VIDEO INVEST IN BOND AND REAP BIG RETURNS.

Byline: Rob Lowman Entertainment Editor

It's hard to watch any James Bond film, including the latest, ``Die Another Day,'' and not think of the scene in ``Austin Powers'' where Dr. Evil's son asks why the bad doctor just doesn't off Powers instead of putting him in a position to escape. Mike Myers and crew aren't the first to wonder this, but he did put it to great comic use.

``Die Another Day,'' which brings back Pierce Brosnan for his fourth turn as the debonair spy, has its share of those why-don't-they-just-kill- him moments. Luckily, it also has plenty of those moments that 007 fans love - fast cars, fast action, fast wit (usually in the form of double entendres) and, of course, fast women - this time with cool British spy Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike) and hot American spy Jinx (Oscar winner Halle Berry), plus a cameo by Madonna as a fencing master (she sings the theme song, too).

Things begin a bit grimmer this time out for Bond, who ends up in a North Korean prison and is believed to have blabbed to his Communist torturers, making him suspect to his British superiors. Have no fear; he soon makes it to sunny Cuba, where he watches Jinx emerge from the tropical waters a la Ursula Andress as Honey Rider in the first Bond film, ``Dr. No'' (1962). There are other self-references and jokes. Upon meeting Jinx, Bond tells her he is visiting Cuba to watch the birds (OK, bad joke), but one of the authors of the book he holds, ``A Field Guide to Birds of the West Indies,'' is James Bond. Supposedly, that Bond was a neighbor of Ian Fleming, the spy's creator, who used the name for the spy.

And of course there is a visit to the new Q (John Cleese), who has replaced the late Desmond Llewelyn as the gadget master who provides 007 with his high-tech armament and flashy auto. On this visit, some gadgets are on display from old Bond films, including a few from the Roger Moore-as-Bond era, which raises the question of who was the best 007. The consensus is usually Sean Connery, the first 007, but Brosnan is actually edgier - a bit of a ticking time bomb - without losing any of the spy's bravado or charm.

Brosnan and Pike are on one of the commentary tracks on the new two-disc DVD; director Lee Tamahori and producer Michael G. Wilson are on the other. There are also plenty of behind-the-scenes extras on the second disc that should please Bond fans. The bottom line is that Tamahori and Brosnan have turned out a top-notch Bond film. Maybe in the next 007 film there will be a real surprise - like knocking him off. But don't count on anyone killing the man with the golden box office.

``Die Another Day'' (MGM) lists for $29.98 on DVD.

Winning trio

Three major Oscar contenders - Roman Polanski's ``The Pianist,'' Pedro Almodovar's ``Talk to Her'' and Spike Jonze's ``Adaptation'' - have come out recently on DVD, and each of them would be in my top five films of last year, with ``Talk to Her'' being No. 1.

Directed by Spanish great Almodovar, ``Talk to Her'' brilliantly straddles that fine line between pathos and comedy. It is the story of two men. Benigno (Javier Camara) is a nurse who is in love with and takes care of a comatose woman, Alicia (Leonor Watling), who he had met briefly before her accident. Marco (Dario Grandinetti) is a travel writer whose girlfriend, Lydia (Rosario Flores), is a professional bullfighter. During a fight, she is gored and left in a coma, winding up in the same hospital as Alicia. Marco is haunted by the fact that he and Lydia had fought earlier in the day and that they were going to talk after the fight.

Benigno and Marco strike up a strange friendship. At first, Benigno seems oddly tranquil as he cares for Alicia, who had been an aspiring dancer. He washes her naked body and talks to her of what he has seen - such as a dance recital of a work by Pina Bausch, even bringing her an autographed poster. Marco, on the other hand, is almost guilt-ridden as he sits with Lydia - not because of what he has or hasn't done but more due to the fact that their relationship was unfinished.

Almodovar uses flashbacks to flesh out the story as events in the hospital unfold surprisingly. Trying to describe ``Talk to Her'' in a few words is a disservice. The director - who along with Geraldine Chaplin, who plays Alicia's dance teacher and does commentary on the DVD - is never in a hurry to rush to judgment or tie up loose ends. Yet watching ``Talk to Her'' is a sumptuous delight - colorful, humorous and moving, but moving in a way that lets the audience think about what it is feeling. It is rare today to see a film work on so many levels.

By the way, Almodovar's commentary is quite interesting, as you might expect, and ``Talk to Her'' includes a performance by Brazilian great Caetano Veloso, which for music fans is worth it alone.

Polanski's ``The Pianist'' offers a look at the Holocaust rarely seen. Rather than concentrating solely on the horrors committed by the Nazis, Polanski looks through the prism of survival in telling the true story of Polish classical pianist Wladyslaw Szpilman (best actor Oscar winner Adrien Brody). Szpilman was a popular radio performer in Poland when the Nazis invaded in 1939. First, he and his family were like other Jews forced to live in the Warsaw Ghetto. Then they were marched off to concentration camps. Szpilman - mirroring what happened to a young Polanski - was allowed by some sympathetic friends to escape from the line to the trains that were to take him and other Jews to the camps.

Until Warsaw was liberated by the Soviets in 1945, Szpilman survived mostly living in what were thought to be abandoned apartments. Through a window, he sees the destruction of the Warsaw Ghetto after the Jewish uprising and can do nothing but be silent or give himself away. Polanski (the Oscar-winning best director) understood the capricious nature of survival during that time, which you see in the grim, existential view of life that the director has presented in many of his films. What does Szpilman think as a Nazi officer executes every other person in a line he is in for no other reason than he seems to have felt like it? Is this some cosmic joke?

The pianist is no hero; he saves no one but himself in the end, going back to playing on Polish radio after the war. But the film isn't merely about good vs. evil - that is there, too, though, ironically, Szpilman owes his survival to a Nazi officer's kindness. Nor is it only about the transcendence of art - though that, ironically, saves Szpilman, too.

``The Pianist'' is a portrait of the grotesque and unexplainable nature of life during such terrible times. It's interesting to note that the term Holocaust was not used until many years after the event. Allied authorities would use euphemisms like ``displacement of the Jewish population.'' Even survivors taped in the months following the war would describe the horrors, but because they would, for the most part, be able to talk about only what they saw, they discussed it in narrow terms.

``The Pianist'' is very much like that, an untainted look at life amid horror.

Written by Charlie Kaufman, ``Adaptation'' is the tale of a fictional Charlie Kaufman (Oscar nominee Nicolas Cage) - also a screenwriter - and his brother Donald (also Cage), an aspiring screenwriter. The socially inept Charlie is filled with angst, while his vapid brother (a fictional character) has no problem getting women or coming up with inane ideas that appeal to inane movie executives.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that this story is going in a bizarre direction. When Charlie is given the assignment of adapting a real nonfiction book, ``The Orchid Thief''' by Susan Orleans, into a script, all of his anxieties bubble to the top. This is, of course, not helped by Donald gliding his way to success. Soon Orleans (Oscar nominee Meryl Streep) becomes a character - no, the real Orleans just took the check and has no connection to this Orleans. And the character she has written about, orchid thief John Laroche, wonderfully played by Oscar winner Chris Cooper, takes on a life of his own - just not his real one.

If all of this sleight-of-hand seems confusing, remember Kaufman teamed with director Jonze for another twist on reality, ``Being John Malkovich,'' and ``Adaptation'' likewise has its moments of brilliance. The ending, though, is up for debate. I heard people say it's perfect, others say it's rushed. For me, it was a bit long; the point had been made. Still, any film this entertaining and one that has an ending worth arguing over is worth seeing.

``Talk to Her'' (Columbia) lists for $26.95 on DVD.

``The Pianist'' (Universal) lists for $26.98 on DVD. It includes archival war footage and a featurette on the making of the film, ``Story of Survival.''

``Adaptation'' (Columbia) lists for $26.95 on DVD.

Rob Lowman, [phone]

robert.lowman(at)dailynews.com

CAPTION(S):

4 photos

Photo:

(1) PIERCE BROSNAN in ``Die Another Day''

(2) LEONOR WATLING, left, and ROSARIO FLORES in ``Talk to Her''

(3) ADRIEN BRODY in ``The Pianist''

(4) NICOLAS CAGE, left, and NICOLAS CAGE in ``Adaptation''