointed, too, but if you're patient it might pick up.

``The Batman''

(WB Channel 5; 9:30 a.m. Saturday)

Think: Bruce Wayne is a 20-something vigilante crime-fighter in the Caped Crusader's latest animated TV iteration.

Don't think: ``Matrix''-style martial-arts effects aren't nearly as impressive in a cartoon.

In a nutshell: So-so evocation of busting bad guys as an extreme sport for kids, but my step-daughters were offended by how ``ugly'' they thought Bruce was drawn. Earlier efforts were better.

``Controversy: Johnny Cash vs. Music Row''

(CMT; 8 p.m. Saturday and 2:30 p.m. Sept. 12)

Think: Why the Man in Black, who died a year ago, hated the country-music establishment, and how Rick Rubin rescued him from complacency and obscurity.

Don't think: Why is the word ``controversy'' in the title? It's pretty much a straightforward documentary.

In a nutshell: Choppy but heartfelt tribute to Cash. And props to CMT for slagging themselves for not airing Cash's video for ``Delia's Gone.''

``NOW With Bill Moyers: 9/11: For the Record''

(KCET; 9 p.m. Friday)

Think: Key moments of the 9/11 Commission's gripping, sobering report are re-created in this documentary.

Don't think: Quite a grim line connecting those twin punch lines, Bill Clinton's ``I did not have sex with that woman'' and Condoleezza Rice's ``I believe the title was 'Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States.' ''

In a nutshell: A cogent, clear-eyed look at how the unthinkable became something hanging over our heads every day.

David Kronke, [phone]

david.kronke(at)dailynews.com

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2 photos

Photo:

(1) ``THE BATMAN''

(2) ``POP ROCKS''