Time to stop pretending: the West's views on sexual morality are out of step with the rest of the world's, maintains Joanna Bogle. (Living Issues).

It's time we got some honesty and integrity back into the debate about human relationships. All my adult life, I've heard the message that those who oppose sexual activity outside of marriage are narrow-minded, bigoted, even dangerous.

Just recently, I've seen my Church banned from taking part in an international conference on Aids, because the Catholic Church's successful experience in using the message of sexual abstinence was hugely disliked by the rich, Western nations. One thing which has clearly emerged from the African Aids tragedy is that the slogan of `safe sex' can send out the message that casual sexual encounters are fine--so long as you use a condom.

In some places, however, the message--and the consequences--have been different. In some rural areas the Church is the sole provider of health care, and can speak without being drowned out by others. Here the Christian message, that the only `safe sex' is sex within the lifelong and faithful bond of marriage, has saved lives.

Tragically, these facts are not acceptable to many in the West. We want to hear that condoms work in Africa, because we want to have our own ideas on sexual freedom confirmed. But while here in Britain any link between sexual morality and religious belief is seen as narrow-minded and dangerous, out there in the wider world people who belong to some of the world's great religions are finding a common voice in defence of human and moral values in the areas of sex and family life.

One reason why the Islamic world so distrusts the West is that it sees us as decadent, crude and sex-obsessed. It sees us as having ideas which denigrate marriage and family traditions. If we were to open our ears and minds to the message that sexual abstinence should be the norm for the teenage years, that virginity is something to be cherished and not denigrated, that there is a meaning and order in the Creator's plans for the human race--then we might be seen as people for whom the faithful of Islam could have some respect.

At a United Nations conference, I saw and heard representatives of the Vatican, the Islamic world and of the poorer developing nations sharing common views on issues connected with purity, marriage and family life. Suddenly the representatives of the European Union and of America looked like ageing, self-obsessed people with no culture and no faith in themselves.

We in the West need to be humbler and to listen to the voices pointing out uncomfortable truths: that giving teenagers contraceptives has resulted in a rise, not a fall, in the teenage pregnancy rate; that we publish teenage magazines of unbelievable crudity; that some of what passes as `sex education' is voyeuristic and dishonest.

We should stop pretending that this is the 1970s and that casual sex is something new and fun. We should learn from the sorrow of so many broken marriages, the sickening figures for teenage venereal disease, the vast numbers of children growing up fatherless. Instead of teaching children that sexual activity is normal from puberty onwards, we should explain what all our ancestors knew--that sexual union really only finds its true meaning and purpose in the lifelong union of marriage between a man and a woman.

It is also worth teaching that sexual love is only one sort of love, and that there are other sorts: love between parents and children, grandparents and grandchildren, love of country, love of God, love between friends, among uncles and aunts and cousins, nephews and nieces, godchildren and godparents. It's time to rediscover some of the age-old truths without which no human society can survive, let alone flourish.

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