The stitches.

"DO YOU GUYS SKATE?" THAT'S THE QUESTION I'M HAUNTED with every time I conduct a rock interview for this blasted skateboard rag. To some extent, yes, I am interested as to whether or not the bassist of Dung Heap can Smith a rail or whether the cats in Blood Sausage are heavy pool dogs. More often than not however, the "Do you skate?" question is answered with something a bit on the lack-luster side like "Oh yeah, I used to skate," or the even worse "I used to rip back in '85" spiel. I've had people tell me all about their bitchen set-up from their middle school days, but when asked if they're still skating, I seem to get a lot of "Nawws" or "Just to the liquor store" type answers. Very rare indeed is it to find a band that actually has within its ranks guys that skate on a regular basis. I guess the fear of breaking a wrist and not being able to wield the axe for the crowd is very real for some of these so-called "rockers." When you come across a rock band whose members not only can skate, but skate really go od, well that there's a rare gem to be respected. The SoCal punk band The Stitches is valid case in point. Singer/screamer Mike Lohrman and Guitar maestro Johhny Witmer do indeed shred, and have been doing so for a long, long time.

Lohrman's something of an Orange County legend, skating for the legendary Circle A skateboards during the 1980s and tearing the shit out of backyard pools all over SoCal suburbia. Lately he's been skating nights at the Laguna Hills Skatepark with a hefty crew of locals, and weekends on his ramp at Mom's pad. Johnny W is this big son of a bitch originally from Ohio who throws down his fair share as well. Skating with him at Mike's ramp, I quickly realized that he's down to destroy the extension with a bevy of stunts and he's also not

afraid to take the hard, hard slam. The bigger they are...Yeah, whatever.

JOHNNY WITMER

You take the slams don't you?

Yes! I quite like slam dancing.

I can tell you're a purist in both skateboarding and music, but will there ever be a crossover from the Chuck Taylors to modern skate shoes in your future?

Absolutely not. I still have 10 pairs.

Dropping hammers. What does that mean to you?

It started out with Mario on Donkey Kong. He was dropping hammers on barrels: Then on Super Mario Bros the spikey guys started to drop hammers on Mario. Or it can mean skating or playing music.

What's up with Greco? I hear you give him advice over your cell phone.

The kid calls me 20 times a night. I always give him fashion advice. He wants to hang out and smoke crack and play guitar.

I can tell from the magazines over the last couple of years that Greco went from a clean-cut suburban prep skater kid to a haggard-looking Johnny Thunders prototype in a real short amount of time. What do you think happened?

He got wise. You can't rock in baggy pants, but you can skate in tight ones. I think he's going for more of a Richard Hell look, anyway. And oh yeah, Where the flick is my hat, Jimmy?

Were you always a punk or did you once sport the sosch/prep style as well?

I was born new wave. This was way before The Cars were even around. They stole the whole new wave look from me when I was five.

How wide is your board?

Wide enough to fit my crappy feet.

Who do you give hero status to in regards to skateboarding?

Only Ricky Winsor. He invented Winsy slides and he's the worlds best slam dancer.

How about rock heros?

Johnny Thunders, Richy James Edwards, and Bushwick Bill.

PISSING ON COPS

During the brief period in which I've known Mike he's told some funny stories about growing up skateboarding in OC. The best one of them all: The time he took a leak on a cop at Sadlands...

"Me and some friends were on our way to see some bands at the Olympic. On our way up the 5 freeway we would always stop off at Sadlands to skate the planters and drink some booze. So we're skatin' and boozin,' mindin' our own: There's a couple o' hippies hangin' out on the swing set, mindin' their own. No big deal. I gotta pissso I go over to the planter, which has got little palm trees and rocks that some of those Sadland locals used to do handplants off of. About 10 minutes fly by and a cruiser comes peelin' into the park, right up to the hippies on the swing set. We kinda pitch our bottles and cans over the hill and keep skatin' like we're not doin' nothin.' Then these two guys in normal clothes come scramblin' outta the planter and run down to the swing set too. They're undercover cops, I guess. Hippies sellin' weed bags at the park. We keep skatin,' thinkin' we're clear. After they cuff up the hippies, one of the plainclothesed pigs yells up at us, "You with the blonde hair, get over here!" What the fuck does he want with me and nobody else? I walk over to the swing set--just my luck. The cop looks up at me way pissed off and says "You pissed all over me!" It's all over him. His neck, his back, arm, fucking soaked. He was hiding in the planter, behind a bush or tree when I pissed in it. I pissed all over a cop! I'd pissed on my friends for a laugh, but never on a cop! So I'm trying not to laugh; but the other cops start busting up. I lose it, too. Me and the other cops are laughin' and the piss-covered pig flips. He's pissed. He gets all my info and writes me a ticket fur "urinating on a police officer" or somethin' and lets me go. So, I go to court. All the pumpkin suits are in the cage and the judge is goin' down the list, puttin' 'em away. The judge gets to me and reads the charges: "Urinating on a police officer?" The cage loses it. The whole fuckin' courtroom is bustin' up! "How do you plea, Mr. Lohrman?" I'm not really guilty 'cuz I didn't know he was there, so I didn't really do it on purpose. But I'm not not guilty cuz I definitely pissed on him, so I give a "No contest, your honor" and the courtroom laughs again. I shrug and give her the "I don't know" look. I still have the ticket. It's fuckin' beautiful..."

THE BAND

Wild. Violent. Tight. Loud. Anyone who has seen the Stitches live knows exactly what I'm talking about. Heavy influence from '77 English punk and the NY Dolls is going on here, but the sound and the style is equally their own. More 7"s are out there than can be counted readily, and a new EP/CD is out called "Four more songs by the Stitches"(vinyl) or "Five more songs..."(CD) on Kapow! I say go see 'em live in. Hollywood to get the full effect. Actually, the full effect would be to have Lohrman inadvertantly smash a highball glass on your head mid-set, but you just might not be that avantgarde so do as you see fit I guess. Check www.thestitches.com if you're into that kind of thing.

This is the best mini-ramp I've skated in 10 years. 24-feet-wide, seven-feet-high/eight-foot extension with pool coping, painted metal surface, designed and built by Rob-O a few years before he croaked. The great thing about the ramp is that it's at Lohrman's mom's posh house in the hills of Mission Viejo or something. Just this real nice backyard complete with a pool/jacuzzi set-up. Paradise type skit for sure, with a bitchen view to boot. The day I was over Lohrman didn't skate--boozin' and skating together have spelled disaster--but me and Johnny and Nick the tackle manager traded runs for a couple hours. Lohrman presided over the ramp in a pink towel, even taking up my camera to catch the Beard himself in mid-frontal rock bliss. All in all, a fine day of ingesting liberal amounts of Pacifico and a taking a few good slams. I'll be back soon.