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Unblushable Bill.

"Hey Dubya. How ya doing? California here. You know, the Golden State. Big, long, lanky plot of land hugging the left coast. Not as big as Texas, mind you, but fairly large. Vastish, even. Remember us? We're the ones who sent you that nice fruit basket in the middle of December. Hope you enjoyed the grapes. A little nervous here. You can understand. Anyhow, thanks for agreeing to take this call. Hang on a sec while I preheat the hot tub.

"There. Sorry. Just ground some beans and made myself a double-decaf-no-fat-soy-milk latte.

"Now, if we may, let's get to the point here. Despite our surfer image, we're not totally dim. Obviously, our fifty-four electoral votes could have come in handy Verb 1. come in handy - be useful for a certain purpose
be - have the quality of being; (copula, used with an adjective or a predicate noun); "John is rich"; "This is not a good answer"
, making the whole Florida thing moot. Unfortunately, it was one of those things. Not meant to be. But just because we didn't vote for you doesn't mean we don't respect you as our true Commander in Chief. The time to put petty resentments aside is now. And the time to defrost de·frost  
v. de·frost·ed, de·frost·ing, de·frosts
1. To remove ice or frost from: defrosted the windshield.

2. To cause to thaw.

 the roast in the microwave is also now.

"Be right back, and I'll tell the kid to knock off to cease, as from work; to desist.
- De Quincey.

To force off by a blow or by beating.
To assign to a bidder at an auction, by a blow on the counter.
To leave off (work, etc.).

See also: Knock Knock Knock Knock
 the leaf blower A leaf blower is gardening tool that propels air out of a nozzle to move yard debris such as leaves. Leaf blowers are usually powered by two-stroke engine or an electric motor, but four-stroke engines were recently introduced to partially address air pollution concerns.  while I'm at it.

"We're back. Straight out? We have problems. To be honest, Mr. President Mr. President can refer to:
  • A male President
  • Mr. President (radio series), a radio series featuring episodes from the lives of the Presidents of the United States
  • Mr. President (TV series), a 1987 TV series starring George C. Scott
  • Mr.
, we're cold. Not Minnesota-ears-break-off-from-frostbite cold, but shorts are not a viable indoors option anymore, which for us is tantamount to being sentenced to North Dakota North Dakota, state in the N central United States. It is bordered by Minnesota, across the Red River of the North (E), South Dakota (S), Montana (W), and the Canadian provinces of Saskatchewan and Manitoba (N). . And we've got dark. Sudden dark. The worst kind. Imagine how you'd feel if your mother were on an elevator when, without warning, a rolling blackout Rolling blackout refers to an intentionally-engineered electrical power outage, caused by insufficient available resources to meet prevailing demand for electricity. For information about accidental blackouts that are not intentionally engineered, see power outage.  struck, and she was penned in there with Hillary Clinton for a couple of hours.

"Just think of us as a friendly new neighbor knocking on your door asking to borrow a couple of gigawatts of sugar. Maybe you could personally confab with Kenneth Lay Kenneth Lee "Ken" Lay (April 15, 1942 – July 5, 2006) was an American businessman, best known for his role in the widely-reported corruption scandal that led to the downfall of Enron Corporation. , chairman of Enron, and family friend. God knows, all it would take is a couple of kind words in his ear from you as a pal, and we could be back to wearing flip-flops and tank tops in no time. How `bout it? This isn't the Soviet Union. What's next, bread lines?

"And we're not talking gratis GRATIS. Without reward or consideration.
     2. When a bailee undertakes to perform some act or work gratis, he is answerable for his gross negligence, if any loss should be sustained in consequence of it; but a distinction exists between non-feasance and
, either. Perfectly willing and able to pay for whatever we can get. We just need something now. Whatever you can spare. Diesel fuel. A couple of tanks of propane. Government-issued Ronson's lighter fluid. Anything. You want to raise exhaust emissions? No problem. Drop a derrick smack dab in the middle of Gray Davis's forehead, for all we care.

"Well, that's enough yakking. Get back as soon as you can. Catch up with us on the cell."

Q: So, what's the deal with Bill?

A: Apparently the Republicans are trying to impeach To accuse; to charge a liability upon; to sue. To dispute, disparage, deny, or contradict; as in to impeach a judgment or decree, or impeach a witness; or as used in the rule that a jury cannot impeach its verdict.  him again.

Q: Can they do that?

A: They can certainly have fun trying. Think of it as essentially the same impeachment impeachment, formal accusation issued by a legislature against a public official charged with crime or other serious misconduct. In a looser sense the term is sometimes applied also to the trial by the legislature that may follow. , with a short intermission for some elections.

Q: Well, didn't he pardon felons?

A: Yes, of course he did. That's why they needed pardons. Because they were in jail. Besides, when you get right down to it, couldn't we all use a little pardoning now and then?

Q: But aren't people outraged by the sheer audacity of pardons-for-hire?

A: Oh, my God, lawyers being paid to lobby, what next? The Pacific Ocean moist?

Q: Shouldn't America be concerned with a guy like Marc Rich, who traded with the enemy?

A: You mean as opposed to Ronald Reagan, the President who traded with the enemy? And then Papa Bush goes and pardons Caspar Weinberger. And nobody said nothing.

Q: What about all the furniture and artwork Clinton swiped from the White House?

A: That's what happens when you leave a job. You strip the joint. It's a great American tradition.

Q: Don't you even think it's significant Roger Clinton had a list?

A: You mean, as opposed to a fixed address? Even his most strident detractors admit Roger wasn't paid, because apparently he's an idiot, and nobody on his list got pardoned. To be honest, I imagine folks came out of the woodwork like termites at an abandoned balsa wood Noun 1. balsa wood - strong lightweight wood of the balsa tree used especially for floats

Ochroma lagopus, balsa - forest tree of lowland Central America having a strong very light wood; used for making floats and rafts and in crafts
 factory trying to get their grubby little mitts on one of Unblushable Bill's endless supply of"Get Out of Jail Free" cards. Socks and Buddy had lists. I have a list. I can't get anybody to look at it, but I still have a list. And Heidi Fleiss heads it, if you must know.

Will Durst was recently kicked out of K-Mart for violating the dress code.
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Title Annotation:humor on energy crisis in California, and other topics
Author:Durst, Will
Publication:The Progressive
Article Type:Brief Article
Geographic Code:1U9CA
Date:Apr 1, 2001
Previous Article:Democrats Search for Their Soul.
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