The needs of the whole child: herbalist and author Aviva Romm introduces the natural of childrearing.

Playing in the Natural World

Earth, water, fire, air : these are the elements that make up our world. Children love to jump in piles of leaves, play with buckets of mud, splash in puddles of rain, swing on swings, fly kites, and climb trees. But our attitudes influence their perceptions. We can teach them that a puddle of fresh rainwater is unpleasantly wet and cold or that playing in it can be fun. Unless they are ill, let them be filled with play in the elements. Pure outdoor play followed by a warm bath and a cup of tea with homemade cookies make an afternoon to nourish body and soul. I assure you that your child will sleep well that night.

Most children also relish the opportunity to explore fire--bonfires, candles, matches. We can teach our children about the life-sustaining qualities of heat and fire by teaching them to safely strike matches, light candles, and start fires in the woodstove, fireplace, of at a campground. Young children will gain a sense of confidence by accomplishing these "dangerous" tasks, and given such a privilege, they will learn to respect safety rules. Their sense of importance and competence supports their self-esteem, and thus their health, in deep and lasting ways.

Natural Toys

As we offer opportunities for our children to explore the world, we can enhance their imagination by providing them with tools and toys made primarily of natural materials. These may include wood for building, sandboxes, watering cans, shovels, and pots for playing outdoors; dolls made of natural fibers and toys of wood and cloth for indoors.

Natural materials are imbued with a feeling of life and have more character and longevity than toys plastic. Plastic toys are too firmly fixed into limited gestures, allowing little room for transformation. With a few basic materials children can create a palace of their own.

Limit Television Watching

Most children view television for many hours each day. Images on the screen appearing in rapid succession can have a negative impact on the developing nervous system. Furthermore, much of the content of the images and programming is frequently insulting or frightening to children's sensibilities. Violence and sexuality, for example, are common themes that may be presented before children are emotionally ready to deal with these topics, creating confusion, tension, and even nightmares. Such themes may be reenacted on playgrounds as children attempt to understand and emulate what they see, in fact, violence and early sexuality among today's teenagers may in part be a reflection of the images that they have internalized through television viewing.

If we want our children to be wholesome, we must make every effort to provide healthful images for them to emulate. Not all television watching is inherently bad, but activities that teach kids real-life skills or crafts or even just time playing outdoors are preferable to sitting idly while being passively entertained. Kids and patents together can plant gardens (even in inner cities), visit parks, draw, cook, or do something nice for a neighbor. When we improve the quality of our immediate environment, we influence the environment all around us.

Evaluating the Situation

Knowing when to insist upon something and when to let go often takes careful thought, and dearly there all times for each. For example, it is wise to insist that a child wear a warm hat on a cold, windy day, but if left to their own resources most kids are sensible enough to come to that same conclusion on their own. But insisting that a child eat when not hungry may not be wise, unless, of course, there exists an extenuating health problem of weight loss. Maintaining a light diet for a few days is an excellent way to prevent or lessen the severity of an oncoming cold, and children often instinctively know they should skip a meal or even fast for a day, though they may not be able to explain their behavior. Also, recent studies on obesity suggest that forcing children to eat meals, after expressing that they've had enough food, causes children to ignore the body's message of fullness. Done repeatedly, it may lead to a shutting down of this innate, self-regulatory mechanism, resulting in people who become overweight because they don't know when to stop eating.

So many times we say "no, no, no" to our children out of our own irritability, when saying "yes" could open doors to a rich experience with them. We too often resent cleaning up messes made as children learn new skills, such as fixing their own snacks, and so we replace their desire to learn, explore, and grow with fear of disapproval. We end up with kids who either stop trying to do new and challenging tasks or continue to explore but do it behind our backs. Taking time out of our already busy schedules to enjoy the world with our children may at times seem like a burden, but if you do so, you will be reawakened to treasures, adventures, and splendors you have long forgotten.

Finding a Balance

Walking the line between guidance and freedom seems to lie in the art of listening to the message behind our children's actions--looking at our kids from a broad perspective and with parental concern, not parental anxiety. The most important thing about guidance is not to let it become a control issue or power struggle with our kids. When we express reasonable concerns to our children, respecting that they are intelligent human beings who want to be in a good relationship with us, they will usually respond to what we are saying. Children need freedom to stretch their limbs and exercise their wills, with enough of a boundary to know that we are with them and will not let them sink in an ocean of choices.

Always ask yourself if a limit or boundary is reasonable and necessary before you impose it. If it's not, your child will probably feel that you are just being controlling, and this will hinder an open relationship between you. Kids can be our allies if we don't alienate them but instead learn to enlist their trust and cooperation.

Reprinted with permission from Naturally Healthy Babies and Children. Copyright 2003 by Aviva Jill Romm, Celestial Arts, Berkeley, CA. The book is available from your local bookseller or by contacting Ten Speed Press at 800-841-BOOK or online at www.tenspeed.com.