VONNEGUT GOES TO THE MOVIES.

Byline: Rob Lowman Entertainment Editor

Hang around any creative-writing course, and you're bound to run into somebody trying to be another Kurt Vonnegut - thinking brevity and flip irony are a substitute for style and substance. It isn't that easy.

Capturing Vonnegut on screen can't be easy, either. Whatever you think of him as a novelist, Vonnegut clearly has his own distinctive, quirky form. His stories are rarely traditionally linear, relying instead on delicate rhythms and recurring, interconnected themes for their structure.

Which makes you wonder why anyone would try to adapt Vonnegut's ``Breakfast of Champions'' some 25 years after the dark, comic novel was published. Much of the material of the novel - the dysfunctional family, the insidious influence of advertising and the media on our psyche - has been covered to death since, with varying degrees of success.

But if anybody could try to translate Vonnegut's crazy-quilt vision to the screen, it would be Alan Rudolph, who has made such interesting and intelligent films as ``Welcome to L.A.'' ``Trouble in Mind,'' ``The Moderns'' and ``Afterglow.''

Like Vonnegut, Rudolph, who wrote and directed the film, possesses a quirky sensibility, but unfortunately he never quite makes ``Breakfast of Champions'' his own - and it shows. So what we get instead is a mismatched collection of scenes that never connect but occasionally wake you up with a bizarre moment or an interesting acting turn.

``Breakfast of Champions'' is the story of Dwayne Hoover (Bruce Willis), the owner of a wildly successful auto dealership in Midland City. Hoover is having an identity crisis, his image is everywhere - TV commercials, billboards, cutout posters - and people throughout the town seem to love and trust him. But Dwayne has no idea who he is or what his purpose in life is. And everything else in his life seems to be falling apart. His wife, Celia (Barbara Hershey), is blitzed out on pills and television, while his son (Lukas Haas) insists on being called Bunny and is pursuing a career as a lounge singer - complete with a glittery ensemble and cute rabbit slippers. His mistress and secretary, Francine, keeps talking to him like he's a bad boy and is angling for Dwayne to give her a fast-food franchise. Plus, the Environmental Protection Agency is investigating toxic wastes seeping up from the ground in a housing development Dwayne owns.

Hoover's second-in-command at the car dealership, Harry Le Sabre (Nick Nolte), is having his own crisis - he's afraid that Dwayne will find out he enjoys crossing-dressing, and his girlfriend (Vicki Lewis) is urging him to let it all hang out. Add to this the fact that a recently released inmate, named Wayne Hoober (Omar Epps), sees Dwayne as his salvation because their names are so similar and has camped out in the parking lot of the auto dealership.

Meanwhile, the town's wealthiest man, Eliot Rosewater (Ken Campbell), has invited the man he considers the world's greatest novelist, Kilgore Trout (Albert Finney), to speak at the local art fair, and the town is giving him the red-carpet treatment. Never mind the fact that the obscure, aging Trout has only been published in low-rent porn magazines, which Rosewater reads, and that the sci-fi writer is considered a crackpot.

Got it?

If you didn't, you're not alone. The filmmakers had trouble putting this together, too. By the end, you have no idea where Rudolph was going with any of this. And throwing in cheesy '60s-looking effects that resemble those antacid ads that show the inner workings of the stomach only adds to the bizarreness quotient while making the material seem dated.

Of course, it isn't every day you Nick Nolte running around in red stockings, high heels and a garter-belt. But then, is that something you want to see?

Give Nolte, Finney, Headly and Epps credit for throwing themselves into the roles and occasionally making this mishmash palatable, though. Just not digestible.

The Facts

The film: ``Breakfast of Champions'' (R; sexuality and language).

The stars: Bruce Willis, Albert Finney, Nick Nolte, Barbara Hersey, Glenne Headly, Lukas Haas, Omar Epps, Vicki Lewis and Ken Campbell.

Behind the scenes: Written and directed by Alan Rudolph. Based on a novel by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Music by Mark Isham with songs performed by Martin Denny. Produced by David Blocker and David Willis. Released by Hollywood Pictures.

Running time: One hour, 50 minutes.

Playing: General Cinema Avco in West Los Angeles, AMC Century 14 in Century City and Cineplex Beverly Center in West Hollywood.

Our rating: Two stars.

CAPTION(S):

Photo

PHOTO Bruce Willis is car dealer Dwayne Hoover, Midland City's most respected businessman, in ``Breakfast of Champions.''