Two Superintendents, One Home.

Spouses confront agonizing logistics while establishing ground rules for dinner talk when both work as district superintendents

When Mary Ward was superintendent of the Ingram Independent School District in central Texas, she would occasionally encounter angry parents who were anxious to transfer their children out of neighboring Harper Independent School District into her school system.

Ward usually gave the parents a few minutes to air their grievances, which sometimes centered on the alleged foibles of the Harper superintendent, before gesturing to the picture of her husband sitting on her office desk and courteously telling her visitors she was sure "Mr. Ward" had his reasons for whatever action he had taken.

"Some people never did put us together," laughs Mary, who is, indeed, married to James D. Ward, the superintendent in Harper.

The Wards are one of a small, but intriguing phenomenon--superintendents who are married to superintendents. Nationally, The School Administrator has identified 27 such couples. (Dozens of other situations exist where one spouse formerly served as a superintendent.)

In some cases, the two met and married relatively early in their professional careers, when each was teaching or serving as a principal. They then moved up through the administrative ranks together, raising children along the way.

In other situations, they met later in life, often in graduate school pursuing doctorates, and now are in second marriages with blended families made up of grown children.

To be sure, these couples have much in common--stress and long hours on the job, for example--with other high-powered, professional couples working in two different fields. Yet superintendent couples often find themselves confronting rather unique challenges. Assuming they want to live together, each needs to land one of the relatively small number of superintendencies available in any given area. Subsequently, they may find themselves competing against each other for everything from winning the conference football championship or county spelling bee to hiring the most qualified teachers available locally. And, of course, everyone wants to know, "What do you talk about at night?"

Still, all those who were interviewed say the benefits of being married to another superintendent far outweigh the negatives.

Molly Helms, who never imagined being a superintendent, let alone also being married to one, thought it would be more difficult than it has turned out to be. "But my experience has been wonderful," says Helms, who runs the 996-student Pollock Pines School District in northern California, 12 miles from Placerville Union School District, where her husband, V. Donald Helms, is superintendent. "I'd endorse it heartily."

Too Much Togetherness?

So what's the reaction when people find out that Veronica Stalker, superintendent of the Waukee, Iowa, Community School District, is the wife of Chuck Stalker, superintendent of the Wellsburg-Steamboat Rock Community School District 90 miles away in Wellsburg, Iowa? "They're fascinated," she says. "They love to ask us about it."

But Tom McDonald, superintendent of Columbia School District 206 in Hunters, Wash., and Evergreen School District in Gifford, Wash., says people often are incredulous when he tells them that his wife, Pat, is superintendent of the neighboring Inchelium, Wash., School District. Search consultants, in particular, were dubious about the McDonalds finding two superintendencies in close proximity.

Is it possible for two such high-level public officials to experience too much togetherness? It is, say experts such as Catherine Chambliss, chair of the psychology department at Ursinus College in Collegeville, Pa., who has studied spousal relationships when both husband and wife work in the same field.

She says spouses who share the same career run the risk of having their personal lives eclipsed by professional issues. "You have to learn how to manage the times when you are fed up with the shop talk, the second guessing, the advice," says Chambliss, a psychologist married to a psychologist.

Jerry Cross, superintendent in the Conejo Valley Unified School District, and part of a husband-wife superintendent team in southern California, agrees that dual superintendent couples could easily fall into the trap of totally immersing themselves in school business. "The first 20 minutes or so after we get home, Gwen and I debrief," he says, referring to his wife, Gwen Gross, superintendent in the Ojai Unified School District. "Then we declare a timeout. Otherwise, it would be too much."

The Helmses, superintendents based in northern California, often have lengthy discussions about issues and problems associated with their jobs. "But there are times when one or both of us has had a bad day and we say, 'Let's not talk about it,"' says Molly Helms. "And on weekends we rarely discuss anything to do with school."

Even the Wards, who according to Mary, "talk shop all the time," reached the point not long ago where enough was enough. On a trip last summer to Canada, she says, "We established a ground rule that we wouldn't talk about school. And we didn't--for 10 days."

Dot Weber, who like her husband, Fred Schroeder, heads up a suburban Chicago school district, says it is not unusual to bring work home. "There's always more to do, so this job can become all-consuming," says Weber, superintendent of Glenview, Ill., Community School District 34. "And with two of you doing it, the demands multiply exponentially." Furthermore, with their four children grown and living on their own, she adds, "The temptation is there to take on yet another evening meeting."

Schroeder, who works in Park Ridge School District 64 in the same county, agrees. "Our jobs are fun, but also tremendously stressful. And it's bad enough when there's just one of you. You can't be in each other's business continually. Some things you should share ... some you should walk away from."

Built-In Support

The biggest benefit of being married to another superintendent, many say, is the opportunity to talk about situations and share concerns with someone who totally understands what his or her partner is experiencing. On that point, Chambliss, the psychologist, says: "Having part of your professional network under the same roof can facilitate problem-solving and be mutually beneficial."

The couples she has worked with who share the same professional issues "find it creates a real synergy and facilitates the growth of both (spouses') careers because they learn from each other," Chambliss says.

Adds Veronica Stalker, who's been a superintendent since 1994: "You can process, talk, celebrate, complain--all with someone who understands the issues you're dealing with and the ramifications of your decisions. You can think out loud and test out your ideas on each other."

Weber values such opportunities. "I think when two people love what they do and care for each other, it promotes the most rewarding type of conversations," she says. "When we explore ideas in a shared context, it brings a richness to the discussion that benefits us professionally and brings us together personally."

Even after 16 years as Illinois superintendents, Arnie and Pamela Witt say they still use each other as sounding boards. "My district (Hillside School District 93) could be in the middle of collective bargaining and I can ask Pam, 'Hey, how are you handling this?"' Arnie says. However, Pamela Witt, who heads up Frankfort School District 157-C, recalls the after-work conversations were much more intense in the early days of their superintendencies. "When we first started, it was a matter of who could tell who something first," she says.

Competitive Spirits

But is more serious competition a problem for superintendent couples? "That's something I worried about," admits Weber, who has nine years' experience as a superintendent, four more than her husband. However, like many of the other superintendents interviewed, Weber describes her relationship with Schroeder-with whom she has been married for 14 years-as far more collaborative than competitive.

Still, she remembers a number of years when they attended superintendent functions together-functions where he filled the role of the superintendent's spouse. "That could have been a problem, but he's always encouraged me to develop any talent I might have," Weber says. In fact, unbeknownst to Weber, her husband helped orchestrate her nomination as a candidate for Illinois Superintendent of the Year, an honor she won two years ago.

Sometimes the competition is district-based. Jim Ward tells the story about the day he learned that Harper School was being recognized by Texas officials as one of 18 exemplary "mentor" schools in the state. It wasn't until the Wards were out to dinner that night that he broke the news to Mary. "I told her we were one of the 18," he says, admitting that he was "kind of bragging." Mary didn't miss a beat. "She very calmly said, 'We were one of the other 17,"' recalls Jim.

The endings aren't always so happy, as Gwen and Jerry Gross found out the day both their districts asked voters to approve bond issues. The unexpected results included a victory for Gwen and her school board and a defeat for Jerry and his board. Although they weren't technically in competition with each other, Gwen recalls the outcome in her district as bittersweet. "I wanted to tiptoe into the house and say, 'I'm sorry."'

The McDonalds often find themselves locked in head-to-head competition. Their districts, in the same athletic conference, are arch rivals. "When we played football, we decided to walk out on the field and shake hands after the game, just like the players," says Pat McDonald. "There was quite a bit of laughter over that."

Dispensing Advice

Competition aside, giving and getting advice, even from the one you love, can be tricky. Jerry Gross says he found it helpful when confronted by a big decision to bounce ideas off of Gwen. "You and your wife are peers, you share a common bond, and she's there." Gwen agrees. "I'll say to him, 'This is what I'm thinking. Give me some feedback."'

In some cases, the superintendent spouses tend to seek out advice from each other in specific areas. Jim Ward most often asks Mary about instructional issues. Mary calls him on school construction matters. "Not that we always follow each other's advice," says Mary. "But we value each other's opinion."

Chuck Stalker points out that while he and Veronica frequently talk over problems, "We're both independent in our decision-making and have to take into account what will work in each of our districts."

Many of the couples spoke of different leadership styles. Sharon Hill, superintendent in Valmeyer Community Unit School District in western Illinois, says she is more collaborative than her husband, John, whom she describes as pro-active. That means her counsel on how to handle a problem might not work for her spouse, the superintendent of the East Richland district. She says she and John learned early in their marriage how much advice to give each other. Too much "can be irritating," she admits. "After all, it's much nicer when you're the only expert around."

Logistical Problems

Almost all superintendent couples seek jobs in close proximity to each other. This is a particularly big challenge in rural areas, where there are fewer and more far-flung school districts.

The Wards, who are among the longest-serving superintendent couples, have spent nearly two decades working in Texas school districts. Although all their moves have been related to Jim's employment, each offered Mary a chance to advance in her career as well. "She's so smart, she could get a job anywhere," Jim says.

Since January, the two have put their relationship to a new test. After nine years as superintendent in Ingram, Mary assumed the superintendent's job in Dripping Springs, Texas, 100 miles east of her husband's outpost in Harper. He will stay put until December when he plans to retire. "Then he can follow me for awhile," Mary quips.

The Wards say they've been luckier than some other superintendent couples in that they've always been able to find satisfying jobs near each other and never have had to live apart.

That's become the logistical challenge for Sharon and John Hill, the Illinois superintendents who live 200 miles apart on opposite sides of the state. (John's brother, Kenneth, is superintendent of the Nashville Community High School District, approximately halfway between Sharon and John.) Each lives in what Sharon calls "a little cabin" - hers on a pond in Valmeyer, just south of St. Louis on the Mississippi River and his on a lake in East Richland, not far from the Indiana border. Generally, it's John who makes the 2 1/4-hour commute each weekend.

The upside, he says, is that work is pretty much off-limits on Saturday and Sunday. "We kind of date on the weekends," he says, while admitting there's often a little school talk over dinner. "But it's not like we sit down and work on our Illinois State Learning Goals on Saturday night."

Then there's the case of the McDonalds, who work just 15 miles (and a ferry ride across the Columbia River) apart in adjacent school districts in Washington, but live in two separate houses. Under the arrangement, dictated by residency requirements in each district, the McDonalds take turns visiting each other.

But even superintendent couples who live in the same house in the same town say they don't actually see that much of each other, particularly during the work week. "We're both working 65-hour weeks and going in different directions most nights," says Dot Weber. One of her concerns: "What happens at retirement when we're together all the time ?"

Survival Techniques

Over the years, these couples have found ways to cope. The Wards try to have a home-cooked meal every Wednesday night. The fact that both the McDonalds attend school board meetings on the same night of the week is a plus. Because they can share travel time and hotel rooms at out-of-town meetings and conferences, many superintendent couples find such trips an ideal way to fulfill their professional responsibilities while spending time together. Beyond that, says Jim Ward, "our districts split the cost. What a bargain."

On the other hand, the Weber-Schroeder home has become a jungle of modern communications technology. It is equipped with three phone lines, two cell phones, two computers and a fax machine. And when the phone rings late at night or early in the morning, Weber says, laughing, "Each of us hopes it's for the other person."

That's a far cry from the early days of the Witts' marriage, when they shared a single phone--one constantly in use on snowy nights as both Pam and Arnie consulted with staff over the need to close schools. Although their districts were only 40 miles apart, they found they couldn't always make the same call. That's because Pam's district was located at the southern tip of Lake Michigan and sometimes received much more snow than Arnie's.

The Helmses, who live in the mountains of northern California, also deal with dueling decisions about weather-related school closings. "Her district is at the snowline and 2,000 feet higher than mine," says Don. "I seldom have to worry about snow, but I still wake up at five in the morning when her staff calls her."

As more women move up through the ranks and assume the superintendent's job, it's likely the number of superintendent couples will grow. "I expect it will get more prevalent," says Molly Helms, a superintendent for five years in California. "When you go to (superintendent) meetings and conferences you make lots of contacts and see many of the same people."

If the phenomenon indeed becomes more common, more and more superintendents will find themselves without the traditional "supportive spouse" -- generally a wife--that so many of their predecessors relied on to host school district events, contribute to bake sales or volunteer in the schools.

Says Pat McDonald, who has played both roles: "When you're a superintendent, too, your social obligations to his district are limited by your responsibilities to your own district. Now, if he needs cookies for the PTA bake sale, he's going to have to go out and buy them."

Priscilla Pardini is a free-lance education writer in Shorewood, Wis.

In Perfect Harmony, the Garcias Play a Symmetrical Hand

When Mary and George Garcia went looking for their first jobs as school superintendents some 12 years ago, they made a deal. As soon as one of them got a job, they would move together to that part of the country. Once there, the other would begin a local job hunt.

Just one problem. "We ended up getting offers on the same day, 400 miles apart," recalls Mary Garcia, superintendent of the Sunnyside, Ariz., Unified School District.

In spite of their informal agreement, the two ended up accepting both those jobs, thus beginning their careers as superintendents on the same day in 1987.

To apply perfect symmetry to their careers, the Garcias have announced they will both retire from their current positions on the same day this summer--June 29. George, superintendent of the Tucson Unified School District since 1991, plans to look for another full-time position, possibly in teaching at the university level, though he does not rule out another urban superintendency. Mary plans to do consulting and writing.

"It's been a lot of fun," says George of the years he and Mary have spent as a superintendent couple. "We both aspired to the same position and were able to make it happen."

Dual Investments

The two met when George, working for the Iowa Department of Education, visited a school in Davenport, Iowa, where Mary was an elementary school teacher. "I asked the principal to see the classroom of his best teacher, and he took me to Mary's," he says.

Married a few years later--a second marriage for each--the Garcias went on to complete doctoral degrees in educational administration. Along the way, they worked as school principals in Kansas City, Mo., and central-office administrators in Texas--he as a deputy superintendent in Brownsville and she as an assistant superintendent in Weslaco.

George's first superintendency took him back to Kansas City. Mary's landed her in Clinton, Iowa. With their five children grown, they bought a house in Kansas City and rented an apartment in Clinton. They invested in two of everything--from ironing boards to microwaves. And for four years they took turns commuting on weekends.

"It was fun, actually," Mary states. "Every other weekend we'd participate in events in each other's district."

Their gasoline bills were eclipsed only by their phone bills. They talked every day, sometimes about their jobs. But even in those early years as superintendents they rarely gave each other advice. "Mostly, we'd listen to each other," Mary says. "We each like to resolve our own issues."

In 1991, after deciding they wanted to be in one place, they made their next move--to Arizona, where George had been named the superintendent in Tucson. Several months later, Mary landed a job as deputy associate superintendent with the Arizona Department of Education in Phoenix, 120 miles north. This time, Mary did the commuting.

But within two years, Mary became associate superintendent in the Sunnyside Unified School District adjacent to Tucson, and for the first time in nine years, the couple was living and working in the same town, Mary was subsequently appointed interim superintendent and, in 1994, Sunnyside's superintendent.

Parallel Recognition

Known as Tucson's "education power couple," the Garcias share a commitment to urban education. "But we don't spend a lot of time talking about it at home," Mary insists. "Just long hours working at it," adds George.

They describe their leadership styles as decidedly different. "I'm more hands on," Mary explains. "I delegate more," responds George. That's partly a function of the size of their districts: 15,000 students in hers, 63,000 in his. Her accomplishments include increasing standardized test scores and promoting technology in the classroom. He is credited with strengthening ties between schools and local businesses and with implementing programs that have reduced minority dropout rates.

Their work has earned them accolades. The Pima Community College Foundation recognized them jointly in 1998 for their work as superintendents. That same year, George was named Arizona's Superintendent of the Year. The next year, Mary was named All-Arizona Superintendent for Large Districts. In 1997, George received the University of Arizona's Distinguished Community Service Award. Mary received the same honor in December.

When they aren't working, the Garcias like to travel and dance. They say the only disadvantage of being a superintendent couple is the logistical challenge that comes with career moves. They consider themselves fortunate to have been able to spend the last nine years in the same town. Says George: "Tucson has been good to us. We've been able to maintain our support and carry out our missions here for a relatively long period of time."

-- Priscilla Pardini

A Roster of Multiple-Superintendent Families

The School Administrator has attempted to compile a complete nationwide list of current school district superintendents who are related by marriage or birth.

They are listed below alphabetically in three categories: spouses, brothers and fathers and sons. We did not uncover any mother-child, father-daughter or sister-sister superintendencies.

Please let us know ([e-mail]) if you are aware of anyone we may have overlooked.

Husband-Wife Superintendents:

Mike Barry, superintendent, Dayton School District 8, Dayton, Ore., and Yvonne Katz, superintendent, Beaverton Public Schools, Beaverton, Ore. Terrell L. Donicht, superintendent, Twin Falls School District 411, Twin Falls, Idaho, and Candis R. Donicht, superintendent, Salmon School District, Salmon, Idaho

David H. Fuemmeler, superintendent, Nell Holcomb R-IV School District, Cape Girardeau, Mo., and Cheri A. Fuemmeler, superintendent, Oak Ridge R-VI School District, Oak Ridge, Mo.

George F. Garcia, superintendent, Tucson Unified School District 1, Tucson, Ariz., and Mary W. Garcia, superintendent, Sunnyside Unified School District 12, Tucson, Ariz.

Jerry C. Gross, superintendent, Conejo Valley Unified School District, Thousand Oaks, Calif., and Gwen Gross, superintendent, Ojai Unified School District, Ojai, Calif.

Hank Hanneken, superintendent, Fairfield Elementary School District, Fairfield, Ill., and Kathy Hanneken, superintendent, Jasper Elementary School District, Fairfield, Ill.

V. Donald Helms, superintendent, Placerville Union Elementary School District, Placerville, Calif., and Molly C. Helms, superintendent, Pollock Pines School District, Pollock Pines, Calif.

John Hill, superintendent, East Richland School District, Olney, Ill., and Sharon Hill, superintendent, Valmeyer Community Unit School District 3, Valmeyer, Ill.

Albert F. Inserra, superintendent, Port Washington Unified School District, Port Washington, N.Y., and Irene A. Nowell, superintendent, Remsenburg-Speonk Union Free School District, Remsenburg, N.Y.

Gerald W. Kohn, superintendent, Vineland Public Schools, Vineland, N.J., and Claire Sheff-Kohn, superintendent, Lawrence Township Public Schools, Lawrenceville, N.J.

Tom McDonald, superintendent, Columbia School District 206, Hunters, Wash., and Evergreen School District, Gifford, Wash., and Patricia McDonald, superintendent, Inchelium School District, Inchelium, Wash.

Frank McKinzie, superintendent, Oak Lawn Community High School District 229, Oak Lawn, Ill., and Gail McKinzie, superintendent, Indian Prairie School District 204, Naperville, Ill.

Victor C. Morella, superintendent, Gloucester County Institute of Technology, Sewell, N.J., and Barbara Morella, superintendent, Upper Deerfield Township School District, Seabrook, N.J.

Gordon D. Myers, superintendent, Garnett Unified School District 365, Garnett, Kan., and Susan Myers, superintendent, West Franklin Unified School District 287, Pomona, Kan.

Gene Newton, superintendent, Etiwanda Elementary School District, Etiwanda, Calif., and Irene Newton, superintendent, Rialto Unified School District, Rialto, Calif.

Ray Pelton, superintendent, Independent School District 317, Deer River, Minn., and Mary Helen Pelton, superintendent, Cass Lake-Beena School District, Cass Lake, Minn.

Barry E. Reed, superintendent, Cascade Union Elementary School District, Anderson, Calif., and Gretchen E. Hanson, superintendent, Gateway Unified School District, Redding, Calif.

Donald L. Roberts, superintendent, Effingham Community Unit School District, Effingham, Ill., and Barbara Roberts, superintendent, Stewardson-Strasburg School District 5-A, Strasburg, Ill.

Terry Robertson, superintendent, Astoria Community Unit School District 1, Astoria, Ill., and Schulyer County Community Union District 1, Rushville, Ill., and Diane Robertson, superintendent, Mendon Coinmnunity Unit School District 4, Mendon, Ill.

Peter Running, superintendent, Nordheim Independent School District, Nordheim, Texas, and Marian Running, superintendent, Wimberley Independent School District, Wimberley, Texas

Fred C. Schroeder, superintendent, Park Ridge School District 64, Park Ridge, Ill., and Dorothy M. Weber, superintendent, Glenview Community School District 34, Glenview, Ill.

Roland Smit, superintendent, Mobridge School District, Mobridge, S.D., and Susan Smit, superintendent, Smee School District, Wakpala, S.D.

Charles R. Stalker, superintendent, Wellsburg-Steamboat Rock Community School District, Wellsburg, Iowa, and Veronica G. Stalker, superintendent, Waukee Community School District, Waukee, Iowa

Larry Sullivan, superintendent, Texarkana Independent School District, Texarkana, Texas, and Rosanne Stripling, superintendent, Waco Independent School District, Waco, Texas

James D. Ward, superintendent, Harper Independent School District, Harper, Texas, and Mary E. Ward, superintendent, Dripping Springs School District, Dripping Springs, Texas

Arnold A. Witt, superintendent, Hillside School District 93, Hillside, Ill., and Pamela L. Witt, superintendent, Frankfort School District 157C, Frankfort, Ill.

Glenn Zehner, executive director, Capital Area Intermediate Unit 15, Summerdale, Pa., and Marsha Zehner, superintendent, Annville-Cleona School District, Annville, Pa.

Sibling Superintendents:

David Benson, superintendent, Blue Valley Unified School District 229, Overland Park, Kan., and John Benson, superintendent, Parsons Unified School District 503, Parsons, Kan.

Richard L. Christie, superintendent, Council Bluffs School District, Council Bluffs, Iowa, and Terry L. Christie, superintendent, Jesup Community Schools, Jesup, Iowa

Anthony Costello, superintendent, Garnet Valley School District, Glen Mills, Pa., and Vincent Costello, superintendent, Interboro School District, Prospect Park, Pa.

Dale Crozier, superintendent, Midland Community Schools, Wyoming, Iowa, and Dan Crozier, superintendent, Cass Public Schools, Anita, Iowa

Billy K. Floyd, superintendent, Lexington School District 2, West Columbia, S.C., and Chester Floyd, superintendent, Berkeley County Schools, Moncks Corner, S.C.

John Hill, superintendent, East Rich-land School District, Olney, Ill., and Kenneth Hill, superintendent, Nashville Community High School District, Nashville, Ill.

Jack W. McLaughlin Jr., superintendent, Berkeley Unified School District, Berkeley, Calif., and Michael J. McLaughlin, superintendent, Redding School District, Redding, Calif.

John E. Pendley, superintendent, Columbia Union School District, Columbia, Calif., and Philip Pendley, superintendent, Chawanakee Joint School District and Minarets Joint Union High School District, North Fork, Calif.

Charles Perotti, superintendent, Milpitas Unified School District, Milpitas, Calif., and Paul Perotti, superintendent, Santa Clara Unified School District, Santa Clara, Calif.

Bill Roederer, superintendent, Remsen-Union Community Schools, Remsen, Iowa, and John Roederer, superintendent, Henry Public Schools, Mount Pleasant, Iowa 

Craig Scott, superintendent, Harlan Community Schools, Harlan, Iowa, and Doyle Scott, superintendent, East Marshall Community Schools, Gilman, Iowa

Howard Sosne, superintendent, Pitt County Public Schools, Greenville, N.C., and Marc Sosne, superintendent, Pender County Public Schools, Burgaw, N.C.

Gerald V. Toscano, superintendent, Somers Point School District, Somers Point, N.J., and Michael P. Toscano, superintendent, Clearview Regional High School District, Mullica Hill, N.J.

Gary Wimmer, superintendent, Jay-hawk Unified School District 346, Mound City, Kan., and Ron Wimmer, superintendent, Olathe Unified School District 233, Olathe, Kan.

Father-Son Superintendents:

Gerald Beck, superintendent, Howard School District, Howard, S.D., and Bo Beck, superintendent, Midland School District, Midland, S.D.

Daniel Bird, superintendent, Fruirport Community Schools, Fruitport, Mich., and Patrick Bird, superintendent, Richmond Community Schools, Richmond, Mich.

William L. Hakonson, superintendent, Wisner-Pilger Schools, Wisner, Neb., and John Hakonson, superintendent, Blue Hill School District 74, Blue Hill, Neb.