The myth of "straight-acting".

Am I happy that boy-band star Lance Bass has come out of the closet? Absolutely. Am I happy enough that I'm willing to overlook his comments regarding SAGs--"straight-acting" gays? Absolutely not. The quote from his People magazine interview: "I want people to take [from my coming-out] that being gay is a norm. That the stereotypes are out the window.... I've met so many people like me that it's really encouraged me. I call them the SAGs--the straight-acting gays. We're just normal, typical guys. I love to watch football and drink beer."

Sadly, Bass hasn't thrown any stereotype out the window here. Making the claim that beer-guzzling homos now outnumber mincing fairies just pits one stereotype against another. And with his highly public background in music and dance, Bass seems to have more in common with the delicate theater majors he seems eager to distance himself from than the country's gay Average Joes. But there's a larger implication here: Is there a silent majority of gay Marlboro men who are constantly hidden from the eyes of the mainstream by a conspiracy of fairies?

I seriously doubt it. Instead, the gay male majority seems to be made up of mildly effeminate men who now feel compelled to apologize for or cover up any behavior that fits a gay stereotype. They aren't SAGs, but many are desperately seeking a SAB--a straight-acting boyfriend. Because just like the barbed-wire biceps tattoo, the Von Dutch baseball cap, or the military haircut, the straight-acting boyfriend is an accessory that insecure gay men use in a vain attempt to make themselves more acceptable to homophobes.

I should know: After many failed attempts to become a SAG, I decided the best course of action would be to date a series of them. I haven't experienced a worse type of homophobia than the one that demands that I reject any potential partner who bears any resemblance to--well, me. Blessed was the day when I realized I was years out of high school and still searching for a partner who might impress my former classmates. Suddenly, I was free-free to judge potential partners on the basis of their manners rather than their mannerisms. I no longer had to go to bed with homophobic jerks who had no idea what to do once the lights were out. (Note to file: "Straight-acting" implies an ignorance of the mechanics of gay sex.)

That said, I am suspicious of anyone who tries to ascribe a specific set of behaviors to all gay men, regardless of whether those behaviors involve beer or champagne. My personal belief is that as societal acceptance of gays has improved, gay men who naturally fit a masculine stereotype and who might have remained in the closet without suspicion in the past have decided to come out instead, resulting in a more diverse-looking range of gay men.

The question is not whether this type of gay man exists. The question is, Why should he be considered more valuable than your average screaming queen?

He's not, of course.

My hope for Lance Bass is that he will go the way of many other gay men who have tried to define their homosexuality in terms of what they're not. I hope he'll realize that most of the stereotypes are fine just the way they are and that it's the ridicule of them that needs to go "out the window." Bargaining with homophobes, be it by legislation or by acronym, is very dangerous business. Just because you give them your right to a limp wrist doesn't mean they will stop asking for your domestic-partner benefits.