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The new fall lineup.


America wants a war, and we responded. Call your local cable channel and demand, "I Want My All-War Network!" Our lineup of shows includes:

Wolf and Wolfowitz

Watch CNN's Wolf Blitzer Wolf Blitzer (born March 22, 1948 in Buffalo, New York) is an American journalist and author. He has been a CNN reporter since 1990. Blitzer is currently the host of the newscast The Situation Room and the Sunday talk show Late Edition.  lob softballs at Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz Paul Dundes Wolfowitz (born December 22, 1943) is a visiting scholar at the American Enterprise Institute, working on issues of international economic development, Africa and public-private partnerships. , who hits them out of the park, all the way to Baghdad, in this no-give-and-take, all-holds-barred feature.

Chomsky, Cockburn, Said

What they might have said had they actually been on television. Hosted by Robert Novak Robert David Sanders Novak (born February 26, 1931) is a conservative American political commentator. Over his career, Bob Novak has become well-known as a columnist (writing "Inside Report" since 1963) and as a television personality (appearing on many shows for CNN, most notably .

Whoops/Collateral Damage

Qaddafi's kids in Tripoli, television journalists and Chinese embassies in Belgrade, Northern Alliance fighters in Afghanistan, peasants in Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, Panama, Iraq--you name it (and that's not easy), and we cover it. Retired General Norman Schwarzkopf and Arnold Schwarzenegger Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger (German pronunciation (IPA): [ˈaɐ̯nɔlt ˈaloɪ̯s ˈʃvaɐ̯ʦənˌʔɛɡɐ] , hosts.

The Chemical Industry Institute Presents: Cluster Bombs, Daisy Cutters, and Peacekeepers

A virtual reality show in which viewers are torn to shreds, incinerated and vaporized va·por·ize  
tr. & intr.v. va·por·ized, va·por·iz·ing, va·por·iz·es
To convert or be converted into vapor.



va
, and live to tell their stories. Admiral John Stufflebeam and Regis Philbin, hosts.

Friendly Fire

This educational feature looks at creative and evolving uses of language, beginning with the change from War Department to Defense Department in 1945. Special segments on Airborne Sanitation and Target Servicing. Jesse Helms and Tom Brokaw, hosts.

Rolling Thunder

Learn comprehensive world geography by following the U.S. global war tour. From Cuba to Afghanistan (and back), an educational show for those of us who cut geography in high school. Sponsored by G.E., Westinghouse, and Raytheon.

Who's Next?

An interactive call-in show in which viewers vie for top prizes by guessing which defenseless Third World country we'll attack next. Britney Spears and Barbara Walters, hosts.

Journalists and War

From I. F. Stone to contemporary stenography stenography: see shorthand. . With Brian Williams.

Boom! It's a Flag. Boom! It's a Logo

Watch them duke it out in friendly but dogged competition for every square inch of your big-screen TV. John Madden and Bill O'Reilly, co-hosts.

Behind the Sneer--Dick Cheney, The Lighter Side

The little-known wacky side of the Veep--locker room humor, impersonations of liberals, bagging ducks with M-16s, lampshade dances, and more. Hosted by Mary Matalin.

The Fear Factor

Watch starving Third World civilians tremble beneath B-52 strikes, napalm runs, and Special Ops assaults. How long can they hold out? Dick Clark and Bill Kristol are hosts.

Inside the Axis of Evil

Afghanistan or Yugoslavia, Iraq or Iran, Eastasia or Eurasia--does it really matter? A historical perspective with Caspar Weinberger and George Will.

God vs. The Evildoers

Live coverage of Attorney General John Ashcroft's daily prayer meetings. Ashcroft demonstrates how God has told him that He is on our side and against the bad guys. Watch closely for occasional but always riveting talking in tongues. Ralph Reed and Pat Robertson provide expert commentary and translations.

Weapons of Mass Destruction Weapons that are capable of a high order of destruction and/or of being used in such a manner as to destroy large numbers of people. Weapons of mass destruction can be high explosives or nuclear, biological, chemical, and radiological weapons, but exclude the means of transporting or  & Noblesse Oblige

We got 'em, they want 'em. And if they get 'em, we'll attack 'em with our bigger ones. An overview of America's massive arsenal of weapons of mass destruction--atomic, nuclear, chemical, biological. Featuring nostalgic Hiroshima and Nagasaki footage. Hosted by retired General Henry Shelton.

Everybody Loves Rummy rummy, card game played by two to six players with a standard deck. The cards usually rank from king down through ace. Seven cards are dealt to each player in the three- or four-hand game, one card is turned up on the table, and the remaining cards are left face down  

Smirk your way through this daily show, in which the cantankerous can·tan·ker·ous  
adj.
1. Ill-tempered and quarrelsome; disagreeable: disliked her cantankerous landlord.

2.
 but lovable two-time Secretary of Defense humiliates reporters and defends the indefensible.

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World

Mutually Assured Destruction since 1945, from Kahn to Kissinger to Kubrick. Ann Coulter hosts.

Homeland Security Uber Alles

Using stirring martial footage and marching music, director Tom Ridge explains how spending billions of dollars, eliminating curbside check-in, and color codes will keep us safe from the evildoers and how his programs are modeled on the best of their highly successful Prussian predecessors.

Former Friends

Bin Laden, Mullah Omar, Qaddafi, Saddam Hussein, Noriega, Ortega, Khomeini, Milosevic--profiles in infamy Notoriety; condition of being known as possessing a shameful or disgraceful reputation; loss of character or good reputation.

At Common Law, infamy was an individual's legal status that resulted from having been convicted of a particularly reprehensible crime, rendering him
. Featuring Ashleigh Banfield's docu-interviews.

Inside the Ministry of Truth

Join hosts Pat Buchanan and Winston Smith in this quiz show in which contestants guess which Office of Strategic Influence news stories are disinformation dis·in·for·ma·tion  
n.
1. Deliberately misleading information announced publicly or leaked by a government or especially by an intelligence agency in order to influence public opinion or the government in another nation:
 and which ones Donald Rumsfeld promises are truthful. A Rupert Murdoch Production.

Monday Night Bombing

A groundbreaking new series. Big time bombardment, from Basra to Baghdad, Kandahar to Kabul. Featuring cruise missiles, cluster bombs, low-yield nukes, bunker busters, depleted uranium bombs, and Daisy Cutters. With Dennis Miller and Al Michaels.

Fighting for Freedom

This blockbuster series looks at America's military invasions since World War II, with a new segment every week: from Korea to Vietnam, Laos to Cambodia, Nicaragua to Iraq, Grenada to Haiti, the Dominican Republic to El Salvador, Yugoslavia to Afghanistan, Guatemala to Somalia, the Philippines to Georgia, Colombia to Yemen. Strom Thurmond and P.J. O'Rourke, hosts.

George W. Bush, From Idiot to Savant sa·vant  
n.
1. A learned person; a scholar.

2. An idiot savant.



[French, learned, savant, from Old French, present participle of savoir, to know
 

Marvel at the amazing transformation of the man who was once compared to Alfred E. Neuman

For other people named Neumann, see Neumann (disambiguation).
Alfred E. Neuman is the fictional mascot of EC Publications' Mad magazine.
 but then morphed into a statesman of Churchillian gravitas grav·i·tas  
n.
1. Substance; weightiness: a frivolous biography that lacks the gravitas of its subject.

2.
. From the goofy sneer to the strategic tear. A bin Laden/Cheney Production.

Brian Boldt, who edited the political poetry journal Green Fuse in the 1990s, teaches writing at Santa Rosa (California) Junior College. He has a new collection of poetry, "One Never Knows, Do One?" (Running Wolf Press).
COPYRIGHT 2002 The Progressive, Inc.
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
Copyright 2002, Gale Group. All rights reserved. Gale Group is a Thomson Corporation Company.

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Author:Boldt, Brian
Publication:The Progressive
Date:Jul 1, 2002
Words:832
Previous Article:Rue Beaurepaire II. (Poem).
Next Article:A rare, unflinching eye. (TV Geist).



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