The world's best jokes.Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot parrot, common name for members of the order Psittaciformes, comprising 315 species of colorful birds, pantropical in distribution, including the parakeet. Parrots have large heads and short necks, strong feet with two toes in front and two in back (facilitating ? A: A carrot carrot, common name for some members of the Umbelliferae, a family (also called the parsley family) of chiefly biennial or perennial herbs of north temperate regions. . --Bill Coonan Q: What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor? A: Make me one with everything! --Chris Findley Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7? A: Because 7, 8, 9. --Teresa Soule The Bushes and Clintons on a Train George and Laura Bush and Bill and Hillary Clinton are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station George and Laura each buy a ticket and watch as Bill and Hillary buy just one ticket. "How are the two of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks George W, astonished a·ston·ish tr.v. as·ton·ished, as·ton·ish·ing, as·ton·ish·es To fill with sudden wonder or amazement. See Synonyms at surprise. at what he is seeing. "Watch and learn," answers Hillary. They all board the train. George and Laura take their respective seats but Bill and Hillary cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor conductor Any of various substances that allow the flow of electric current or thermal energy. A conductor is a poor insulator because it has a low resistance to such flow. comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.... The conductor takes it and moves on. The Bushes see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after the game they decide to try a similar plan on the return trip. When they get to the station, they see the Clintons at the window buying a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Clintons see that the Bushes don't buy any tickets at all. "Aren't you taking a terrible chance by traveling without a ticket?" says Hillary. "Watch and learn," answers Laura Bush. When they board the train, the Bushes cram themselves into a toilet and the Clintons cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train leaves the station, George W. leaves their toilet and walks over to the Clinton's toilet, knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please." --Mark Vanderhoff So ... I a dyslexic dys·lex·ic or dys·lec·tic adj. Of or relating to dyslexia. n. A person affected by dyslexia. walks into a bra.... --Travis Medford Q: What is brown and sticky Refers to an application or service that keeps you on a Web site. For example, stock quotes, glossaries, educational material, chat rooms and similar offerings give you reason to remain on the site, while it allows the company to show you more ads or proprietary messages. ? A: A stick. --Mary Long Q: What does a snail snail, name commonly used for a gastropod mollusk with a shell. Included in the thousands of species are terrestrial, freshwater, and marine forms. Some eat both plant and animal matter; others eat only one type of food. say when it is riding on a turtle's back? A: Yee-ha!!!! --Eric Soule Q: Why didn't the Buddhist vacuum under his bed? A: Because he lacked attachments. --Swami Shamananda We think these jokes are the best! If you've got one that's better (or just as good), email it to submissions@newlifejournal.com. |
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