WATCH-O-RAMA THE HIGHLIGHTS AND LOWLIGHTS OF THE COMING TV WEEK.

Byline: David Kronke

``Cold Case''

(CBS Channel 2; 8 tonight)

Think: John Mellencamp figures into the crime Lilly (Kathryn Morris) investigates tonight. No, he didn't bump anyone off; his music serves as the episode's soundtrack.

Don't think: Setting the crime in the '80s kind of underscores how the singer-songwriter's career has gone as cold as the cases here since then.

In a nutshell: The story concerns a murder in a depressed area after the textile mills were shut down, a faux civics lesson disguised as a mystery.

``Locusts''

(CBS Channel 2; 9 tonight)

Think: Lucy Lawless (whose thespian chops have scarcely improved since ``Xena: Warrior Princess'') battles an army of really pesky cicadas who cause people to thrash their arms around hysterically (or, depending on the actor, unconvincingly). For those who prefer human drama, she also tangles with a whiny significant other.

Don't think: TV Turn-off Week begins Monday. Here's your last chance to revel in drivel before snapping off the tube.

In a nutshell: Or get an early start - stuff like this is why they had to create TV Turn-off Week in the first place. ``Do you have any idea how this could affect people's lives?'' a mildly perturbed Lawless banally intones. Precisely.

``Penn & Teller: Bulls---!''

(Showtime; 10 p.m. Monday)

Think: The comic magicians begin another season debunking myths, beginning tonight by bulldozing common perceptions about circumcision, which is performed, we're told, on 60 percent of American males.

Don't think: Asks a pregnant mother conflicted on the issue, ``Why is there so much drama about the whole penis thing?'' If we could answer that, we might be able to put an end to war.

In a nutshell: ``Where is Amnesty International?'' Penn Jillette demands. A perfect storm of practical information and uproariously puerile, family-unfriendly jokes.

``Eve''

(UPN Channel 13; 8:30 p.m. Tuesday)

Think: Shelly (Eve) and the gang get HIV tests.

Don't think: Each positive result will just ratchet up the show's hilarity quotient that much more.

In a nutshell: Blending a public-service announcement with sitcom quips may be a good idea in theory, but the bland PSA decidedly outweighs what passes for humor. Did we mention it's TV Turn-off Week?

``The Shield''

(FX; 10 p.m. Tuesday)

Think: Bad behavior gets Vic in trouble (again), while he's busy squeezing a corrupt colleague (Walter Goggins) who's also trapped in a drug dealer's (Anthony Alexander) vise. Meanwhile, Monica (Glenn Close), Claudette (CCH Pounder) and Dutch (Jay Karnes) investigate a gruesome foster-care home.

Don't think: Vic endangers the one relationship he needs - with Monica - while Dutch pursues one that'll irritate Vic even more.

In a nutshell: Typically tough, compulsively watchable episode, with raw, unaffected acting and moral quandaries all around.

``Bleep: Censoring Hollywood?''

(AMC; 10 p.m. Tuesday)

Think: The legal and ethical issues behind the unauthorized altering of films and TV shows is explored.

Don't think: I'm offended by self-righteous censors, but there's no option on my ClearPlay DVD player to remove them.

In a nutshell: On the other hand, can't parents decide what they watch with their children, as long as Hollywood gets paid? (The companies re-editing the films say they've paid for the reconfigured DVDs they sell). Doesn't it become a graver issue when people try to tell others what they can and cannot watch? A fair, thoughtful examination of an issue that may not be as cut-and-dried as some think.

``Bearing Witness''

(A&E; 9 p.m. Wednesday)

Think: Oscar-winning documentarian Barbara Kopple examines five female war correspondents in Iraq.

Don't think: As involving as the women's stories are, the grim stories they're in Iraq covering are more absorbing.

In a nutshell: Carries the same visceral yet contemplative impact of a similar film PBS offered awhile back, underscoring the courage and commitment required to trek unarmed into a war zone, as well as the psychic toll such work exacts.

``Warm Springs''

(HBO; 8:30 p.m. Saturday; time approximate after boxing. Also May 2, 8, 11, 17, 21 and 26.)

Think: Kenneth Branagh and Cynthia Nixon star as Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt in this drama about the president's battle with polio. Kathy Bates, Jane Alexander, David Paymer and Tim Blake Nelson co-star.

Don't think: FDR's mother (Alexander) declares early on with steely resolve, ``Why do you think men have mistresses? Duty - duty to one's family and to one's career,'' by way of insisting he and Eleanor remain married after his affair with Lucy Mercer (Melissa Ponzio) is revealed. The affair is not mentioned thereafter, though Mercer was with him at the Warm Springs spa when he died.

In a nutshell: Despite that bit of whitewashing, this is exemplary inspirational filmmaking from director Joseph Sargent and screenwriter Margaret Nagle, with excellent turns from Branagh and Nixon, whom you may not recognize as Eleanor.

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``LOCUSTS''