Troubletown.STEVE CASE RESIGNED AS THE CHAIRMAN OF AOL (A division of Time Warner, Inc., New York, NY, www.aol.com) The world's largest online information service with access to the Internet, e-mail, chat rooms and a variety of databases and services. TIME WARNER, THIS IS IT! THIS IS DEFINITELY IT! THE STOCK MARKET HAS HIT ROCK BOTTOM! IT'S THE PERFECT TIME TO BUY! WHO SAYS? WHO SAYS? UH, ALL THE ANALYSTS, INSIDERS, EXPERTS ... THEN I DON'T BELIEVE IT! YOU'RE THE ONES WHO SCREWED ME THE FIRST TIME! BECAUSE I INVESTED, MY SON CAN'T AFFORD TO ATTEND A STATE COLLEGE! I'M SO SORRY. LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU. I CAN PUT YOU INTO SOME SHORT-YIELD HIGH-GROWTH LONG BONDS AT AN AMAZING DISCOUNT! NO THANK YOU! IF YOU SAW A STORE WITH SIGNS SAYING "EVERYTHING 90% OFF," YOU'D GO SHOPPING, WOULDN'T YOU? ASSUMING I WASN'T PENNILESS pen·ni·less adj. 1. Entirely without money. 2. Very poor. See Synonyms at poor. pen  ni·less·ly adv. . IN CASE YOU'RE STILL WORRYING ABOUT THE SCANDALS, LOOK, HERE ARE CEOS Ceos, Greece: see Kéa. BEING TAKEN AWAY IN HANDCUFFS hand·cuff n. A restraining device consisting of a pair of strong, connected hoops that can be tightened and locked about the wrists and used on one or both arms of a prisoner in custody; a manacle. Often used in the plural. tr.v. ! I'VE SEEN THAT SAME FOOTAGE 100 TIMES! I BELIEVE THOSE ARE ACTORS! IT'S A SCAM AND I'M NOT BUYING IT! 5 MINUTES LATER AT AN ARMY RECRUITING OFFICE: THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE YOU'LL NEVER SEE ACTIVE DUTY, AND "GULF WAR SYNDROME Gulf War syndrome, popular name for a variety of ailments experienced by veterans after the Persian Gulf War. Symptoms reported include nausea, cramps, rashes, short-term memory loss, fatigue, difficulty in breathing, headaches, joint and muscle pain, and birth " WON'T BE A PROBLEM THIS TIME ... [ILLUSTRATIONS OMITTED] |
|
||||||||||||||
Printer friendly
Cite/link
Email
Feedback
Reader Opinion