Things Catholics count.

When Catholics were young in the old days, they counted things. And then they remembered for the rest of their lives the things that they had counted when they were young. Catholics no longer do this. Here, therefore, for the benefit of modern Catholics are the things that we used to count.

ONE God. We believe in one God.

TWO Natures in Christ. In Christ there are two natures, the human and the divine. This is called the "Hypostatic Union", because the Greek word for "nature" is "hypostasis".

THREE Persons in the Trinity. In the Trinity there are three persons: Father, Son, and Spirit. Each person is God, and there is only one God. We do not try to explain this.

THREE theological virtues. The theological virtues are Faith, Hope, and Charity. They are called "theological" because they relate immediately to God.

THREE eminent good works. The three eminent good works are prayer, fasting, and giving alms to the poor.

THREE evangelical counsels. The evangelical counsels are Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience. "Chastity" here has the special meaning of permanent celibacy or virginity for the sake of Jesus.

FOUR last things to be remembered. The four last things are Death, Judgement, Hell, and Heaven.

FOUR Cardinal Virtues. They are Prudence, Justice, Fortitude, and Temperance. "Cardinal" comes from the Latin word for "hinge". The cardinal virtues are, so to speak, the hinges upon which all other virtues turn.

FOUR sins crying to heaven for vengeance. The four sins crying to heaven for vengeance are: 1) Murder, 2) The Sin of Sodom, 3) Oppression of the poor, and 4) Defrauding workers of their wages.

FIVE precepts of the Church. A different version of the following. See for example Catechism of the Catholic Church 2041-3.

SIX precepts of the Church. Also known as "Commandments of the Church." In the English-speaking tradition the six precepts of the Church are:

1) To keep Sundays and holy days of obligation holy by attending Mass and resting from work.

2) To fast and abstain on the appointed days.

3) To go to confession at least once a year.

4) To receive Holy Communion at least once a year, during the Easter season.

5) To contribute to the support of one's pastor.

6) Not to marry in a way prohibited by Canon Law.

Notes: In Canada, the only remaining holy days of obligation are Christmas, and the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God, on New Year's Day. "Fast" means "eat little". "Abstain" means "not eat meat". The appointed days are Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. The sixth precept requires us to conform to Church law regarding matrimony. For example: we must not marry a close cousin; we must marry in a public manner with witnesses; we must marry within the Church, and so forth.

SIX sins against the Holy Spirit. They are: 1) Presumption, 2) Despair, 3) Resisting the truth, 4) envy of the spiritual good of another person, 5) Obstinacy in sin, and 6) Final impenitence.

SEVEN spiritual works of mercy. The spiritual works of mercy are: 1) to convert the sinner, 2) to instruct the ignorant, 3) to counsel the doubtful, 4) to comfort the sorrowful, 5) to bear wrongs patiently, 6) to forgive injuries, and 7) to pray for the living and the dead.

SEVEN corporal works of mercy. The corporal works of mercy are 1) to feed the hungry, 2) to give drink to the thirsty, 3) to clothe the naked, 4) to house the homeless, 5) to visit the sick, 6) to visit the prisoner, and 7) to bury the dead.

SEVEN capital sins. The seven capital sins are 1) Pride, 2) Covetousness (avarice), 3) Lust, 4) Anger, 5) Gluttony, 6) Envy, and 7) Sloth. They are called "capital" because all other sins derive from them.

SEVEN capital virtues. They are respectively opposite to the capital sins. Thus 1) Humility, 2) Generosity, 3) Chastity, 4) Meekness, 5) Temperance, 6) Fraternal love, and 7) Diligence.

SEVEN gifts of the Holy Spirit. The gifts of the Holy Spirit are: 1) Wisdom, 2) Understanding, 3) Counsel, 4) Fortitude, 5) Knowledge, 6) Piety, and 7) Fear of the Lord.

There are also Eight Beatitudes, Ten Commandments, Twelve Apostles, Twelve Fruits of the Holy Spirit, and Twenty-one Ecumenical Councils. But that's enough for one day. And by the way, our days are also numbered.

Hugh Ballantyne lives in Fergus, ON

The atheist

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least hundred feet into the air. The monster then opened its mouth while waiting below to swallow man and boat.

As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast he cried out "Oh, my God! Help me!" Suddenly, the scene froze in place. As the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out o the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!" "God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded "Jus seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

"Well," said God, "now that you are a believer you must understand that I won't work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts. What would you have me do?"

The atheist thinks for a minute and then says, "God please have the Loch Ness Monster believe in You also." God replies, "So be it."

The scene starts in motion again with the atheist falling towards the ravenous jaws of the ferocious beast.

Then the Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says, "Lord, bless this food You have so graciously provided....."

Received from Dennis & Teresa Buonafede of Toronto