Troubletown.WHEN A WELL-CONNECTED GOVERNMENT CONTRACTOR A government contractor is a private company that produces goods or services under contract for the government. Often the terms of the contract specify cost plus – i.e., the contractor gets paid for its costs, plus a specified profit margin. UNVEILED THE PUNCH CARD A storage medium made of thin cardboard stock that holds data as patterns of punched holes. Each of the 80 or 96 columns holds one character. The holes are punched by a keypunch machine or card punch peripheral and are fed into the computer by a card reader. VOTE-O-MATIC AT THE 1963 WORLD'S FAIR world's fair: see exposition. world's fair Specially constructed attraction showcasing the science, technology, and culture of participating countries and enterprises. , IT WAS A MIRACLE OF TECHNOLOGY! BY THE YEAR 2000... PUNCH CARDS WILL AFFECT EVERY ASPECT OF OUR LIVES. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] IT TOOK OVER THIRTY YEARS AND A BOTCHED botch tr.v. botched, botch·ing, botch·es 1. To ruin through clumsiness. 2. To make or perform clumsily; bungle. 3. To repair or mend clumsily. n. 1. ELECTION FOR US TO FIND OUT THAT THE PERFORMANCE OF THESE MACHINES IS PATHETIC! I WARNED YOU THAT THEY SUCK, BUT EVERY TIME I WAS TOLD TO STOP WHINING. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] ALL THESE YEARS WE'VE BEEN POKING THOSE STUPID THINGS AND PROBABLY HALF THE TIME OUR VOTES WEREN'T EVEN TALLIED! HERE'S ONE FOR MY MAN, DUKAKIS! OLD VERN'S CARD IS NEVER PUNCHED RIGHT! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] MAYBE OUR NATION'S VOTER TURNOUT ISN'T SO ABYSMALLY LOW AFTER ALL--IT'S JUST ALL THE VOTES THAT ARE THROWN AWAY! WE MUST'VE HAD 110% TURNOUT, INCLUDING DEAD PEOPLE. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] IRONICALLY, IT WAS NOT THE VOTE-O-MATIC THAT CAUSED THE OUTCOME IN FLORIDA--IT WAS THE AUTO-AFRO-FELONIZER. AUTOMATICALLY DROPS NEGROES FROM THE ROLLS AT THE TOUCH OF A BUTTON, JEB JEB Journal of Experimental Biology JEB James Ewell Brown (Stuart, Confederate general) JEB John Ellis Bush JEB Java-Enabled Browser JEB Janssen Engineering Building (University of Idaho) . [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] BUT NOT TO WORRY--A WEL-CONNECTED CONTRACTOR WILL SOON HAVE TOUCH-SCREEN VOTING INSTALLED IN ALL PRECINTS! YOU CAN TRUST IT BECAUSE COMPUTERS ARE IMMUNE FROM TAMPERING OR MALFUNCTION. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] |
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