Thoughts on growing old: in my 80s and still going strong.

The term old age (when used derogatorily) is a nonsense concept. Being old does not make somthing bad, useless, or decrepit. Old age should connote mellowness and maturity. It should bring intelligence and understanding, and be synonymous with compassion and love.

Old age should be a stage of life when you have accumulated enough experience to become the master over stress, the participant of pleasure and the slave to joy and beauty.

When are we old? Old is a relative term. If we're old now, next year we'll be older, and the year following, older still. So when do we become old?

The government decrees that we're old when we receive our retirement checks. Science says we're old when our muscles lose their tone. Our children accuse us of being old when we refuse to play ball in the backyard. Our spouses charge us with being old when we decline to go out on the town. So I'd rather say we become older with each succeeding year, but not old.

If someone marvels at the youthful condition of your body or enjoys the sparkle of your wit or your vital response to life and asks you the dumb question "How old are you?" you could answer with: "Well, my interest in astronomy was born last week. My tolerance of allergies is at its peak. My calcium-filled bones are not yet fossilized. My heart has found true love. My blood has been rejuvenated by a transfusion. My face has been uplifted in the doctor's office, and my curiosity for many subjects is yet unborn. Now, how old do you think I am? Better still, how old are you?"

Do you date yourself? The wrinkles will inevitably appear. Diminution of our physical stength and energy cannot be evaded. But you will be judged as being old by what you say, what you do, and who you are.

If you're constantly referring to the "good old days," then you must be old. If you're always telling people how things were done when you were young, then obviously you're young no more. Beware of saying things that date you. I used to enjoy telling people that I went to school with Jesse Owens, the famous track star. That small claim to fame was neither youthful or vital.

Avoid doing things associated with "old" people, such as rocking in your rocking chair when company arrives. Hide the chair in the attic!

Don't groan when sitting down or standing up. I agree that it seems to alleviate the pain in the joints, but try not to groan audibly. Groans and moans merely say that we're imprisoned in an old body. Don't let the old vehicle control the young spirit, the vital mind, the youthful passenger.

Avoid focusing on terminal activities--reading obituaries, making funeral arrangements, preparing wills. Complete the preparations for death, set them aside, and forget them.

When we were younger, we rarely read death notices; we read the comics and poetry. We were doing pleasurable things with young, vital, happy people. We were on the way up to the crest of our lives. Let's never go down. Continue to prepare for life, not death, by becoming more educated, making more friends, doing new things.

Let go. Give up your old hang-ups and grudges. They just make the begudger miserable. Make peace with your past and reestablish a relationship. If you can see both the good and bad in something or someone, then accentuate the positive. We like to receive, but hesitate to give. Be a giver, like lovers--the whole world loves them.

A few pitfalls to avoid:

1. Don't give advice. The wise don't need it, and the fools won't heed it.

2. Stop saving string, bags, papers, and the million things that "old" people save. It just clutters up your home and your life. If you haven't used it during the past 12 months, get rid of it.

3. When friends casually ask "Hi, how are you?" don't go into a clinical analysis of your ailments. They really don't want to hear it. That's why they cross the street when they see you coming.

4. After three marriages, give up and remain single. You've run out of good excuses, and people won't believe you anymore.

If you pay attention to these few rules you may not live in this life forever, but at least you'll never say "It's too bad that youth is wasted on the young!"