WATCH-O-RAMA THE HIGHLIGHTS AND LOWLIGHTS OF THE COMING TV WEEK.Byline: David Kronke ``Kept'' (VH1; 9 tonight) Think: Former Mick Jagger paramour par·a·mour n. A lover, especially one in an adulterous relationship. [Middle English, from par amour, by way of love, passionately, from Anglo-Norman : par, by Jerry Hall seeks a boy toy by disgracing 20- and 30-something contestants of a reality show ... Don't think: ... set in London, so it seems extra-classy. As evidenced by the teeny Teeny 1/16 or 0.0625 of one full point in price. Steenth. Speedos the guys are forced to wear for the first competition. In a nutshell: Given the show's cynical parameters, true love will certainly triumph. ``Stripsearch'' (VH1; 10 tonight) Think: Publicity-hungry men aspire to become Chippendales-style dancers. Don't think: This is the perfect example of why TV critics are paid salaries - because most people wouldn't watch this junk for any amount of money ... In a nutshell: ... except desperate women, who really should never be this desperate. ``Frederick Forsyth's ICON'' (Hallmark Channel; 7 p.m. Monday) Think: Patrick Swayze stars as a CIA CIA: see Central Intelligence Agency. (1) (Confidentiality Integrity Authentication) The three important concerns with regards to information security. Encryption is used to provide confidentiality (privacy, secrecy). attache ATTACHE. Connected with, attached to. This word is used to signify those persons who are attached to a foreign legation. An attache is a public minister within the meaning of the Act of April 30, 1790, s. 37, 1 Story's L. U. S. who must prevent a potential Russian despot (Patrick Bergin) from rising to power. Don't think: Swayze hasn't been this brilliant since ``Road House''! In a nutshell: OK production - who knew pomade pomade (pō·mādˑ), n a substance that comprises the fat that contains fragrant materials produced by enfleurage. was an available element in character development? - but a simplistic sim·plism n. The tendency to oversimplify an issue or a problem by ignoring complexities or complications. [French simplisme, from simple, simple, from Old French; see simple story, eh, comrade? ``The Life & Times of Juniper Lee'' (Cartoon Network; 7 p.m. Monday; thereafter, 7:30 p.m. Sundays) Think: An average 11-year-old Chinese-American girl saves the world from routine weird evil with the assistance of powers she must keep secret. Don't think: How much credence can you put into a show that begins with the phrase ``Magic is all around us''? Is magic all around us when VH1 does a lousy reality show or when Hallmark uncorks a generic drama? In a nutshell: It's intended as a comedy. Laudable for its politically correct politically correct Politically sensitive adjective Referring to language reflecting awareness and sensitivity to another person's physical, mental, cultural, or other disadvantages or deviations from a norm; a person is not mentally retarded, but diversity, if nothing else. ``Faith of My Fathers'' (A&E; 8 p.m. Monday) Think: John McCain, now a respected Arizona senator, suffered for five years in a Vietnamese prisoner-of-war camp. Now,for two hours, it's our turn. Don't think: Production of this film was announced four months ago, with no screenwriter or cast announced. Now, it's finished. Clearly, much care has been put into its production and its purple performances. In a nutshell: McCain's sacrifice to his country merits no end of respect. This film, not so much. ``Hell's Kitchen'' (Fox Channel 11; 9 p.m. Monday) Think: Gordon Ramsay, a master chef but miserable human being, tortures contestants aspiring to create a nice meal for ordinary folks. Ramsay, naturally, hates everyone and everything: He makes ``House'' look like a softie Short for "Microsoftie," a person who works for Microsoft. . Don't think: If I responded to Ramsay's performance in the same way he reacts to his charges' food, there'd be vomit all over this page. In a nutshell: This'd be a lot more convincing if we, the viewers, had a bite of what was prepared, rather than taking his apparently dubious word. Typical reality competition. ``Extraterrestrial'' (National Geographic; 9 p.m. Monday and Thursday) Think: These guys believe aliens exist. And that they come from solar systems circling red-dwarf stars. They explain why. Don't think: Cool special effects equals absolute proof. In a nutshell: Arguments you've no doubt heard before, backed by very pretty images. ``Steve McQueen: The Essence of Cool'' (Turner Classic Movies; 5 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. Wednesday, 6:30 p.m. Friday) Think: Hagiography hagiography Literature describing the lives of the saints. Christian hagiography includes stories of saintly monks, bishops, princes, and virgins, with accounts of their martyrdom and of the miracles connected with their relics, tombs, icons, or statues. for the infamously virile virile /vir·ile/ (vir´il) 1. masculine. 2. specifically, having male copulative power. vir·ile adj. 1. anti-hero anti-hero, principal character of a modern literary or dramatic work who lacks the attributes of the traditional protagonist or hero. The anti-hero's lack of courage, honesty, or grace, his weaknesses and confusion, often reflect modern man's ambivalence toward , marking the 75th anniversary of his birth and 25th anniversary of his death. Don't think: I count six hubcaps lost from one car during that ``Bullitt'' car chase. You? In a nutshell: Cool as this is, his films are even cooler: ``Bullitt'' follows at 6:30 p.m., ``The Cincinnati Kid'' at 10 p.m. More McQueen films continue Thursday and Friday night. ``Beauty & the Geek'' (WB Channel 5; 8 p.m. Wednesday) Think: Producer Ashton Kutcher's variation on ``Average Joe:'' Nerdy brainiacs and bimbo babes bump booties, seek true love, etc., on yet another reality show. Don't think: Oh, if only there had been a show like this when I was young! (Optimistically suggesting, of course, that I was so clever way back when - not that I wasn't, mind you.) In a nutshell: Not a bad idea, but not-so-insightful execution. ``Dan Finnerty & The Dan Band: I Am Woman'' (Bravo; 11 p.m. Thursday) Think: A guy sings a bunch of songs generally associated with female self-empowerment acts. Don't think: Watching Salt-n-Pepa, Bonnie Tyler and Janet Jackson doing their songs would be more fun. In a nutshell: A one-joke idea stretched out over a very long hour. ``Crimson Force'' (Sci Fi; 9 p.m. Saturday) Think: C. Thomas Howell Christopher Thomas Howell (born December 7, 1966 in Los Angeles, California, U.S.) is an American actor. He appeared in a minor role (credited as Tom Howell) in Steven Spielberg's E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982). pretends his career is still viable starring in this shlock shlock n. & adj. Slang Variant of schlock. Noun 1. shlock - merchandise that is shoddy or inferior dreck, schlock about Earthlings dropping in on Mars in the middle of a civil war. Don't think: My iBook can do better special effects. In a nutshell: An intentionally cheesy cheesy (che´ze) caseous. film. Do you dare reveal yourself as someone who has nothing better to do on Saturday evenings than watch admittedly awful films? David Kronke, (818) 713-3638 david.kronke(at)dailynews.com CAPTION(S): 2 photos Photo: (1) ``BEAUTY & THE GEEK'' (2) ``THE LIFE & TIMES OF JUNIPER LEE'' |
|
||||||||||||
Printer friendly
Cite/link
Email
Feedback
Reader Opinion