UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE CAMPAIGN COULDN'T WE TAKE A BREAK BEFORE IT'S TIME TO PICK A NEW PRESIDENT?

Byline: Bridget Johnson

DIDN'T we just finish a presidential election?

Like addicts need detox, isn't there any rehab time between the end of one nasty, heated campaign and the beginning of the next nasty, heated campaign? Even serial killers have cooling-off periods, but evidently not politicians.

On every news show, in speeches to political groups and in coffee-shop conversation, chatter is turning to the 2008 presidential election. Will Hillary run? Who can beat Hillary? Dick Morris has the plan to defeat Hillary. How many times does Dick Cheney have to say he won't run until Bob Woodward believes him?

Online encyclopedia Wikipedia already has a rather extensive listing for the 2008 presidential elections, including fundraising timetables and potential candidates. Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., told radio host Don Imus, ``I'm going to proceed as if I'm going to run (in 2008).'' This was Dec. 8, 2004.

But can't we have at least a year free of '08 jockeying? Six months? A week? Please?

A countdown clock on one Web site is ticking off the days, hours, minutes and seconds until the next juggernaut. Farther down the home page, the site's host confesses, ``I am a political junkie who loves the horse race.'' The horses will drop dead on the track if they start the race now.

Still, the countdown clock is highly reminiscent of a time bomb, or the sinister nuclear warhead that Arnold Schwarzenegger or Bruce Willis would risk life and limb to defuse on the big screen.

The 527s and PACs never took a holiday after Bush was re-elected in November. Fundraising knows no time constraints. But apparently challenger Sen. John Kerry did take a holiday: Blogger Wonkette reported June 3 that Kerry had sent a thank-you e-mail to his staff and volunteers, albeit six months later. ``He remembers the little people; he just needs a little time,'' commented Wonkette.

Is it that we love picking a winner so much that we can't start analyzing the field soon enough? Pope John Paul II was still several years from death when theological pundits started predicting his successor. He was still alive when online betting pools joined in.

But whereas it was exciting to watch for the puff of white smoke coming from the Sistine Chapel, presidential elections are about seeing which bloody carcass can emerge from the political cockfight. If papal elections are guided by the Holy Spirit, presidential elections are guided by fat wads of cash from George Soros.

One-time presidential candidate Howard Dean is now having a screamin' good time as head of the Democratic National Committee, and that can't help but stir primary memories and desires. But what do you do if you were disappointed with the candidates on the 2004 ballot? Nominate your favorite to run the next time, of course, whether or not that person has said he or she wants to. Just remember to call your campaign headquarters an ``unofficial site.''

One Web site is championing Al Gore to occupy the Oval Office; on the GOP side, other sites are nominating Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. Yet another promotes the resurrection of Kerry, and there are sites pushing for Sen. Clinton and Barbara Boxer. Buy your campaign gear for Bill Frist in 2008 at an online store, or purchase Evan Bayh thong underwear (no joke). And it doesn't matter if your candidate's virtual presidential run is banned by the Constitution - a Web site is mounting a campaign to amend the document to let Schwarzenegger rule.

Give us a break until the next go-round. Give us time to focus on the little things in life, like action-packed police pursuits and Paris Hilton's upcoming nuptials.

There will be time for the mudslinging, back-stabbing and boredom - closer to 2008. Like in 2006, when midterm elections put 33 Senate seats on the ballot and 36 states will be holding gubernatorial races, including California.

But if you truly have an immediate, insatiable hankering for political drama, indulge in the European Union mess. Dutch and French voters nixed the constitution that, at more than 400 pages long, is the ``Les Miserables'' of politics. And fret not; we'll all be good and miserable here by 2008.