WATCH-O-RAMA HIGHLIGHTS AND LOWLIGHTS OF THE COMING TV WEEK.

Byline: David Kronke

``Smallpox''

(FX; 8 and 10 tonight)

Think: Faux documentary on a theoretical genocidal terrorist attack via a smallpox epidemic.

Don't think: Director Daniel Percival also has ``Dirty War,'' about terrorists detonating a dirty bomb in London, coming to HBO later this month. Just call him the First Horseman of the Apocalypse.

In a nutshell: Grim speculative fiction, delivered effectively and, given the overheated subject matter, in a surprisingly understated fashion.

``Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure''

(ABC Channel 7; 9 tonight)

Think: Pamela Reed and Alice Krige star in this docudrama about the notoriously stupid, cat-fighting, cliffhanger '80s prime-time soap.

Don't think: Isn't it NBC's job to mine ABC's old detritus (``Brady Bunch,'' ``Partridge Family,'' ``Charlie's Angels'') for kitschy TV flicks?

In a nutshell: Appropriately tacky, but viewers would likely prefer the current guilty pleasure that this is pre-empting, ``Desperate Housewives.''

``Welcome to Mars''

(KCET; 8 p.m. Tuesday)

Think: ``Nova'' documentary on Spirit and Opportunity, the NASA rovers sent to the Red Planet to divine whether it may have once contained water and, even, possibly, life.

Don't think: Why are there hugs all around each time there's an incremental breakthrough? Are scientists that lonely?

In a nutshell: Spends too much time milking last year's well-reported computer glitches on the rovers and scientists' ``Martian jet lag'' for melodrama and not enough on the images the rovers sent back, but it offers some interesting information on NASA's investigations.

``Committed''

(NBC Channel 4; 9:30 p.m. Tuesday)

Think: Whack jobs (Jennifer Finnigan, Josh Cooke) find love. She has a dying clown living in her apartment closet. Quipping ensues.

Don't think: You'd have to be crazy to seek out a relationship these days, so these two are perfect for each other.

In a nutshell: Finnigan has a freshly scrubbed appeal, but the show was clearly designed to be edgier, perhaps for cable. Its depictions of dementia are fairly sanitized. So it falls between two bar stools: Some will find the black comedy that remains unpleasant; others will think it doesn't go nearly far enough.

``The Road to Stardom With Missy Elliott''

(UPN Channel 13; 8 p.m. Wednesday)

Think: ``American Idol'' with street cred. Hip-hop and r&b wannabes compete for a record contract on the Grammy winner's vanity label.

Don't think: One of ``Idol's'' shortcomings - its reliance on schlocky cover tunes and reluctance to let its contestants write their own songs - is rectified here.

In a nutshell: Typical of its kind. But just to let you know, there's an Eminem manque from Alabama who goes by the moniker of Yelawolf.

``Do You Speak American?''

(KCET; 8 p.m. Wednesday)

Think: Robert MacNeil gets an all-expenses-paid trip around the U.S. to investigate, uh, how people speak. He discovers there are regional patois and slang.

Don't think: ``How we talk to one another defines who we are, and American English is as rich, diverse and lively as Americans themselves,'' is the sort of overly generalized and probably downright inaccurate statement that absolutely should not open a three-hour documentary. Oops.

In a nutshell: ``Linguistics for Dummies.''

``The Canterbury Tales''

(BBC America; 8 p.m. Saturday)

Think: Geoffrey Chaucer's 14th-century classic receives a contemporary rethink. This week, Julie Walters and Bill Nighy deconstruct the Wife of Bath as a show-biz parable.

Don't think: My English professor explicated this story as vaguely innocuously saucy, but nowhere near this naughty.

In a nutshell: Vaguely thematically faithful to Chaucer, but without the title most people would likely not even notice the similarities. It's kind of a high-brow way to wallow in bawdiness. Walters offers a very fun turn.

``The Will''

(CBS; 8 p.m. Saturday)

Think: ``Dynasty: The Reality Series.'' Bill Long, a 73-year-old Kansan patriarch, puts his entire inheritance up for grabs among a bunch of trashy, conniving family members and assorted gold-diggers (fearsome fourth wife Penny qualifies as both). Yes, it sounds like another one of those fake reality-show parodies, but ostensibly it's not.

Don't think: They say, ``Blood is thicker than water.'' Indeed, the ``blood'' here is unbelievably thick.

In a nutshell: You might reasonably conclude that the best-selling book ``What's the Matter With Kansas?'' is about this family. How did an otherwise successful guy surround himself with such reprehensible people? Southern Gothic at its most grotesque, but even those appalled by it - Penny may be the most evil reality-show contestant ever - might not be able to avoid rubbernecking.

``MI-5''

(A&E; 10 p.m. Saturday)

Think: The addictive British series on counterterrorism spies returns with Quinn (Matthew Macfadyen) accused of assassinating the chief of the Defense Staff. The CIA is implicated in his framing, but in the meantime the appropriately named Mace (Tom McInnerny) of the Joint Intelligence Committee moves to take control of MI-5.

Don't think: How can the British get so much done without a color-coded terror-level chart?

In a nutshell: Taut and mercilessly compelling - and brilliantly acted throughout. Some plot twists come off as heavy-handed. The remainder of the season looks to get even messier.

David Kronke, [phone]

david.kronke(at)dailynews.com

CAPTION(S):

photo

Photo:

``DYNASTY: THE MAKING OF A GUILTY PLEASURE''